- I'm hanging with Marlon Wayans
and a whole audience of Gen Zers,
give it up.
With her powerful words of wisdom,
my next guest has been a guiding light
to her followers who include a whole slew of celebrities,
including Nicole Richie and Kerry Washington.
But her mantras aren't just limited to the stars.
Countless people turn to her insights
to keep themselves centered and sane.
Her new book is called, "Heart Talk: The Journal:
"52 Weeks of Self-Love, Self-Care, and Self-Discovery".
And it's out right now.
Please everybody welcome Cleo Wade!
(upbeat music) (audience applauds)
COVID hug!
The entrance is so weird now
'cause no one can touch each other,
but we've made it to being in the same room,
so this is progress in my opinion.
- Yeah, everyone needs like a secret thing
that's like a signal for a hug.
- Yeah, exactly.
I liked yours actually, it was really nice.
I felt warm and fuzzy.
Well, say hello to Marlon.
- Hi.
- All right, well Cleo, for those who don't know,
give a little background on how you became a poet
and author and source of inspiration,
like how did this all happen for you?
- You know, I went to poetry summer camp
as a little girl.
And growing up in the south,
as most of the time,
the only young Black girl in the room
with two divorced parents,
I kind of wrote my whole childhood
whether it was in my camps
or in my own journals and diaries.
And I wasn't really brave enough
to put it on the internet.
I kind of shared it with my small friend group
and I was like, I think I'm gonna start
to put it on the internet, I don't know.
And I did, and it just kind of took off.
- Well, your new book is a journal
that expands on your book "Heart Talk",
so why did you want to write this one?
The journal thing is cool that goes with it.
- Yeah, you know, when I went on my book tour
for my second book, "Where to Begin",
"Heart Talk" had been in the world
for about a year and a half.
And so everyone was bringing me their copies
of "Heart Talk" 'cause everyone was getting
the new copy of the new book that day, right?
So they had their old ones they were bringing,
and when I tell you,
all of these amazing people had like drawn on it,
ripped it in, written in the margins,
I mean, everyone's book had notes everywhere,
because I leave a lot of room and space and place
for people to kind of collaborate with me.
Like, that's one of my favorite things
I get to see from my readers.
And I just went through "Heart Talk"
and I took out 52 things,
and I was like, we could really work on these things.
What does it look like to really take a whole week
to just work on boundaries?
What's the mantra for boundaries?
(Kelly groans)
What does it look like to really take a week
and work on shame?
What's the mantra for shame that you'll go back to?
What are the questions that help me with shame?
I mean, even in the first page of the book,
it literally just says,
"How are you actually doing?"
You know, because when do we answer that?
- And sometimes it's a hard question to answer,
'cause we stay so busy.
And we stay so busy
so we don't have to answer the question sometimes.
- We're busy and for some reason, how are you
turns us into a robot.
Like, we're always like, good, fine!
No, amazing!
I'm like, it's a pandemic,
you're not fine. (audience laughs)
- You're not amazing.
If you're doing amazing than you suck.
'Cause everyone else isn't.
- And so, I'm like, listen,
if that's how you think you are,
then you didn't hear the question.
- Yeah.
- Because our lives--
- [Kelly] I think people might be afraid
of the question.
- Yeah.
- All right, so Marlon,
what's a mantra you kind of live by?
- Don't think, do.
- Oh, that's a good one.
- Yeah, everybody talks about
giving themself so much anxiety
thinking about how to be successful,
and I don't think about it, you just do,
and success will happen.
Just make sure you love and just do, it happens.
- Yeah, I love that.
I'm gonna stitch that on a pillow.
Well, we have a whole audience of young people
trying to navigate the ups and downs of their lives,
and I know they have some questions for Cleo,
so Marlon, will you answer too?
Do you mind?
- Go for it.
- You seem to be awesome at it.
Just saying, you should write a book.
All right, so first we have Bailey
who's in McRae, Arkansas.
What's going on with you, Bailey?
- Hey, Kelly, hey, Cleo.
I'm 23 years old
and I'm still not sure what my passion is in life,
and I went to school and I graduated last year
with my degree in psychology,
and since then I've been working in the bank industry,
because that's the first job that opened up
as soon I graduated,
but I've always felt led to help people
and walk with them in the darkest moments
and shine like a light on them,
and just be there for them,
so with that, I feel like
I should pursue my degree in counseling,
but I'm not sure if that's just a dream
that's associated with my past,
because it was complicated,
or if that's something that I really need to pursue
as a passion.
- Cleo, you wanna go first?
- You know, I think that if you keep hearing
a little voice whispering in your head
that this is what I want
and this is what I wanna do,
then you should continue listening to it
as the voice gets louder and louder.
I don't know a single person
who has felt that every job they ever had
or every day when they went to work,
it was the best day of their life
or their ideal job,
but I will say that almost like in dating,
it's like you kind of know you met the right one
because you definitely know what the wrong one looks like.
So don't be afraid to just stay open to the lesson
even if it's not your ideal situation.
- What do you think, Marlon?
- Girl, get that money.
You can think about helping people later.
Get that money now, collect it.
(Kelly and audience laughing)
And once you get rich, you can be a philanthropist,
you can open up your own counseling session,
you can do what you want,
get that money, but make sure you love your job.
If you love it, stay,
and if you don't, go.
But girl, it's better to go
after you've filled your pocket with loot.
(Kelly and Cleo laughing)
- I mean, I don't know,
I would say, I'm the one...
I need Marlon in my life.
I never think of money first
and I always need to.
