it's wrong to make fun of people you
know but it's so fun sometimes I've
written for some TV shows and you know
on a major TV show you have to be
careful about what you say about people
cuz a lot of people get offended or so
it has been explained to me I was once
I'll tell you this I was writing for an
awards show once and I got into some
trouble I wrote a joke
for this award show that had the word
in it and someone from the
network came down to our offices and he
said to me hey you can't put the word
on TV and I said I sure would
like to and he said no is as bad
as the N word first off no no it's not
do you know how I know it's not I said
to him is because we're saying the word
and we're not even saying what
the N word is if you're comparing the
badness of two words and you won't even
say one of them
that's the worst word I don't mean to
complain about censorship at all though
because as you probably have seen by now
you can basically say whatever you want
on television it's ridiculous you can
say anything you want and if you don't
believe me you should watch a little
program called Law & Order Special
Victims Unit
yeah a show that I loved because on that
show you can say the grossest things
you've ever heard in your life no you
can't say like the f-word
you can't say that on Special Victims
Unit but people walk around on SVU going
like looks like the victim had anal
contusions looks like we found semen and
fecal matter in the victims ear canal
those are two real things that I heard
on Law & Order SVU at 3:00 in the
afternoon
both spoken by iced tea iced tea is a
detective with the Special Victims Unit
he handles New York's most sensitive
cases I love iced tea on SVU he is
fantastic he's awesome what's so great
about him is that he's been with the SVU
for like mmm 11 years now but he still
treats every case like it's his first in
terms of total confusion sometimes no be
in the middle of an investigation and
ice-t would be like yo you telling me
this dude gets off on little girls with
pigtails like yes he's a pedophile
you work in the Sex Crimes Division
you're gonna have to get used to that
you know how they try and tie in like
current events to every episode SVU so
there's there was this episode I saw a
while ago that was about sex addiction
because a lot of celebrities have come
out as sex addicts
so the episodes about sex addiction
there is a scene in the episode where
the other detectives are trying to teach
ice-t what sex addiction is and it takes
a couple of minutes and finally ice-t
gets it and they cut to him in this
close-up and he goes oh I get it
you mean like when someone drinks too
much or snorts cocaine or bets the house
on the ponies yeah you got it man and I
was psyched that ice-t understood so
that they could continue with the
investigation but I could have watched
another four hours of ice-t just naming
examples just that close up an iced tea
like or like when someone smokes too
many cigarettes or like when someone
shops too much for credit cards or like
when someone plays too many Scratchy
lotteries or like when someone eats too
much chocolate cake or like when someone
eats too much chocolate cake and their
bar set up and he would just keep
talking and it would slowly fade out and
say executive producer Dick Wolf
that'd be a good name I also watch the
show called cold-case files on cold-case
files they solve old murders and it's
really interesting because what I
learned from it is that it was really
easy to get away with murder before they
knew about DNA it was ridiculously easy
like what was even going on back then
what was a murder investigation like in
1935 one cop would just walk in and be
like detective
we found a pool of the killer's blood in
that hallway he would just be like mmm
gross
now then back to my hunch
look for clues I'll tell you what we'll
do we'll trot shock around where the
body is that way we'll know where it was
a couple years ago I saw this movie
called Public Enemies with Johnny Depp
was about old bank robbers and stuff
here's how easy it was to get away with
bank robbery back in the 30s as long as
you weren't still there when the police
arrived you had a 99% chance of getting
away with it to the point that like
those old bank robbers they take credit
for the bank robberies like they come
running out of there and they're like ha
ha ha and if anyone asks you tell them
it was gold and Joe in the seconds gang
and then they're like shoots ugh ins
into the side of the wall like what
we're bullets free back then and they
don't even disguise themselves they
dress up for the bank robbery they're
rolling in there in like big suits and
hats like they're going to church in
Atlanta they make a day of it