(audience applauding)
First off, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you.
I told you backstage, I am in a huge fan of yours,
and your performance in Inglorious Bastards,
I think has ruined my marriage because every time
that movie comes on, I can't stop watching it
and I'm always watching you.
I loved your performance as did everybody.
Thank you, blue, blue.
What's that? Blue, blue.
Blue, blue, you interrupted me for blue, blue?
(audience laughing and clapping)
No one gets away with that, but you Christoph Waltz.
Quiet: blue, blue. (audience laughing)
Thank you for being here though, very exciting.
You know what, I love me, but I love me, slip there.
I can't speak tonight because of the glug glug.
(audience laughing)
You are such an amazing actor.
You're in so intense in that movie, in Inglorious Bastards,
you're so charming, and then suddenly this dead-eyed stare
that you can give that I find so chilling
that you're giving me right now.
(audience laughing) Yeah.
You're so good at that.
I know that you are, you're from Austria, is that correct?
That's right.
And there are, like many Americans, unfortunately,
I don't know enough about the rest of the world
and I'm familiar with Germany, but I don't know
the difference in the culture between say
Austrians and Germans, can you enlighten us?
Oh, the difference between Austrians and Germans is
like the difference between a battleship and a waltz.
A battleship and a waltz?
That's about the difference between-
Really, so there's really not a lot
of similarities is what you're saying.
How are the Austrians different?
I mean, I know there's the Germans, there's the cliche
which is they have no sense of humor.
That's not a cliche. (audience laughing)
It's just a hundred percent true.
Well, it's sort of, you know Germans, I hope
I'm not hurting anybody's feelings.
(laughing) No, this does go out on television.
The Germans might hear about this.
Well, you know-
They won't. They won't hear about this.
Please speak freely, it's just us and a fake moon.
Exactly, yeah, thank you.
I think Germans always go for head on collision,
you know, and, it never, it doesn't, it rarely has
sort of grace and melody and rhythm.
It's just the- (audience laughing)
There's no irony, there's no sense of it.
They just say exactly what they mean.
Exactly, everything else is dubious and slimy and-
(audience laughing) They're suspicious.
Yeah, I'm highly dubious and slimy.
I love it when a guest just comes out and says that.
But you Austrians then have a sense of humor, they're-
Well, Austrians tend to make their lives easier.
So first of all they are very polite
and second, they don't mean it.
(audience laughing)
And, it's just, you know, a mode of communication
and exchange and in between you have a sip,
so you know what could go wrong?
Very nice, well I'm Irish, I understand.
Exactly. Well, it's the same way.
We are very nice, but we don't mean it.
No, absolutely, but Ireland has
nine literature Nobel prize winners, nine.
I mean, that's says something for communication
in a culture.
And the difference between, in all seriousness,
if that's appropriate at all.
No, we'll cut this part out.
(audience laughing)
In the difference between the Austrians
and Germans is very much like English and Irish, very much.
Right, there's more of the sense
of the silly and the absurd, probably.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.