• From glue sticks filled with butter to shoes with an in-built air conditioning system,
we count 20 of the most bizarre and utterly useless inventions some people actually believed
might take off in mainstream culture 20 - Toilet Golf
• You know those times you're taking a wicked dump and you just get the urge to play some
mini-golf?
Well this is the product for you • Not only does it come with a half-moon
putting green, but you also get a DND sign explaining to any would-be knockers that you're
engaged in a serious round of putting while emptying your bowls
19 - The Shoe Umbrella • For the shoe enthusiast, or obsessee
• It'll keep 50% of your shoes perfectly dry if you're wearing a specific type of shoe
with an opening at the top, though there's a huge chance water will run down your leg
and into the shoe but at least the tips of your toes won't get damp
• That is, providing you can tolerate every man and his monkey laughing in your face
18 - A Butter Stick • This one works just fine, and it sounds
exactly like its concept • You will, of course, feel like you're
at primary school as you butter your toast, but at least you don't have to clean your
knife because that's hard work and spreading butter over bread requires muscle action
17 - The Steering Wheel Laptop Desk • This thing attaches to your wheel so you
can not only sit in your car to do work, but you can also keep a drink nearby because electricity
and water is the new black and white • Oh, but wait, not only do you get the
steering wheel laptop desk, but you can spend a little extra and get the Foldaway Car Slot
specifically designed for storing Wheel desks just in case you have no room to put a tray
in your gigantic car 16 - The USB Pet Rock
• This one is pretty miraculous: after you boot up your computer or laptop, you can plug
this rock into your USB slot and watch with awe as absolutely NOTHING HAPPENS
• That's right - electricity will fail to surge through the rock and it will actually
transform into an inanimate geological formation right there and then
• Naturally, this is the start of a wild revolution in technology
15 - Phone Fingers • These finger condoms help protect your
phone screen against smudges, micro-bacteria and other stupid crap
• While your fingers require a flat slidey surface to operate a smartphone, these phone
fingers tend to bunch up and tear your screen quite badly from overuse, but it's a small
price compared to how safe you'll feel at night
14 - Wigs for Cats • You thought mittens for cats were ridiculously
amazing?
Cat wigs are the new thing in feline fashion - all you need to do is either chain down
or sedate your cat, then glue the wig on and watch as your groggy pet stumbles around like
a tiny, furry person • You'll love how the cat stares at you
with warmth, acceptance, and a touch of unrelenting hostility
13 - The Baby Mop • You know those times you're so lazy you
can't even pick up a damn broom or wipe away mountains of dust?
• Well this invention is for you: clothes specifically designed so your newborn baby
cleans your house for you • Watch as he tumbles around cleaning up
floorboards, polishing boots and fixing broken bikes
• It's also available for cats and dogs - with a bundle discount if you buy one with
a cat wig • It'll be like you have a little anthropomorphic
maid cleaning your house 12 - The TV Hat Personal Theater
• This is like a VR headset, but 10 times bigger and 10 times more useless
• This bulky monster promises to tune out background noise to let your enjoy the movie-going
experience on the go - perfect if you're a homeless person who can't afford a house,
food or medical supplies and you want to escape into a world that doesn't suck
11 - The Hat Wig • You know those times when you really want
to look like a complete fool?
• Well this is the product for you.
A Dad-friendly invention that hurls you back in time to a point where you don't suffer
from male pattern baldness • This is perfect for tennis, indoors, out
of sight or otherwise AWOL from areas with people, preferably a crater on the moon
10 - Air Conditioned Shoes • This is for the wealthy businessman who
hates sweaty feet • It's a Japanese invention that promotes
a healthy air flow through the soles of your shoes, allegedly reducing foot odour to keep
your feet nice and fresh • The only downside is: you can't wear it
during the rainy season.
Yeah.
9 - The Walking Sleeping Bag • This is one of those inventions that SOUNDED
good on paper, looked good on paper, and then you create one and it makes the person wearing
it feel like a hideous swamp monster - a comfy one
• The cool thing is, like a turtle, you can take your whole bedroom wherever you go,
be it a crowded street, at a funeral or at a walking sleeping bag party indoors so that
when you pass out you'll be safe and cozy collapsed on some stairs
8 - The Noodle Fan • You know those times you're so lazy you
can't even exhale a god damn breath of air?
• Well this is the product for you: chopsticks with motors and a fan installed so that as
you pick up food it'll blow on it • This is a particularly useful invention
for amoeba who don't have lungs and thus need tools to eat hot food
7 - The Remote Headband • In a world of Wii remotes, television,
playstation, set top box and amplifier remotes - what's the only possible solution we can
think of?
Headbands aren't enough, but what about head straps?
• All it takes is a stick of painfully sharp Velcro on each remote and soon you too will
be walking around like a human idiot 6 - Screen Privacy Hood
• It's happened to us all.
You're browsing the internet, innocently, a pop-up window comes out of nowhere, big
titties, you hear the door creak open behind you, oh no it's your dog quick hide everything
- but it's too late, THE DOG KNOWS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO
• But now, with the screen privacy hood, you'll never have that problem again - the
only person able to view your screen with a very narrow, woolly and uncomfortable field
of view will be yourself • Good work, now nobody will be able to
find out what you're doing - not even the NSA
5 - Subway Chinrest • This one actually exists, like, it's a
thing a company actively marketed thinking it would take off.
That actually happened.
• This chinrest appeared in Japan for people unlucky enough not to snag a seat, and though
for most people their feet or back will start to hurt after a while, apparently for a very
small minority they don't have the muscle capability to hold their skulls atop their
neck • How these people made it out of the womb
I will never know 4 - The Upside-down Umbrella
• Yes this is a legitimate invention, but purely because someone added a tube to the
base of the umbrella that hooks all the way to a water-storing side bag
• This means a person can actually collect their day's supply of water just by waiting
for a rainy day and walking around for a while • It doesn't stop insects from flying down
your tube, and it'd be useful for the dry parts of the world but - oh wait, it doesn't
rain in dry places, and water runs from the tap
3 - The Banana Slicer • This is perfect for the kitchen enthusiast
who misplaced every single knife they own and need a banana cut into perfect strips
immediately or something terrible will happen • Unfortunately this slicer can't change
shape to match a banana of varying length and size - whatsoever
• Though perhaps you could convince your young infant it's a fun toy and not a completely
useless kitchen utensil 2 - Handerpants
• You know those times when you're suffering from Alzheimer's and you've completely lost
control of your ability to make logical decisions?
• Well maybe you should think about covering up your hands with some underwear because
it's rude to walk around with your palms all out and waving everywhere
1 - The Toilet Paper Hat • And here we have the best item on the
list - a hat for everyone, a convenience which goes without saying
• It's always frustrating when you're at an important job interview and you sneeze
in your employers face - and it's even worse when you have uncontrollable diarrhoea and
you spray liquid chocolate all over their desk and your resume papers
• But so long as you're wearing this hat, paper ready to be used 24/7, you'll get the
job for sure