- Loneliness and the 16 personalities.
Is there a connection between your personality type
and how likely you are to be lonely?
How you experience loneliness?
Of course, loneliness is a basic human emotion
that everyone feels,
and the definition of loneliness
is a negative emotional response to perceived isolation.
But you can see here, there are two elements to that.
Negative emotional response, perceived isolation,
and I think your personality type comes into play
with both of those things.
A basic illustration of that
would be introverts versus extroverts,
because extroverts might be more likely
to have a negative emotional reaction
to perceived isolation,
but they might be a lot less likely to be in a situation
where they are isolated.
Whereas an introvert might isolate themselves
on purpose a lot, and maybe they even realize,
oh, I'm isolated right now,
but they don't have a negative response to it as soon.
So you can see already that there is some difference
with how personality types experience loneliness.
And it got me to thinking and wondering,
(chuckles)
what is the loneliest personality type?
Is it possible to go through
and like look at each personality type and be like,
"Hm, I think actually this one might be dealing the worst
with loneliness."
So that's what we're talking about in this video.
16 personalities and loneliness.
(chuckles)
It's gotta be a cheerful one.
That's why I brought out the plant.
Me and my plant here,
(chuckles)
we're trying to cheer you up as we talk about loneliness.
But before we get into it,
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All right, so loneliness and the 16 personalities.
The way we're going to really be breaking this up
is by the four temperaments.
And if you want to see my video on the four temperaments,
click or tap the card right here above my head.
I've found that the temperaments, that's EJ, EP, IJ, IP.
So many things can be explained breaking things down
by the temperaments.
I think it's probably one of the most significant divisions
between the personality types.
And of course, as we go through all of these types,
these are just generalizations
based on the theory of the types,
and every individual is going
to have a different experience,
but this is how I see it based on personality type.
So let's jump in with EJs.
ENFJ, ESFJ, ENTJ, ESTJ.
I think the EJs are probably less likely
to ever be in isolation,
so they might not experience loneliness as much.
But the thing is,
I think they are also the ones who are more likely
to react negatively quickly
when they perceive that they're in isolation.
I think that they may perceive they're in isolation faster
than the other types.
And that really comes down to, you know,
the EJS either have extroverted feeling
or extroverted thinking as their dominant function,
and that really makes them want to be engaging
with others all the time.
Not necessarily in a socializing kind of,
you know, let's party and have fun or whatever,
but just like they need,
they really, really need the feedback of others.
That's how they thrive.
To them, life is about working together as a team.
Let's get everyone together.
And they feel an especially deep need for support
from others.
So they just naturally tend to be around other people a lot.
They are not likely,
they are less likely to have that feeling of being alone
in a crowd, because I think they really feed off the crowd.
They'll find a way to interact with the crowd.
But despite all of this,
even though EJs may not find themselves in isolation
of being lonely,
these types have a very difficult time handling loneliness
because, in many ways,
it's something that they don't experience that often.
Like they never put themselves into situations to be lonely.
As such, loneliness is extremely painful for these types
and can be like a major fear for them.
They're like, "What if I'm alone?
That would be terrible.
I want to make sure that I am never in that situation
where I feel lonely."
Now, the T types, ESTJ and EMTJ,
they're going to really suppress the feeling of loneliness
and really try hard not to let themselves feel it.
It's sort of like, they'll be aware of it,
but it will be too frightening for them to face,
which can be very bad.
It blows up in their face.
And I think the FE types, the ENFJ and ESFJ,
they're more likely to have kind of like meltdowns
when it comes to being lonely.
They'll be more likely to kind of blame others and be like,
"Why are you making me lonely?"
And you'll see a little bit later,
there are other types that do a very similar thing,
but they take it at a slightly different angle.
So then we go to the EP types.
They are less likely to be in isolation unwillingly.
Of course, the EP types, ESFP, ESTP, ENTP, ENFP.
Even though they're an extrovert type,
they can enjoy being isolated and being on their own.
They're not necessarily going to feel lonely
just because other people aren't around,
because the main thing that they are driven by
is not other people, necessarily.
