From unicorn penis cakes to actual science fiction nightmares, we count 10 of the worst
ever cooking fails.
10 – Dick Cake • Whoever made this cake thought it would
be a great idea to build their young child a delicious castle…
out of dicks.
• I’m guessing it was supposed to look like a magical fairy-tale Disney castle, but
instead it came out looking like three erect unicorn penises with tiny dancing princesses
around them.
The base of the cake seems perfectly smooth, but the towers – or shafts as they were–
are wrinklier than an old man’s pants snake.
• The chef who baked this might want to get those flowers on his turrets checked.
9 - Tacoghetti • I have a strong feeling this snack was
thrown together at about 4am after a long night of partying.
• The person responsible has spared no expense in preparing this delicious 5 star meal.
After finding the nearest paper plate, the hungry chef located two taco shells.
After realising he has no taco ingredients - because he’s probably a poor university
student who spent all his money on cookery books – he then chooses to literally throw
tinned spaghetti in the vague direction of the taco shells.
• I’m no masterchef but I think this might be the finest dish the world has ever seen.
8 – Cheese Pasta • We’ve all made lazy meals before, where
you just slap a few ingredients together and call it a meal, but this chef literally did
not even try to give a fuck.
• In what crazy world is floppy plastic cheese a satisfactory topping for pasta?
The Italians who invented pasta would instantly shit their pants and explode if they saw this
cheesy atrocity.
• What’s for dessert?
A block of ice with sugar glued to it?
7 – Cheerio Beans • If someone could please explain what the
hell this meal was supposed to be, that’d be great.
• It looks like someone poured cereals into a tray of sewage and then shit beans on it.
The way the spoon is laying across the dish, like someone ate a good third of this monstrosity
before realising that death might actually be a better option than continuing.
• It is disgusting.
And if you think it looks delicious, I will come to your house and slap the broken tastebuds
straight out of your weird face.
6 - Spaghet • There are a lot tricks you can do to cook
spaghetti perfectly, but I’m pretty damn sure this isn’t one of them.
• This genius tried to whip themselves up a cheeky Bolognese, but somehow managed to
create a house fire instead.
I didn’t even know spaghetti could be so flammable.
I mean, they’re sitting in water for god’s sake.
• If this does happen to you, or you manage to set fire to anything else in your kitchen,
maybe find a way of putting it out first instead of grabbing your phone to take a picture.
5 – Rainbow Jello • The person who attempted to recreate this
beautiful rainbow jello cake managed to get it so very, very wrong.
• After botching several of the layers, the attempted cake imploded on the hopeful
chef, leaving globs of coloured gelatine all over their kitchen.
Recipes always look easier than they are but surely this one was doomed from the start.
• The end result kinda looks like some sort of jellyfish gay pride festival.
4 – Gatsby • The Great Gatsby – a timeless book and
a horrifying failure in cake form.
• F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous novel has had some very interesting artistic interpretations
over the years, but this one definitely ‘takes the cake’.
Get it.
Because it’s a cake.
Please someone kill me.
Maybe it was made for a Gatsby themed party, but for whatever reason, someone thought it
was a great idea to take an ugly book cover and make it into an even more terrible cake.
• Hey at least they nailed the font?
Ha ha.
Cough. 3 – Rainbow Fail
• Here’s another example of a delicious rainbow dessert that failed miserably.
• The original cake is a beautifully segmented masterpiece, but at least the weird saggy
multicolour attempt this person made still looks edible.
Maybe some of these recipes should list ‘20 years of cake-making experience’ alongside
the required flour and eggs.
• Part of me thinks it looks like unicorn poop and another part of me is still okay
with eating it.
2 – Bieber • Justin Bieber is apparently still famous
for some reason, and some people will do anything to get near him, including eating a meat version
of his head.
• For some inexplicable reason, this cake was baked in the very realistic image of Bieber’s
annoying face.
And what’s worse is it appears to be made of minced meat and bacon.
It is truly terrifying.
And why is there a hard hat nearby?
Are they expecting an explosion?
I’M SO CONFUSED.
• Any dessert for you, Bob?
No thanks, I’m full of the decapitated head of an overrated popstar.
1 - Blob • You know you’re bad at cooking when
you accidentally create a burning mutant life form.
• It isn’t clear what this chef was intending to cook, but they absolutely ruined it whatever
it was.
It looks like it has spawned straight out of an alien sci-fi.
Maybe there are billions of extra-terrestrial arachnids waiting to hatch out of the mucous
membrane.
OR maybe the woman who concocted it just needs to learn to cook better.
• I guess if you never try, you never learn, but
this lady has a LOT to learn in
the kitchen.