Hey everyone, this is Clay and today I have a question about closure.
Is it important?
Is it something that you should really go out of your way to get from your ex or is
it just something that you should not pursue?
And I think the closure is really, it's really something that is, is kind of not worth pursuing
in the fact that it involves you trying to get answers from your ex.
Okay.
Involves you trying to get something from them as if they're somehow like the holder
of secret knowledge and if you could just get them to open up and talk to you and meet
up for coffee and have some sort of whatever conversation and then you can find out, oh,
it really was my fault.
Oh, they really are just a jerk or whatever.
Then suddenly you'd get like this feeling of completeness, this nice little book end
to the relationship and everything would be wrapped up in a tiny little bow.
And you know, I'm, I'm, I'm not just saying all that to make fun of you or anything like
that.
I, you know, I've totally been there myself.
I, I, I remember like feeling that itch, just like, you know, I just need to call her.
I just need to know why she did this, why she wouldn't get back together with me.
Was it something I did?
Was it something that she did, like, whose fault was it?
Who was to blame on all that?
Did I really do everything that I could to make sure that the relationship would work?
And I want you to know that, you don't need to find some sort of objective truth, some
sort of a truth that exists universally or anything like that because it's a relationship.
It's basically a fundamental emotional exchange and there's going to be subjectivities to
it.
You know, what you may have thought was a perfectly reasonable thing to do and maybe
it was motivated by pure and honorable motives may have been interpreted another way by your
ex.
And they may have taken offense to it or been hurt by it or whatever.
And, it's, it's really not worth a trying to go out there and hunt down the answers,
go out there and try to find the objective truth out there or come to some sort of like
understanding where you can just like put a bow on it.
You know, if, if your ex is open to talking about that, that's really cool and maybe you
can go ahead and do that, but I don't think you need to become like a, you know, some
sort of like bounty hunter person just like waiting in the weeds, hunting them down and
tracking them down, trying to like get them at any cost.
I don't think that.
I'm pretty sure most people listening to this, know that's not the healthiest approach either,
but, but yeah, what you really need to do is understand that the only truth that you
can take away from the relationship is the truth that you decide to give it yourself.
Okay. you know, yeah, I'm sure there are probably things in the relationship that you could
have done better.
I'm sure there are probably things in the relationship that maybe are your ex's fault
as well too, and maybe they could have done, but it's not as if you need to rehash it and
do all that and just sort of like drag it out into this big drama when you can just
simply take the lessons that you can take on your own from it and then just move on.
You know, like in my previous relationships with my ex, I, I learned that I was very closed
off emotionally and had a lot of, you know, emotional armor on and all that stuff.
And I didn't need to, you know, rehash that with her getting any sort of objective, whatever
from her.
I just kind of knew that intuitively based off of things that she had said before and,
and my own experience of life.
But, but just take the lessons that you can and then move forward from there.
Doing your best to become a better person for the next relationship that does open up
into your life.
You know, whether that is getting back together with your ex, which is what we talk about
and the rest of the videos on this channel, or, you know, moving on with someone else,
just take the lessons that you can just take the subject of lessons that you can take from
your own experience of their relationship.
You know, whether that is even if even if you don't think you did anything wrong at
all, even if you don't think and you're just like, oh, well, it's just all of them.
Then at least take that lesson and know, okay, well maybe in the future I don't want to be
in a relationship with somebody who has the following.
Whatever qualities that was like my ex before.
I know that I want someone who, you know is going to be more open and accepting or whatever.
And then just try to find a person who's like that moving forward.
And, but, but you don't need to like go and how and your ex or anything like that and
try to get some sort of objective truth or anything because there is no objective truth.
It's all subjective.
You know, your ex probably has a completely different story about the relationship and
the breakup than you do.
And you know, their friends probably have a third version of that story and maybe an
outside observer who wasn't really friends with either of you.
They probably have a, a fourth version and there's probably you know, countless different
versions depending on countless different observers of the whole a breakup situation.
All that.
And there is no true objective thing there.
And I know that's a little bit weird because, you know, we're, we're kind of used to thinking
of things like, okay, you know, there are certain events that just happen, you know,
like a ball bearing was rolling down a ramp and then it causes this other thing to move
and things objective.
We happen in real life and you know, yeah, there are certain objective things that happen.
Like, Oh, you said this, you did this, you didn't do that, but there's also this emotional
undercurrent and that is how we perceive and evaluate what that is that happened or didn't
happen and what that means to us.
And that's where the whole subjective thing comes in.
I mean, you know, like I said before, you could have done something with complete honorable
motives and it may have just had been interpreted the wrong way by your ex.
Does that mean that, you know, you need to get some sort of learning out of that.
Maybe, maybe you just need to be clear about communicating the motives behind what you're
doing.
I don't know.
But, you really don't have to go in and like try and hash this all out with your ex.
Just take the learnings that you can from the situation and try to use them to become
a better person in your future relationships and dating life.
So again, that's what I'd recommend for you.
And, you know, if you are watching this video because you're interested in getting back
together with your ex, we do help people with that over on our website relationshipinnergame.com.
And you can sign up over there if you haven't already to go ahead and start getting some
help from us.
But, no matter what your goals are with your relationship, I really wish you the best and
I'm just know that closure is something that you give yourself.
It's not something that someone else gives to you.
So just take the learnings that you can and feel free to let go of all those unanswered
questions and just let it be okay that there may be unsettled.
So thank you.