hi Lisa Romano hi how are you I just wanted to tell you about an event I just
left I left an event which my NASA Cystic
well I don't believe is in a thesis but he has some NASA Cystic tendencies um he
invited me to an event which I decided to go I know it's not the best to be
around analysis however I felt he was a good opportunity and this is how I
applied your teachings when he criticized on one point we were writing
notes and he told me to write a note for him so I decided to do so and I wrote
the note and I did a very nice thing I wouldn't make spawned it on it then he
came back his like oh you have a very bad handwriting
and I responded because I know what he's doing I responded you know what thank
you thank you for the compliment because research says people who actually don't
have that good of a hydrating actually are the smartest like I say doctors they
have the worst handwriting's but this smart that means this want so
that to me is a compliment so thank you so much for the compliment and the whole
night he was like a puppy Winky he could not believe the new person I am so full
of confidence he constantly was coming to me wanting me to stay at one point he
said I told him I was leaving because you know it was late and he said oh I
bet you know you won't leave if I tell you that we're gonna go for dinner after
this event and I say no it's actually kind of late so I'm gonna leave and then
he proceeded to say on I'll walk you across you know to the guards is like no
actually I'm fine you just take your time and I could just see it in his face
and I just want to thank you I know I am recovering and I'm not there yet but
Lisa you just don't know the impact you are causing in people's lives
I hope this recording which is you when you're
good and well but please keep doing what you're doing please keep posting what
you but again this is just a recording to say thank you thank you so much for
helping me regain my confidence back and I can sleep smiling knowing that I
applied your teaching thank you
nameste everybody I bow to the love enlighten UVA Romano here the break to
life coach and today I want to address an email that I got from somebody it was
really really short but I felt a lot of pain in it and that's why I wanted to
address it and there's just so much meat on the bone even though it's just a few
sentences long and that what he writes in is in a world where there is no
answer how to overcome being shamed by others how to express disagreement and
even anger without being fooled and persistently disconnected by others how
to overcome being as a fool entertaining others when they are making fun of and
laughing at me and it hurt so much so um lots of us can relate to this
right how can we well the the questions he's asking are pretty deep but he's
asking how can I overcome shame by others right so he this person I don't
want to I wrote him back he has not written me back but I will not lease his
name but the question is really how can I I'm
being made fun of I have I'm disagreeing with other people and rather than
respect my ideas of my opinions I'm being made fun of I'm being mocked right
so I get the sense and it could be wrong but the words that he's chosen are
fooled and shamed he used the word fool twice being made fun of and being
laughed at and then it hurts so much so what I'm sensing from this email is you
know I want to I want to be my own person around other people right I want
to be able to tell people this is what I think and this is how I feel but when I
do that on mocked by the people around me which in my opinion is a form of
gaslighting now what I would like you to do and anybody else out there who
anybody for this this is for anybody who's experiencing this type of
situation where you are in a situation where you're expressing yourself and
you're being made fun of that happens a lot that happens to me a lot in my
family of origin as well and um what I into understand it's a very long process
it does not happen overnight but I would ask you to go back into your
history and I talk about this in my in my probe the program that I teach go
back into your history and figure out when you started to feel like others
were shaming you who is the first person who mocked you in front of a group who
was the first person who made you feel like your thoughts were insignificant
who is the first person that made you feel like what you had to say was
irrelevant and what you'll discover is that in those moment moments when those
wounds originally took place is a lot of pain and it hasn't been worked through
it's stuck right so when we are wounded as children
there is there's always an emotional counterpart to the wounding so if my
mother mocks me in front of you know a bunch of you know five whatever seven
seven year-olds and I'm seven we have a birthday party or something my mother
makes fun of me I don't maybe I with the bed I don't
know I don't remember doing that but let's just say let's just say I'm out
and about with a bunch of seven year olds with my and my mom is there with
other moms and my mom mentions in front of this group of girls that I went to
bed now what will happen is I'm shamed I am made to feel embarrassed in that
moment that experience has affected me and has wounded me and there is a scar
there's actually there's a wound that has been created in me on a visceral
level my brain has been traumatized I remember that feeling of being feeling
raw and exposed right and then we have to appreciate that at those moments in
time there is an omission emotional equivalent that takes place and it gets
stored in our body viscerally especially if we're born to people who do not allow
us to say hey mom you know you really hurt my feelings today and if you're
born to people who embarrass you and when you and if you dare to confront
them to say hey listen that hurt you were probably shamed and mocked for
expressing yourself so someone like you someone like this person who wrote me
