Heya playa, do you have a crush on a girl that is perfect in every way?
She's beautiful, she's smart, she's funny, but there's only one problem.
She's dating your best friend.
How do you navigate that?
Do you talk to him about it?
Do you pursue her?
These are tough questions that I'm gonna help you answer so let's jump into it.
Whenever you start to develop feelings for someone that you feel like you shouldn't,
someone that it's taboo to like, someone that's totally off the market you might
ask yourself the question is it okay to feel the way that I do?
What I think is super important and needs to be said here is that there's
nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do.
You can't control your feelings.
Sometimes they come about, they arise within you.
What you can control is how you choose to act on those feelings.
That's what we can work on.
You and your friend might like the same type of girls,
you might share the same classes with those girls and maybe your friend just
got to that girl and asked her out before you did which is totally fine and totally fair.
So why is it that you might feel guilty like you're betraying your friend's trust just by
liking this girl or you're lying to him by not actually sharing with him how you honestly feel?
Well, that leads to the second question here, should you tell your friend how you feel?
Not gonna lie here this one's a little bit tougher.
You see there are a few different factors you have to consider before you just outright tell
your friend "hey I like your girlfriend just like you and I want to ask her out".
Number one, is your friend the type of person that would be understanding?
That if you were to share your feelings they're not going to flip out and get
angry or become jealous over the fact that you just like their girlfriend.
They know that you're gonna not betray their trust and that you're
going to be a good friend and not DM their girl behind their back.
Number two, is your friend the type of person that's not gonna hold it against you?
They're not going to make fun of you because of how you feel and
they're not going to gloat about the fact that they're dating them and you're not.
And number three, is your friend trustworthy?
If you were to share with them how you feel about their girlfriend
can you trust them to keep it a secret between the two of you or do you expect
them to go blabbing to their girlfriend and making everything awkward for all of you?
If you know your friend can meet that criteria it might make sense to share how you feel.
Being able to open up and express your emotions and not keep them bottled up
inside is going to allow you to process them a whole lot better.
And doing it with your best friend,
someone you're comfortable and safe sharing with is the best person for that.
But there may be times where you don't want to tell them.
Where you know it's going to make things super uncomfortable and totally fracture the friendship.
In those situations, it's still important to have someone you can
trust and confide in so find a different friend.
Someone that you know is not going to go spreading your secret all around.
And whether they know or don't know it's not going to change how you feel whenever you're around her.
Seeing your friend hug her and kiss her and just be in a happy relationship with
her might make you feel super super angry or jealous or bitter or depressed or just sad.
And if it is the case where it's just too hurtful to be around them, what do you do?
Do you just stop hanging out with them altogether?
This is another tricky situation to navigate and it's really going
to depend on how well you know those two people.
Are any of the following situations particularly hard for you?
Every time you have a conversation with your friend he brings her up,
how does that make you feel?
Or whenever he posts a picture of them together online, how does that make you feel?
Or is it just whenever they're together in person you see them
being a lovey-dovey couple, how does that make you feel?
If all of those things are a problem for you then yeah it
probably makes sense to start distancing yourself.
Try to spend time with other friends, get involved in different activities,
anything you can to not really be around them whenever they're a couple.
But if you feel like you vary in degree there and it might just be seeing them
in person together that bothers you, you might not want to totally cut them off.
You can still interact with them, say hi, just try to not spend too much time hanging
out with them because that's when your mind will start racing just watching them together.
And the question that is probably on your mind but you might not want to
say it out loud is is it okay to ask her out if the two of them break up?
This is a real common one because you like that girl, you want to be with her and the obstacle
standing in the way is your friend so if they're no longer together why shouldn't you ask her out?
And some pretty obvious answers come to mind.
Number one, you might totally destroy your friendship.
I'm talking about that person wanting nothing to do with you ever again.
You are on their hate list.
Number two, the girl might already see you as just a friend.
Keep in mind that's what you were in her mind when
she was dating your best friend so things may not change on her end.
And third, you might build a bit of a reputation as being a sleazebag.
The kind of guy that goes behind his friend's backs to steal their girls.
You're not going to be viewed as trustworthy and that is not the place you want to be in.
So is it ever okay to ask out your best friend's ex-girlfriend, the answer is yes.
Now you may think I'm gonna say "Well if you get your friend's permission to
ask her out then it's totally fine" but the reality is you don't even need that.
If the girl is on board with dating you then that's all that really matters.
Now what I would recommend though is talking to your friend,
let them know your intentions, let them know your feelings,
be open and honest because after all they are your friend and they deserve that much at least.
All in all though just to keep it real this is not an easy situation to navigate.
There are lots of different people and lots of different feelings involved.
Someone might get hurt, there may be some awkward moments and you have
to know what you're getting yourself into if you want to pursue that girl.
But I want to turn it back to you though if you were to tell your
friend that you like their girlfriend how do you think they would react?
Leave your comments down below and let's talk about it.
Now if you are just sitting there and patiently waiting for that couple to break up,
definitely check out the video over there on the screen now where I'm going to share what
to do in the process while you're playing that waiting game and waiting that relationship out.
Check out the video and I'll catch you guys next time.
As always, love and peace.