I always think of dreams first,
I'm such a dreamer.
Our next question comes from Zoey
who's in Atlanta.
What's your question, Zoey?
- Hi, Kelly, hi, Cleo.
So I have a blog, a YouTube channel, and a podcast
that I've been working really hard on
this past year, and as I'm sure both of you know,
one of the most important things
about platforms like those is audience engagement.
But I have friend who has a blog herself
and although hers focuses on slightly different topics,
it seems as though every time I go to her page,
she has much more audience engagement than I do.
And every now and then I get a little jealous,
and quite frankly at this age,
it's kind of hard not to compare myself to others,
even to my friends.
So my question for you guys
is how can I start embracing and celebrating
these differences rather than
making everything a competition?
- I'm gonna start with Marlon.
The only reason why I'm asking you too, Marlon,
first of all, is you have a bunch of siblings
and I know I have siblings too,
and you kind of compete sometimes,
and compare yourselves,
like am I doing as well as this one.
What do you have as far as that goes as advice?
- My mom used to always say,
"Don't look in somebody else's garden,
"worry about your grass."
So I don't wanna be anybody else,
I wanna be me.
And I have five siblings
that are all doing the same thing,
but I know I'm not them and they're not me.
I don't try to compete.
Think about it, as an artist,
when I go do stand-up,
sometimes there's 20 other people on the bill,
am I gonna feel insecure if I'm watching their set?
I don't even watch their material,
I don't watch what they do.
I'm worried about what I'm gonna do
and what I'm working on
and what energy I'm gonna bring to the stage.
So you need to focus on you, now.
If you look at other people's things,
you need to sit back and not be jealous,
'cause that's something that is gonna take you down.
Don't feel no type of way.
You could go there to study.
You can go there to learn.
You can learn, sit there and go,
wow, that's what's good about what they're doing.
But don't try to be them, be you.
(audience applauds)
- What about you, Cleo?
- You know, the person that you are racing against
in life, is yourself.
And if you think it's anyone else,
than that's just a delusion, that's not real.
And so you can distract yourself
away from your journey
by paying attention to whatever someone else is doing,
but know that you're actually choosing
to distract yourself,
you're not investing in a reality
that is actually real.
Because there is only one you,
and there's only one unique perspective
that comes from you
and your unique life stories,
and all the things that come with you,
and so whether they're your closest friend
in the world or anybody else,
how could that in anyway
have to do with what you are doing?
And when you look at people,
you know, like Marlon
who are so successful,
it's because, clearly he knows
how to focus on his own journey.
And that is so incredible
and it's so important.
And so I think that one of the tricks I have,
because I don't think in a society, as women,
we are really taught to kind of compete and compare,
and we're lucky if we do have the mom
that tells us to tend to our own garden,
but if we don't, we can be that mom to ourselves too.
And so I would kind of develop my own mantra
that was like,
you know what, I'm just used to thinking
I should be competing with my friends,
when really, when they're doing better,
I'm doing better.
When they shine, I shine.
When their light's brighter,
all the light is brighter,
my light's brighter too,
and the world is a brighter place for it.
(audience applauds)
- When they're making money,
girl, you ain't gotta reach in your pocket.
Think about that.
(Kelly and Cleo laughing)
- When they're making money, they're buying dinner.
- That's amazing.
Well, thank you so much, Zoey.
All right, well we have a question
that came in through Twitter.
I'm gonna mess this up, my bad.
@HakunaFatumata wrote, and I'm really sorry
if I messed that up.
"My crush only uses Instagram to message with me
"he sends heart eyes emojis to me,
"he hasn't asked for my number.
"How do I convince him
"to take our relationship to the next level
"and actually text?"
Oh, I have advice,
I don't know if you want it.
Okay, Marlon, why don't you start?
(audience laughs)
- First of all, why you yelling at us
with your text, girl?
Why you doing all caps?
(everyone laughs)
Put some lowercase in there. (laughs)
You know, I'm old fashioned,
I think a man should court you.
And if he's serious,
then he'll ask you on a date,
take you on a nice date,
and he'll chase you.
Play hard to get and watch him chase,
and if he don't chase, let him go.
You're the gift, not him.
(audience applauds)
- Oh my gosh, I love you.
Okay, speak on it.
Go ahead, Cleo.
- You know, I think dating is kind of like
also when you're looking for any job
or anything you want it life,
you have to be unafraid to lose it.
Because then if you do have it,
you know it's yours,
and you can also just create boundaries
that help you do that
if you're not used to being strong enough
to stay away from your crush.
If it was one of my girlfriends,
I'd probably be like,
well, take Instagram off your phone for a week
and tell him you're doing it,
so that if he wants to get in touch with you,
he can text you.
And if he wants to text you,
or if he actually is interested in you in that way,
then you'll know by then.
And if he doesn't,
you have to be unafraid to keep it moving.
- Oh, you got game.
(Kelly and audience laughing)
- [Cleo] I do.
- I do, I love you.
And my thing is,
I don't understand why you'd wanna be with someone
that only does it in front of people.
That's my thing.
Like, if they're only gonna show you
they care in front of people.
You need to know what's happening behind closed doors,
not in front of the doors,
'cause that's who you're gonna be with,
just so you know.
And it kind of looks a little like
"He's Just Not That Into You",
that book, I don't know,
it looks a little like that.
And that's okay 'cause we've all been there.
Okay, so it's not just you.
But anyway, thank you guys so much for the advice.
You two are such yin and yang,
and I love this whole panel. (laughs)