this email dear one someone like you I would imagine that this just doesn't
hasn't started in your adult life I would think this goes back into your
childhood as well so the first thing I'd like to do is try to figure out where
this ties to in your in your in in your life when did this first started
to car because it sounds like you're seeking to be validated by other people
but doesn't sound like you're attracting people who can validate you so you're
stuck you're actually recreating a situation from the past probably
unconsciously but you may be psychologically unconsciously trying to
solve this dynamic that happened to you in your childhood and in terms of how to
overcome being shamed by others we can't out that the answer that you're seeking
is not found externally the answer that you're seeking is all about self
policing your own mind and checking yourself and asking yourself am i
seeking that person's validation has has that person wounded me in the past and
is it rational and is it logical and is it wise for me to open my mouth and be
vulnerable around this person what I know in fact that they have hurt me and
shamed me before so the change has to start with you dear one so if you're
hanging out with people who have shamed you and you're asking me how to overcome
being shamed by others then the answers lie within yourself ask yourself when
this dynamic first began to happen in your life and then ask yourself if you
were attracting healthy people ask yourself are you attracting people who
are narcissistic and people who Gaslight you who enjoy making fun of you and then
you understand that you really can't be vulnerable around these types of people
there are just certain people in our experience that we cannot express
ourself to that we should not express ourselves to especially when we're not
healed I think I'm pretty much at a point where I could probably say
anything to anyone that's hurt me because I've detached so much and I've
healed so deeply that how other people see me is really irrelevant and what
they think about my truth and my perception you know it they're entitled
to that but that doesn't mean that I'm not able to hold on to my own perception
when you're not healed and you open your mouth and you want to share yourself
what happens is most of time you're attracting people who are going to abuse
you so here you are being vulnerable and open with about how you truly feel and
it's being abused externally and that causes more shame it triggers the
shame from the first wound and so there's a lot of there a lot of issues
that have to be addressed just with this two or three line email but I'm hoping
that you understand those of you who have struggling with this dynamic being
afraid to be vulnerable around other people there are just certain people
that you should not trust there are certain people that you should not be
vulnerable around and you have to take a personal inventory of the people that
you share yourself with and you're asking me this how to express
disagreement and even anger without being fooled and persistently
disconnected by others dear one your focus is on the other and not on self so
you're asking me how can i express myself and have a disagreement with
someone and even be angry without being fooled and persistently disconnected we
have no control over other people so when you express yourself you have to
understand that you're rolling the dice and whenever you express yourself you
cannot control the outcome how someone else is going to react to how you feel
so if you're dealing with someone who's healthy they should be able to hear you
even though you're angry you have to come off respectfully of course but
someone who is healthy will be able to hear you then if they're not able to
hear you then they're not healthy then you have to re-evaluate that situation
you have to ask yourself should I really be at all like telling this person that
I'm angry because when I do they're just going to walk away which you have to
understand when you express yourself that is the gamble that we take now on
the flip side of that that doesn't mean that you should not express yourself
that doesn't mean that you should tone yourself down you have to be willing if
you want to live an authentic life there were so many things that you have to
understand hey there are people that you just should not express yourself to
because they will exploit you until you're really really healed then you can
tell people exactly how you feel if you want to hopefully get to a point where
it's irrelevant what people think about you and you can just go about your merry
way and disconnect from them and attract
healthier people people that's awesome but the other thing that we have to
understand is that when you begin just expressing yourself that's when
relationships get rocky because if you're the codependent in the
if you're the people pleaser if you're the peacemaker then what'll happen is
people want you to stay in that place if you're attracted people who get off
right they they they feel energetic I when they're able to humiliate you then
when you open your mouth to these people they're going to walk away because you
no longer serve them and that's okay that actually serves your higher good so
you're asking me again how to express disagreement and even anger without
being fooled well we can't we can't control whether or not these people are
going to see us like we're a fool and persistently to be disconnected by
others people who are unhealthy if if you tell them how you feel
and you come across with respect and you're not minimizing them and you're
not attacking them you're just telling them how they feel how you feel and
you're looking for a better connection to that person if that person
withdrawals that person is disconnecting from you and you can't control that
which sucks it really really sucks because there are just certain people is
life that when you approach them and you tell them the truth they can't handle it
