- The Parenting Junkie.
Hi, guys, welcome back to the Parenting Junkie,
the place to go to love parenting
and for parenting from love.
Today, I'm really excited to talk about a topic
that I find really fascinating,
and that is the idea of the law of attraction.
Now this law of attraction is written
in the new thought philosophy,
and it's based on the idea that like attracts like.
So basically, the law of attraction states
that whatever we focus on in our life,
will necessarily manifest in our reality.
Whatever our thoughts are busy churning all day,
is what we will experience.
Now, you might see this as a spiritual law
of governing the universe,
or you might see it as simple psychology,
which is basically the psychology of
the self-fulfilling prophecy
or the idea that whatever you expect,
whatever you expect from someone,
they will live up or down to those expectations.
Whether you want to take this in a spiritual direction
or the psychological direction is really up to you
and your worldview.
But, regardless, I'm gonna talk about this
as if it's a law that governs the universe,
because I think that's a helpful way of thinking
about positive psychology and about mindfulness.
Really, it's about deciding, noticing and deciding
what we focus on in our lives.
Now, with our kids, this is paramount
because the self-fulfilling prophesy
is such a powerful law.
When you expect something of someone,
they will almost always live up
or down to those expectations.
Which means when we're focusing on negative things
in our children,
then those are the things that are going
to present themselves more and more
in our reality.
This becomes a cycle and it can become
a vicious cycle when we're talking about
negative expectations,
because if you are constantly expecting say,
some kind of bad behavior,
let's just call it bad behavior,
from your child,
you're focusing on that in your mind
and now you're brain is actually skewed,
you actually have blinkers on to blind you
from other behaviors so that you zero in
and you shine a spotlight constantly
on bad behavior.
And thus, revalidating and rejustifying
your original thought,
you're providing evidence that supports the idea
that your child is behaving badly
and then you are strengthening that thought
you had to begin with,
which in turn will lead you to spotlight
on that behavior again and again.
So, you can see how what might happen
in this scenario when you're focused on bad behavior
is you child might do something lovely
or beautiful or he might behave in a way
that could be interpreted as bad behavior
and could be interpreted as a misunderstanding,
a miscommunication, a misjudgment, an accident.
But because you have on those bad behavior
tinted glasses and you're expecting to see it
and your thoughts are busy with it,
you are now constantly noticing those behaviors
and interpreting them as bad behavior.
Now, of course, once you interpret them
as bad behavior, you will also go on
to react to them as bad behavior,
which will reinforce the bad behavior,
because you are sending the message to your child,
"This is what I expect from you,
"I expect bad behavior from you."
So, how does the law of attraction really work?
Well,
when you think about anything in this world,
the idea is that the law of attraction
manifests it necessarily in your reality.
Now, this means that you have to focus
purely on what you want and never on what you don't want,
because focusing on what you don't want
bring you more of that.
I've heard a great story that illustrates this
which is The Wolf and the Forest, okay.
Say you're in a forest and a wolf is chasing after you.
If you focus straight ahead on where you need to get to
on running away, on being safe,
on getting to safety, then you will run fast
in that direction.
If you keep focusing on the wolf
and you say, "The wolf is chasing me,
"the wolf is chasing me,"
you're focusing on the wolf and inevitably
you may get eaten.
So, the idea is not to focus on the wolf,
not to focus on the things that are chasing you,
the things that are burdening you,
the things that you are concerned about,
but rather focusing on where you want to go,
where you want to be.
Now, even focusing on where you want to be
isn't a good idea if you're focusing on getting there,
if you're focusing on the idea that it's out of reach,
that you need to run, that you need to work hard
to get there,
but rather focusing on the actual feeling
of experiencing what you what to experience,
of achieving the achievement that you're setting out
to achieve.
So, imagining yourself already there.
So, the idea is that with our children,
they way the law of attraction might work
is for example, if we really begin to focus
on all the things that we love about parenting,
the things that we love about our children,
the things that we want to see more and more of.
If we focus of behaviors that we need to fix,
behaviors that we need to change,
on character traits that we don't appreciate,
then those are necessarily going to show up more and more.
In those moments that you have a minute
to scan yourself internally,
and ask yourself, "What is running though my mind?"
That's the place to begin to introduce
the ideas that you want to see happen.
And the way to do this is through gratitude
and appreciation of what is already happening,
that aligns with what you like.
Because, when you are in a place of gratitude,
in a place of appreciation,
then you are in a place of alignment,
according to the law of attraction,
to receive more of the things that make you grateful,
to spotlight if you like,
more of the things that are going to bring up
those emotions in you and that state.
