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By a show of hands, how many people have ever been on a bad first date?
As I expected, most of you.
Is anyone brave enough to share a story from that bad first date.
I saw your hand shoot up, Hannah.
>> [LAUGH] >> I once went on a first date with
an attractive, but very arrogant, dentist and he spent the whole time talking about
himself and not really asking any questions.
>> Yikes.
No level of attraction will make that worth it.
>> No. >> [LAUGH]
>> Luckily for you,
and the rest of the class we're here today to talk to you about how to make a great
first impression on a date.
And give you five key tips and categories that we think will help.
And if you want, put us in contact with that dentist, and we'll sit down with him.
>> [LAUGH] >> Now, Andrea,
I know what you're thinking, you're engaged.
And Bert, you're married, this doesn't apply to you.
But we think that it does because throughout your life,
you're going to be making first impressions with everyone that you meet.
>> So the first tip that we're going to talk about is eye contact.
Eye contact is kind of like your superpower.
Use it well and it can have magical effects, but use it poorly and
it can be an absolute disaster.
Showing eye contact shows your date that you have confidence, you have warmth, and
that you're actually listening to what they're saying.
In fact, studies show that if you don't show eye contact,
your date probably thinks that you're hiding something.
But it's important to note that showing too much eye contact
can actually freak your date out.
You don't want to just stare them down.
Let's take Andrew and Barbara.
They're on their first date.
Let's check in and see how it's going.
>> Hi there, I'm Barbara.
>> How's it going?
I'm Andrew.
>> I'm good, how are you doing?
>> Pretty good, can't complain.
>> [LAUGH] >> Pretty decent day, getting by.
>> So I'm just going to stop this right there.
Clearly that's not going well.
Research shows that the right amount of eye contact is about seven to ten seconds.
Meaning that you show eye contact with your date for about seven to ten seconds,
and then you break the gaze.
You look down, or you look out the window, before re-engaging with eye contact.
Let's try that again.
>> Hi, I'm Barbara.
>> Hey, I'm Andrew.
How's it going?
>> Good, how are you?
>> I'm great, I'm excited to have this dinner, drink this pinot.
It's looking delicious.
>> I told you it's my favorite.
>> Absolutely.
>> That was much better and much more natural.
>> [LAUGH] >> 36% of people say that their greatest
anxiety on a first date is awkward silence.
So how can we create conversation that will prevent that awkward silence?
The first thing you want to do is you want to ask intersting yet
risky questions.
Avoid questions like where do you go to school, where do you work.
And instead just like touchy feely, push yourself to be in that like 15% risk zone,
but don't go further than that.
So instead of those questions, why don't you try some questions like these?
>> Barbara, what makes you unique?
>> I'm a space nerd, but I still love pop culture.
Andrew, what are you really good at, but embarrassed to admit?
>> I like to think I'm great at singing Mariah Carey in the shower.
>> [LAUGH] >> These types of questions
build a deeper level of personal intimacy and connection.
My next tip is to shoot for about 50% air time.
Don't speak more than that, and don't speak less than that.
My only caveat to that would be, if you tend to find yourself being overly shy,
or talk a lot, maybe adjust that percentage higher or lower, respectively.
And then, finally,
one of the leading contributors to a failed date is rehearsed lines and jokes.
These don't work well.
Andrew, why don't you tell a joke to Barbara?
>> Hey, Barbara, where did the cows go on their first date?
>> I don't know, where'd they go?
>> To the movies.
>> [LAUGH] >> That date is over.
>> [LAUGH] >> Our corollary to conversation is
active listening.
And when the other person is speaking,
make sure you are being an active listener.
And I'll give you four tips for that.
The first is maintain eye contact.
Nod your head when the other person is speaking.
How about warm, open, body posture that's facing them.
And then last, ask interesting questions to show that you're actually paying
attention to what they're saying.
>> The most important thing you can do with your body on the first date is smile.
Smiling's actually an extremely effective way to make a good first impression, and
there's a couple reasons for that.
First of all, smiling is contagious.
When you smile at people, they want to smile back.
Secondly, when you smile you create a bit of a halo effect for yourself.
Someone sees your smiling and they start to associate you
with more positive qualities and see you in a better lens.
But it's critical that you don't fake your smile.
Just showing your teeth as much as possible,
really does not count as a smile.
So Ben, let's see those pearly whites.
[LAUGH] >> Not too good, right?
Kaitlin, show us a real smile.
Much, much better.
The bottom line is, smile frequently and smile authentically, but
don't fake it because it's easy to tell when you're faking it.