they don't like living above the veil they don't like being held accountable
they don't like being told they can't make fun of you they don't like you
telling them what to do even if what you're saying is fair they don't like it
so they're disengaging from you that's something that you can't control do one
and you shouldn't have to try let them go
it's very very rocky it's very good to have a support system when you start
opening your mouth because it can be very very lonely and very confusing and
while you're going through the detachment process a lot of attachments
are that trauma can get triggered a lot of shame can get triggered so when you
start doing this type of work make sure that you have some type of a base some
type of a support system as you begin to express yourself more authentically how
do we how to overcome being as a fool entertaining others when they're making
fun or laughing which hurts and making fun of yourself is what I think you're
trying to say um dear one you don't have to stay you have the right to walk away
you have the right to turn the cheek and walk away when people are trying to
humiliate you you simply say you know what guys
I've had enough I'm going to go to bed now or you know what guys you know I
don't like the way this feels you know what guys I don't appreciate being
made you know being treated like a jackass you know I don't appreciate this
and then they'll probably mock you again you know my brother was a New York City
police officer and very sensitive guy of course we grew up in you know an
unrecovered ACOA home where we weren't allowed to talk about our emotions my
dad was emotionally abusive and psychologically abusive would call my
brother all sorts of names my brother grew up very insecure it was important
to him that other people saw him it was important to him that he felt connected
especially to men and you know on the police force if you know anything about
you know at least the NYPD I mean cops are awesome don't get me wrong but in
the locker room they can be brutal to one another and there were plenty of
times when my brother was was labeled the podcast he was labeled the insecure
one and they really really took advantage of him and like what you're
saying is that how do i how do I overcome the shame of being made fun of
when I try to express myself there's just a couple of things that you have to
do dear one understand that you don't need anyone's validation nobody
understand that you may be trying to really heal an old wound from childhood
maybe people maybe the people that you loved made you feel insecure and now
you're walking around desperate to feel connected to other people and you're
unaware that you're attracting negative people into your life and reach and
actually recreating that that those old patterns from childhood so there's a lot
that we have to become consciously aware of in order to heal this dynamic but the
most important thing I want to get across you do want is that you
understand that the answer does not lie outside of you the answers lie within
you you have to know that you're enough you have to stop seeking other people's
validation you have to know whether or not you are recreating a childhood
experience all over again you have to know you have the right to turn the
cheek and walk away you need a support system you have to know that when you
start living an authentic life the people who are inauthentic get upset and
your life starts to get rocky and people will detach from you they will
disconnect with you they will stop hanging out with you because you're not
allowing them to poke fun at you there are just certain people in this world
that we should not allow ourselves to be they're not worth our authentic self
your itself is like a goal is gold consider
your true self gold and understand that not everybody has the right to see that
part of you or feel that part of you you don't have to expose that part to air
anyone you have to protect it understand that the goal is not to control anything
that's happening outside of us the goal is to control everything that's
happening inside of us and it starts with an awareness it starts with our
perception once we change our perception of self and we start respecting the self
we start walking in alignment with respect for the self our outer
experiences begin to change people who have been abusing us will try to abused
us even more to get us pull us down to their vibration but we have to hold on
to the self and you've got to know that you're good enough and you've got to
know that yes when you stand up for yourself it's going to get rocky but
you've got to learn to hold on to yourself and know that you deserve
better I remember the answer isn't outside of
your deal one the answer is inside of you and if you're codependent on a false
idea that house you're thinking that you need other people to validate you then
definitely you have to look in you have to look at that in your life how you're
showing up as a codependent in your life thinking that you need other people to
validate you and agree with you and what has you falsely believing that you need
to tolerate being made fun of by people you don't so I hope this has inspired
you and I hoped you want to the person who has written me this email
I hope this this video finds you and I hope that it inspires you and and as
well as other people who who may be watching this video as well dear one
namaste I bow to love and enlighten you oh and as a reminder this Thursday
December 1st will I'll be holding a webinar and it will be all about
dysfunctional families how being raised in dysfunctional families creates
attachment trauma creates codependency and how my coaching program addresses
that I'll be explaining how my coaching program works my coaching program the
classes are are forming now it is open enrollment right now up until January
12th that's when the classes again and hopefully I will see lots of you
then namaste I bow to the love and the light in you today bye everybody