Okay, so I'm gonna try to find some wild bananas; I've got my banana magnet here.
*futuristic whirring* Hopefully it's not too late in the season to find them in the trees.
If it is, then you can also find them on the ground.
That's it. Come to Papa.
Awww, this one's just a baby.
*whirring stops*
(INTRO) ♫ You suck at cooking, yeah, you totally suck! ♫
Good banana bread starts with ripe bananas, or overripe bananas.
If you make banana bread with bananas that are too young, it'll taste like it hasn't lived any life.
Unless you're using young, daredevil bananas.
*vroooom* I regret nothing!
Or, if your bananas aren't ripe enough,
You can just draw on some freckles until they look ripe, and that will make them taste sweet.
Unless the placebo effect is a bunch of hogwash.
(Pitched down) Checkmate, science.
So, we're gonna take 3/8 of a cup of vegetable oil and put that in a bowl.
Then, add 3/4 of a cup of packed brown sugar,
and wangjangle that around until you get Wet Sludge Fudge.
Now we're gonna take a couple eggs, and fry them until they're just barely cooked.
Then, eat them, because you deserve a snack.
Then, beat another couple eggs and add them to the oil fudge
to create a slippery sugar omelet. and wangjangle that together, until the sugar gets even more melty.
[Slurp]
Now, we're gonna strip down two bananas.
You can use 3 if you like, and mash them until they look like vegan Pablum.
Leaving chunks in banana bread is for people who don't think cooked fruit is gross.
I like to chunk hunt until I can do banana shots.
Cheers.
*gulp*
Now we'll add the banana pablum to the egg shake, with a half teaspoon of vanilla,
and wangjangle like there's no tomorrow.
*ambient music starts* And then remember there is a tomorrow, and do your best not to panic over it.
*music stops* Now, we'll take one and a half cups of all-purpose flour,
Also known as freshly fallen wheat snow, which we'll pour into our measuring cup,
Before pouring into our vessel of wang-janglitude. Add to that one teaspoon of baking soda,
and a half teaspoon of salt.
Then we'll use a fork to sift the baking sand together, until the only thing you see is the color white.
Now it's time to combinate.
Pour one bowl into the other, then root out any secret dust chambers,
until you have exterminated dryness from this baking universe.
For additional banana flavor, don't be afraid to go to town with your banang-jangler.
Give your loaf pan an oily car wash with artisan cooking spray that globs into mini grease pools,
Then, pour our sweet and salty banana sludge smoothie poridge glue stew slop inside.
Undos on three fundo, and that's gonna go inside for 55 minutes.
Oop!
Ooop!
Oooooop!
OOOOOOP! *fades out*
*ding ding* Now, that's finished and we'll let it cool for 15 minutes for some reason.
Probably because the steam will escape, and it will solidify, and be easier to take out of the loaf pan.
If you have cats in the house, and you can't keep an eye on it,
You're gonna have to set a cat alarm around the perimeter of the banana loaf. Let's test that out.
♫ Don't be suspicious, don't be- ♫ suspicious!
*metal clanking*
You fearless bastard.
So 15 minutes have passed, you can pop that out of the loaf pan.
Slice it, and this stuff tastes good on its own or with some salted butter.
And if you want to make sure people know what flavor this loaf is,
You can set it on top of a set of banana stilts.
or to make the most authentic banana bread, create your own tin foil mold, and bake it into the shape of a banana.
♪ This is banana, ♪
♪ Banana bread! ♪
♪ It's a type of bread, that's made with bananas! ♪
♪ This is banana, ♪
♪ Banana bread! ♪
♪ It's more of a cake than a bread, so it makes, nooo sense! ♪
*light, rhythmic, acoustic guitar accompanies the melody*
♪ It makes no sense to me! ♪
♪ it's clearly a cake, not a bread! ♪
♪ Don't call it a bread when it's clearly a cake, don't go make that mistake! ♪
*distant gunshot*
*music stops*