Moving past your smile though, you can really use the rest of your body to convey
comfort, engagement, and excitement.
Research shows there's a few things you can do with your body to really
accentuate your partner's opinion if you.
Keep your arms crossed and loose.
Try to get closer to your partner, although not too close,
we don't want anything unseemly on stage.
And then physically lean in to show your engagement in the conversation.
And finally, take measured and subdued motions.
You don't want to be a statue, but you also don't want to be the person
waving their arms around too much, acting overly eager or nervous or excited.
Now, on the other hand, there's also some research that may indicate there
are some actions you don't want to take with your body.
One of which is you don't want to, if you're someone
who rubs the back of your neck, or touches your hair and bonds or
touches your face, you look uncomfortable little bit unconfident as well.
You don't want to look overly aloof and
sit back from the conversation as if you're disengaged.
But you also, especially for men,
may not want to come off as too macho with your body, with your chest all puffed out.
And then finally, this seems like a bit of a subtlety, but we don't recommend
pointing your feet and your body towards the nearest exit, because it literally
looks like you are bracing yourself to leave the situation as soon as possible.
Then supplementing your body,
your voice is also a very critical aspect of making a good first impression.
Your voice tends to mimic how you're feeling and
your internal state, you could say.
Earlier this quarter, JD showed us some research that indicated about 90% of your
communcational impact on someone comes from your visual and your vocal aspects.
In other words, if you're not showing and
you're not saying it the right way it's not going to land well.
So let's check in on Ben and Kaitlin again and see how this date's going.
>> Kaitlin, I'm having such a great time tonight.
>> Me too?
>> Not very convincing, right?
By not using more variation in his tone, more variation in his pitch.
Ben does not seem very convincing.
Research has actually shown that you can hear a smile through the phone.
So there's no way Kaitlin will be convinced in this case, and it's critical
that Ben make another attempt, and this time really put his voice into it.
>> Kaitlin, I'm having a really great time tonight.
>> Thanks, Ben.
Me too.
>> Now, the next thing you want to do is to subtly mimic your date.
I know what some of you are thinking.
I was a kid, my sibling would mimic me, and it was incredibly annoying.
Please don't do that on your first date.
Subtlety is the key here.
What you don't want to do is mimic all of the crazy
obscure gestures that your date might do.
>> [LAUGH] >> And
you specially don't want to exactly repeat all of their sentences.
>> Isn't the GSB the most amazing place ever?
>> Yeah, the GSB is the most amazing place ever.
>> [LAUGH] >> Clearly,
it doesn't sound like they're engaging and they don't have anything new to say.
But what you can do if you suddenly mimic your date is actually increased empathy,
likability, and your attractiveness to your date.
Studies show that just by subtly mimicking their movements and
their voice, they will actually become more attracted to you.
Probably one of the easiest ways to do this.
So the first thing you can do is to mirror some of their small gestures
with about a one to two second delay.
This also that you're engaged just like they are.
The next thing you can do is to repeat some of the key phrases that they use.
This shows that you're both listening but
also can add something to the conversation.
>> Isn't the GSB just the most amazing place ever?
>> I had such an incredible time at the GSB, particularly taking 315.
>> [LAUGH] >> And finally,
you want to mimic the formality of your date.
So if your date is being very formal in the way they speak and
the way they dress, you probably want to meet them at or near their level.
But if they're very laid back,
they're casual, you probably don't want to be speaking like the queen.
So again, try to meet them at their level and everyone will feel more comfortable.
Now, once your date is over, it's really important to have clear followup.
If you had a good time, tell your date and make clear plans to see them again.
Studies show that people really appreciate assertiveness and clarity.
So let's see how good date would end.
>> Hey, I had a great time, tonight.
>> [LAUGH] >> Me too.
Let's do it again, soon.
>> Perfect.
How about next Tuesday, 8:00 PM at the Patio?
>> Sounds great, see you then.
>> Just as important, if you didn't have a good time on your first date,
or for some reason you don't want to see the person again,
it's equally as important to tell them.
That way there's no uncertainty.
So let's see how that would go.
>> Hey, I had a great time tonight.
>> Hey Ben, it was great getting to know you,
but I just didn't feel a spark between us.
Good luck out there.
I know you'll find someone amazing.
>> Hi Kaitlin, I'm bummed to hear that, but thanks for being upfront with me.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
>> So we hope you've enjoyed hearing these five tips for
how to ace your first date and make a really great first impression.
And now we'd love to take any questions you guys have.
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