They are driven by new experiences,
and experiencing new ideas, and just exploring.
The EPs are the explorers of the 16 personality types.
And I think a lot of them are fine exploring on their own.
I think really, they are more likely when they're isolated
to experience a kind of boredom.
And sometimes these emotions bleed into each other.
So maybe EPs,
their loneliness might start as a kind of boredom.
There's no one around.
There's not other people to kind of like feed their mind,
cause EPs have a very hungry mind.
They want to just keep experiencing new things,
and other people are part of that.
They like to hear what other people have to say.
They like to have other people around for the ride.
They like what other people bring to the table.
It's not the same kind of validation that EJs need.
The EPS don't really need that so much.
They just like people
because people are exciting to be around.
But the thing is, if the isolation is unwilling,
if someone else is like, "Okay,
you gotta be isolated for whatever reason."
Of course, you know,
we've been dealing with a pandemic
for the last couple of years.
A lot of people spent a long time in isolation
against their will.
The EPs are going to freak out a lot about that.
They don't like to be told what to do.
They don't like their freedom to be restricted.
And so I think when the isolation is imposed on them,
that is when it really gets to them.
It's kind of like an anxious loneliness of like,
"Oh no, is this never going to end?
Am I going to be isolated forever?"
And if the EPS are left long enough in that state,
they can really spiral out of control
and get to that really painful loneliness.
We talked about that feeling of being alone in a crowd.
I think EPs could feel that,
but I think they're a little less likely
than maybe the introvert types are
because the crowd provides stimulation to the EPs.
They will, at the very least, not feel bored in a crowd.
When they feel that they're isolated,
they're the ones who are most likely to do something
to like change things up.
All right, we're going to go and talk about the rest
of the personality types in part two of the video.
Stay tuned.
All right, here we go.
We're going to talk next about the IJ personalities.
So the ISTJ, ISFJ, INFJ, INTJ.
I think they are all more likely to engage
in periods of voluntary isolation and enjoy it.
And unlike the EPs, I think IJs can tolerate isolation
that's kind of imposed on them.
They didn't really choose it.
They can tolerate it for a while
before it starts to get to them.
I think for the IJs,
it's really about that loss of control, where they're like,
"I've kind of let things go a bit.
This isolation has happened without me realizing it.
And now, how am I going to regain control of my emotions?
How am I going to regain control of the situation I'm in?"
But the thing about the IJs is I think
if they get focused on a task,
especially because they are dominant perceivers.
They have introverted sensing or introverted intuition
as their dominant function.
If that can get zoomed in, zoned in, zeroed in,
(chuckles)
if these types get zeroed in on a task
or whatever it is that they are visualizing,
whatever it is that they are organizing,
something to keep them busy,
they're not going to really care
about the isolation as much,
or not even notice that they are isolated.
While IJs do need feedback from other people,
I think because of that NI or SI as a dominant function,
they are kind of like the types that are more likely
to just like get into a state
where they are focused in on something
and just doing it robotically.
And the IJs is just like
to do the same thing over and over again.
That's the other thing, is they can just get into a routine
and the routine might put them in a space of loneliness,
but they don't realize it at first
because they like the routine.
The routine provides comfort,
but then it's like, oh, actually, you know,
this is sort of like gnawing away at me.
This routine is not serving my needs
of interacting with other people.
It puts the IJs in quite a predicament,
because then it's like, well,
I have to go against my personality preference
of doing the same thing all the time.
I have to go against that
and find something different to do.
I have to go out and meet new people.
I have to join a new group to like fight this loneliness.
And that can be very scary for these types,
Just having to change what their routine
and do something different.
The IJs really don't like changing things up.
It gives them anxiety.
The IJs could end up just like kind of staying lonely
cause they're like, "Well,
this bit of pain that I feel,
this negative emotional response to my perceived isolation
is better than the anxiety I feel
for having to go into uncharted territory
in order to meet different people,
in order to connect with my old friends in a new way."
Loneliness is painful for these types,
but not the worst problem relatively.