So, you need to focus on what feels good right now
and what you like right now
in your children.
Now of course, the psychology behind this is clear.
When we approach a child from a place of appreciation,
from a place of gratitude,
they are likely to be attracted to that feeling
and want to bring about more of it.
And when pointing out the things we don't like,
then they are necessarily experiencing themselves
as a disappointment,
as a naughty child, as a difficult person,
as a challenging kid,
and they will adopt that label
and live up or down, in fact, to that.
One of the most powerful ways
we can use the law of attraction is though meditation.
So if you are already into meditation
or yoga and you're a spiritual type of person
and this is something that talks to you, great.
If you haven't yet made friends with the idea
of meditation in your life,
I urge you to reconsider, to give it a shot,
or a few shots in fact.
And you know what,
if you're a super scientific person,
you should know that science has proven again and again,
and I mean real science
has proven again and again that meditation
has incredible benefits in terms of happiness
and calm in people's lives.
So, it's really a tool for becoming
a more peaceful parent that we should all be utilizing
on a daily basis.
And meditation doesn't have to take up
a lot of time,
this can be a five minute thing.
And when we train ourselves to do it
a couple times a day or once a day
or once a week,
then it starts to trickle into our brain
and start to be thinking in that way,
even when we're not actually focusing
on the meditation.
So,
we're now going right now,
you are going to do a meditation with me
and we're going to do it right now
because there's no time like the present,
and it's just gonna take a few short minutes.
But this is going to be a meditation
that is going to reset our thinking,
so that we begin to use the law of attraction
to attract more of the behaviors and character traits
that we want to see in our children.
So let's do this right now.
I want you to get yourself into
a really comfortable position,
use a blanket or a pillow or whatever
will make you comfortable,
so that your body is not of concern.
Once you're in a comfortable position,
let's start to get really calm with ourselves
and the way that we're going to do this,
the way that we're going to check in internally
is by connecting to our breath, okay.
So let's take a deep breath in,
through the nose,
and exhale audibly through the mouth.
We're gonna do that another four times.
Deep inhale through the nose,
and deep exhale,
full body exhale through the mouth.
And deep inhale through the nose
I want you to bring your shoulders up to your ears,
and as you exhale,
push them down away from your ears
and release any stress and tension
in the upper back and neck.
Deep breath number four.
And exhale.
And last one, and as we do this one,
please close your eyes
if you haven't done so already.
Deep inhale in,
and deep exhale out.
Wonderful.
Okay.
And now I want you to conjure up
a picture of your child,
and I want you to begin mentally
scanning them.
And begin to make a list
in your mind of all the things
that you absolutely adore about them,
all the things that you are so grateful for.
I want you to picture in your mind,
times,
recently when your child has made you so proud,
or so impressed,
or so grateful.
And begin to list the things that you appreciate
about your child.
It can be physical things,
they can be character traits,
it can be elements of their personality.
Begin to think
all the things that bring you joy
when you're with your child.
What actions or activities or routines
do you have together
that go so smoothly,
that are so much fun.
Are there certain faces your child makes
or noises that they make that make you
burst with love for them?
What are the times of day
when you feel so connected to your child
and so grateful to have them in your life?
Now, I want you to begin imagining
a future scenario that you are hoping will happen.
Perhaps something really small,
perhaps some behavior that you're hoping
your child will come around to,
or a sentence that you'd love to hear from them,
or something that you hope they'll master.
And I want you to imagine
that happening right now
and feel the feelings that you would feel,
if that happened in this very moment.
Just experience that joy,
the pride,
the level of connection that you feel to them.
Experience how happy you are
that your child is now where you want them to be.
And allow that feeling to really take hold
in your whole body.
Take note of what it feels like
in your face, in your cheeks in your jawbone,
in your shoulders, in your stomach.
Take note of how your hips feel,
how your feet feel.
When you connect to that idea,
of extreme appreciation and gratitude
for who your child is right now.
And as we begin to wake up
and open our eyes,
I'd like to you hold that feeling with you
for the rest of the day.
Take that experience with you
and
use it to manifest
and attract more of what you want to see in your child.
I hope you liked this video.
If you did, please share it with anyone
you think might enjoy it,
I really appreciate that.
And head on over to The Parenting Junkie
to sign up for email updates.
While you're there, I'd love to hear your thoughts
on the law of attraction
and on manifesting
the thing we wanna see in our relationship
and connection with our kids.
And of course, subscribe to the channel on YouTube.
Keep on loving parenting and parenting from love
because your kids need you almost as much as you need them.
Bye.
The Parenting Junkie.
Say bye,
say bye.
Say bye bye.