What else do you need to be a nerd?
Big data, we live by big data.
I love statistics,
big data analytics, whatever it is,
but here's the thing,
when it comes to big data,
there's a lot of bad data out there,
'cause statistics can be manipulated.
To show you how you can
manipulate statistics,
these are actual, true statistics.
Watch what I do with them.
These are actually true.
It turns out in China,
there's about 1.4 billion
people in China, right?
1.4. There are
7 billion people on Earth.
Therefore, statistically,
it cannot be argued,
one out of every five babies
born on Earth are
in fact Chinese,
so you could say, statistically,
if you've got four kids,
you're expecting a fifth,
it will be Chinese,
(audience laughing)
so don't be surprised,
that's all I'm saying.
Don't be surprised.
(audience laughing)
I don't have a problem with it.
Usually, fifth kid's going to be
Chinese, just deal with it,
(audience laughing)
so when you hear a statistic,
always ask about
the other side of a statistic.
Ask, you know—look at it
from a different perspective.
44% of marriages end in divorce.
44.
Now, that's a scary number.
That's scary. When you first
get married, you're like,
oh my God, but here's the thing,
it's not so scary when you look at it
from a different perspective.
If 44% of marriages end in divorce,
you know what that means?
56% of marriages end in death.
(audience laughing)
Those are the two ways
that marriages end, folks.
(audience laughing)
Apparently this is just occurring
to some of the married people
out there.
Just enjoy being married,
'cause it's not pretty
when it ends, trust me.
(audience laughing)
Perspective is important.
Here's another one
65% of Americans are overweight
for their height,
but maybe, just maybe,
65% of Americans are just
not tall enough for their weight.
(audience cheers)
I am not 20 pounds overweight,
I'm three inches too short, darn it.
I'm going to Height Watchers.
(audience laughing)
Insurance companies will tell you,
this is true,
95% of all car accidents occur
within one mile of your home.
That is true
and even in the brightest of crowds,
there's always a couple
of people thinking,
"Ooh, I got to move!"
(audience laughing)
No, that's not going to help.
Trust me, that is not going to help,
but if you believe that—
therefore, if you believe that,
the safest thing to do is
park one mile from your home
and walk the rest of the way.
(audience laughing)
Really, do that, please do that.
This one's amazing.
I brought it as a joke,
but I actually think it's a good idea,
watch this.
When the lottery a couple years ago,
hit $1.6 billion,
146 million people bought tickets.
146, remember that number.
146 million people bought tickets.
In the 2016 presidential election,
136 million people voted.
10 million less
than played the lottery.
Yeah, so you know what?
We want more people who vote,
every election,
we should pick one voter
to win $1.6 billion dollars.
(audience cheers)
Look at that, now we're all,
"I can't wait to vote!
"Let's go vote!
"We've been waiting
"in line for hours,"
Who you voting for?
"I don't care. Give me a quick pick,
"I just gotta get in."
(audience laughing)
This is a true survey,
they asked women
I did not make this up,
'cause I read this
and immediately thought
what I'm about to share.
33% of women polled said they
have dated an ugly guy just
because he was funny,
which I think is amazing.
Ladies, you use a criteria.
I've never heard a man ever say,
"Well she's not very pretty,
"but she's funny,
"I want to go out with her."
Doesn't happen,
so thank you ladies for being
so much less shallow than men,
that's what I'm saying,
so, I thought that was great
until I realized,
hold on—I'm married.
You know what that really means?
That means there's a
one in three chance,
my wife thinks I'm ugly.
(audience laughing)
I'm like, honey, am I good looking?
"You're funny."
Shut up!
(audience laughing)
And then finally I hear this one
on the radio all the time.
"1 out of 10 people
"suffer from hemorrhoids."
1 out of 10 people
suffer from hemorrhoids.
Does that mean
that 9 out of 10 people
actually enjoy hemorrhoids?
(audience laughing)