And I think of these four types, the NI types,
the INFJ and INTJ may feel a little bit more left behind
and misunderstood.
A lot of their loneliness could come from that,
because having introverted intuition
as your dominant function
just makes you a little bit weirder,
(chuckles)
maybe a little bit more difficult to fit in.
But not necessarily, because NI is also, I think,
good at mimicking other people.
Cause I don't know, like I don't want to jump on the train
of saying, "Oh, INFJs are so special."
But you know, I think it's arguable
that some of the loneliness of those two types could come
from just having that different cognitive function
that's kind of weird.
But we come to the IP types.
I think they are much more likely to self isolate.
And I think that's because the IPs generally feel fine
on their own.
They don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of people.
So when they are isolated,
they probably won't react negatively.
They may not even perceive that they're isolated,
or they may be like, "Oh yeah, I'm isolated, but whatever.
It doesn't matter.
It's irrelevant that I am isolated."
I think with the IPs,
where they start to shoot themselves in the foot
is that even if they know that they are lonely,
they may still avoid being around other people.
These are the types that I think are most likely
to feel alone in a crowd,
because these types have introverted feeling
or introverted thinking as their dominant function.
And this is all about how do they make decisions?
And of course, when you have a dominant function,
you have an inferior function, which is the opposite.
So extroverted thinking
and extroverted feeling are these types inferior functions,
which are generally about interacting with others
or like finding the decision that is best for the group.
When you have that inferior, it's sort of like,
you're always trying to avoid others.
You're trying to avoid their judgements.
Everyone around you is kind of a source of pain.
It doesn't mean that you're like antisocial
and never want to talk to anyone ever.
Like a lot of IPs are very social.
You could even look at them and say, "Oh,
that person is more extroverted."
But what it is is like ultimately for them,
the final judgment call is always on them.
They are always the main character in their lives.
I mean, everyone is to a degree, but for the IPs,
it's like turned up to 11.
The IPs, I think, really sense that distance
between themselves and other people.
The IPs, I think,
just feel isolated in their own minds a lot of times.
Everyone does everything that I've talked about
in this video.
I just think that certain personality types are more likely
to sway towards certain feelings or experiences.
So while one type may only feel isolated
in their own head every once in a while,
I think the IPs are more likely to be existing
in that kind of feeling regularly.
I think, ironically, they will try to like feel better
and counteract the loneliness by isolating even more.
I think the IPs are like,
"Well, seeking out other people could be more painful.
Like I feel pain that I am lonely and by myself,
but it could get worse.
Like being around people and getting rejected by them,
that could be the worst thing."
And you know, earlier when I talked about the EJs,
and they're blaming other people for their loneliness.
I think IPs do that in a way,
but it's more like you guys are going to judge me.
Like I blame you for my loneliness in a way,
because I'm just so different.
I feel this disconnect from you
and I'm so afraid that you're going to judge me.
And so the loneliness is highlighted the most
in that perceived difference from others.
The INTP and ISTP, I think are most likely to suppress
and be unaware of this feeling of loneliness
until it's built up a lot and is like ready to just explode.
And I think the FI types,
the ISFP and IFP can become overwhelmed
by the feeling of loneliness,
and then just not know what to do about it,
and just kind of stay there and not feeling.
What is the loneliest of all the personality types?
Well going through there,
I would say the IPs probably end up experiencing loneliness
the worst of all the personality types.
And I think the EJs actually would be second after that.
And of all the types,
what would be the loneliest?
You'd have to say, maybe, maybe the INTP.
Maybe INFP, just because those types, the INTP especially
with their inferior extroverted feeling,
is really trying to avoid social interaction
a lot of the time.
And you pair that up with the intuition,
and it's not really like grounded in physical reality.
I think that that can give you a recipe for being lonely.
Same with INFPs.
Although the INFPs being the feelers,
maybe they're a bit more likely to seek out connection
with people.
I don't know.
It's a judgment call.
Thanks for watching.
Check out another video right here
or watch the whole playlist
about the 16 personalities right here.
And until next time, stay cool and attractive.
(bright music)