Did you know that there's actually more than one kind of narcissist? In fact, there are
actually several types of narcissist, but by the end of this video, you're going to
know about the three main ones and be ready when you spot them coming.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and, Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. I've helped
thousands of people to escape from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to cross that border,
get over it, and step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose. And that's why I
do what I do. And that's what I do right here for you on this channel. So if you haven't
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There is more than one kind of narcissist, but they're all narcissists. Some are better
at hiding it. Some are more dangerous than others, but by large, they're all narcissists.
What do all narcissists have in common? All narcissists have no inner sense of value and
all narcissists have no capacity, no ability to care for another person. Some people will
say, "Oh, that person just said that "I'm really good at something" so therefore they
must be a narcissist." They forget that there's another whole part to being a narcissist which
is the inability to actually care for or have empathy for another person. You can't make
a judgment about whether or not a person is a narcissist just by one statement. You have
to kind of see them in their interactions with other people and see what they're doing.
Remember that all narcissists have no inner sense of value because something happened
to them as children. They were traumatized in some way. Actually, some psychologists
and experts in the field have said that overindulging children has also led to narcissism, but usually
it's some form of trauma or something that happened to them that caused them to believe
that they just had no inner sense of value and the only way to get value in the world
is to manipulate the world in order to feel some sort of sense of value.
They get all of their sense of value from the external world, from feeling like they
belong or they have more money than people or they are better than people. Everything
that they do is part of that scheme to try to suck as much energy from the world as possible
to try to feel some sense of value. One of the things that I've said in a few of my videos
and I want to make sure that I say here again is that we all have a... It's on a continuum.
We all want to feel valued. We all want to feel that we matter. That's just part of being
a human being. That's why I called my book, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and that's
why my methodology for negotiating is the acronym of the word matter, because we all
want to feel that we matter in some way. We also, most of us, have the ability to care
for other human beings. We are also motivated by lots and lots of different things, not
just one thing. Whereas, once you get to this pathological level of "I only get value by
sucking it from other people around me. And I don't have the ability to give it back to
anybody because I feel that if I try to do that, then I take away from myself in some
way. There's just not enough value in the world. There's just not enough goodness. And
so if I get some, I got to keep it for myself," and that's how they are with any kind of value
in the world. It's this survival mentality and that's what you're seeing with all narcissists.
Basically, there are three main types of narcissists and they all have this same feeling of no
value and they have to suck it from the outside world, but how they go about it is a little
bit different for each one. The most dangerous one is actually the malignant narcissist.
The malignant narcissist is very, very dangerous because they usually have an overlay of something
else like that they are a sociopath or a psychopath. I am not a psychologist, but I've studied
enough of this to understand it so that when you go to negotiate with a narcissist either
in a divorce or some other setting, you have to understand what type of narcissist you're
dealing with so that you can understand what motivates them and how they're going to respond
when you're dealing with them in a negotiation setting.
When you're dealing with a malignant narcissist, you're dealing with somebody who will almost
do anything to bring you down, will stop at nothing. These are the ones that in a divorce
setting will actually accuse you of all kinds of horrible things even if they're not true,
like child molestation or beating your kids or beating you, or telling everybody in the
world that you're an alcoholic or a drug addict if you're not. They'll file fake injunctions
against you. They will turn to violence or even threats of violence or intimidation tactics.
They have basically no conscience. If you want to know more about the malignant narcissist,
you should definitely check out my video on the malignant narcissist and we'll make sure
to drop a link to that below. But that is the one that you really want to make sure
that you're really, really careful about how you extricate yourself from that particular
situation. You're going to have to have a really super strong strategy and careful planning
to make sure that you can extricate yourself from that situation in a way that takes care
of you and your safety. The next kind of narcissist is the grandiose
narcissist, or sometimes it's called the overt narcissist. It is actually what I call your
garden variety narcissist. Before I really started studying all of this stuff, that's
the only kind that I actually thought existed. This is the one that's going around telling
everybody how great they are. They use lots of superlatives. "This is the best that."
"Oh, that's the worst this." "This person is amazing. They're basically a saint." "This
person is worthless. Don't even bother." You see a lot of famous people who were really,
really good at what they do or really good at achieving. A lot of times, they are narcissists.
They are really, really great at selling people, at how amazing they are. And then they just
don't care at all about the people who helped them get there or people in their personal
life, or maybe people that worked for them. They often have an overlay of another type
of mental health disorder as well. And all narcissist, by the way, have this tendency
to just start off a relationship with love bombing, then they go into devaluing, and
then they go into discarding, and then they kind of are love bombing while they're discarding
and all of these different things. I have videos actually on the three different stages
of a narcissistic relationship. And if you want to know more about that, definitely check
those out. It's love bombing, devaluing, and discarding.
A grandiose narcissist is, as I said, sort of your garden variety. The one that most
of us who haven't really studied narcissism, they hear a person, they see a person, they
see the way the person acts... They're really, really entitled. They use intimidation tactics
sometimes but not to the level of the malignant narcissist, but they will still do things
to kind of scare people into doing things. That's more of your grandiose narcissist.
The last type of narcissist that's one of the most common is the covert narcissist,
which is my personal one that I absolutely disdain the most because I personally have
had to deal with two covert narcissists in my life. Not as husbands, I have to say. My
poor husband, everybody thinks when I say that that it's him. It's not my husband. It
is other people that I have had to deal with in my life, but I understand and this is why
I have such a passion for this and why I have a crusade and a mission to help all of you
all out of these situations because I know the hell that you are in right now.
The covert narcissist is the kind that is what I call the wolf in sheep's clothing.
This is the kind that they come across as kind and nice and giving sometime. Sometimes,
you see them in roles of clergy, lawyers, doctors, politicians. They, to the world,
everybody thinks that they're just wonderful and they save their awful selves for the people
who are their targets. And then the kinds of things that they do to targets are actually
way more stealth, way more insidious. In some ways, they're the smartest form of narcissist
because the malignant narcissist will sometimes do things that are careless and ended up getting
them caught like they might end up going to jail or get arrested or something like that.
Whereas, the covert narcissist is much better at being passive-aggressive about doing these
little things that you find yourself going, "What is that? What did that mean? How come
that happened?" You just feel in your gut like things aren't
right. That things aren't the way they should be where they made some comment that made
you think, "Where did that come from?" Or, "Why didn't they remember that?" Or, they
gaslight you. "Well, we had that conversation. You remember. You agreed to it," and you know
you never had that conversation. I've given this example a couple of times. This was an
example from the book, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist, which I've actually
done a whole video on this and on the book that I read. You can check that out. I'll
put that in the link below as well. In that book, the author, Debbie Mirza, gives
the example of a husband who would go to Starbucks with the wife and the wife would be waiting
in the car. He would go in to get a coffee. And as he's going in, he would say, "Do you
want anything?" And she would say, "Yes, this is what I want." And he'd come out of the
store and get in the car and he'd only have his coffee, and she'd say, "Well, where's
mine?" And he'd say, "Oh, I forgot," and then just drive away and not go back into the store
and get the coffee for her. It was this subtle, little... I call it death by a thousand cuts.
There's like little things that just add up. If they're so small, they're so stealth about
it that if you go and tell someone about it, they think, "Well, that's not so bad. Why
is that bad?" Little things like during COVID right now. Bringing food over to someone's
house and it's just this little message to you that they know where you live, that they're
still watching you. But if you tell somebody, "Oh my God, they brought food over to my house.
People would be like, "Well, that's nice." They're really, really good at that, and that's
why I disdain them the most in a lot of ways. So gaslighting times a million, flying monkeys
times a million. They love the flying monkeys. They love to line up and triangulate and all
of that. Anyway, that's the third type of narcissist.
You have your malignant, your grandiose, and your covert. And those are the main ones.
Inside of my S.L.A.Y. program, I talk a lot more about the kinds of things that they do,
in divorce as well. If you're dealing with any kind of narcissist, try to go no contact
as best you can, or at least create super strong boundaries because that's the only
way you're going to start to protect yourself and start to heal. If you're dealing with
any one of these narcissists, let me know in the comments which kind of narcissist you
think that you're dealing with based on my description today.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation ebook. It is unbelievable. Thousands of people have downloaded it by
now, and many have sent feedback to me and to my team to let us know how amazing it has
been for them. And it's totally free, so what are you waiting for? Just grab it. You just
can go to the link below or go to winmynegotiation.com, and it will be all yours.
If you want more support and you're dealing with a narcissist, come on over and join me
in my free private Facebook group. It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung,
and we'll drop a link to that below as well. And if you like this video, give it a like,
give it a share, drop me a comment. Let me know what kind of narcissist you're dealing
with. And if you haven't subscribed to my channel, now is a great time to do that. Subscribe,
hit that notification bell. I'm so glad that you were here. I send you light. I send you
peace. I know that you're in hell, and that's why I do what I do. So remember that today
is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.