What’s up YouTube, Brad Browning here… and in this video, you’re going to learn
why it’s possible to repair your marriage by yourself, without your spouse’s help.
Maybe you’re skeptical about whether this is actually even possible… but keep watching
and you’ll understand why and how this is indeed very doable.
In fact, not only am I going to show you why this is possible, I’m also going to explain
how it can sometimes even be preferable to work on saving your marriage on your own,
without your spouse being involved or even aware that you’re doing anything differently.
BUT…
Before I get into it, please take a second to do me a huge favour and click the “subscribe”
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OK, now, let’s get started….
And first off, it’s important to understand two key facts:
#1 - Since you’re watching this video, it’s likely that your spouse is unhappy with your
marriage as it stands right now.
In other words, your spouse isn’t necessarily unhappy with you, but he/she certainly isn’t
pleased with your marriage.
That means a positive change to your relationship — whether it’s initiated by you or your
spouse, or even if it happens on its own — is likely change your spouse’s feelings about
the marriage, and make them more likely to buy back in and re-commit to a future together.
#2 - You and your partner communicate in a revolving stimulus — essentially a “response
pattern”.
I know this sounds sciencey, but let me explain briefly what this means, because it’s not
really actually that complicated.
A “response pattern” is basically just a cycle, where what you do and say is the
stimulus.
Your spouse’s reaction is the response.
You then react to their reaction, and so on.
The same thing occurs when your partner does or says something… you react, they react
to your reaction, etc.
Over time, the two of you have developed a pattern of these common actions and reactions...
but when the ‘stimulus’ changes, the response will also change.
This is great news, because it usually means that changing your behaviour will impact your
partner’s reaction, and the entire relationship more generally.
Let me explain these two facts a bit further by using a simple example.
Let’s imagine that you and your partner always get into arguments about spending holidays
with family.
Your spouse wants to drive 5 hours every Christmas to have dinner with his or her family, but
you hate those big family dinners.
Each time your spouse asks you to join for these holiday family trips, you refuse to
go or whine and complain about having to attend... and your spouse then becomes upset.
A big argument ensues, your spouse threatens to take the kids and go without you, and then
the argument spirals into a bigger debate over your general unwillingness to ever do
what your partner wants.
In this example, the original issue -- or the ‘stimulus’ -- is your spouse’s desire
to visit family.
The reaction is your refusal to do so.
Your spouse then reacts to your reaction with a further complaint.
An argument follows, and the pattern continues.
In the end, you both wind up unhappy, and your marriage suffers as a result of this
whole fiasco.
Obviously, when this happens regularly, both of you are going to be unhappy with the marriage
and your life in general.
Now, I realize at this point you might be wondering….
Ok, how is all of this actually good news for my marriage?
Well, simply put, in this “response pattern” that I just described, you have the power
to disrupt the negative cycle by making a change to the initial action, or to the re-action.
This, by itself, can help you improve the health of your marriage….
All without any involvement from your spouse.
Let’s go back to the example I just described a minute ago… now, what if you had simply
agreed to visit your in-laws on Christmas, like your spouse wants?
The reaction from your partner in this case would now be a positive one, rather than a
negative.
The ensuing argument would no longer happen, and therefore there wouldn’t be any negative
interaction with your spouse in the first place.
This, of course, is going to be a far better outcome for your marriage than if you had
put up a fight over the issue.
And this all happens without your spouse being aware that you’re doing anything differently.
Now, obviously, there are times that you can’t -- or shouldn’t -- simply give in to your
spouse’s demands and do what he or she wants.
But, in this particular example, perhaps you can reach a compromise... maybe you agree
to go and visit your in-laws this year, but not the following year.
Or perhaps you can agree to stay home for Christmas, but visit your spouse’s family
over the Easter weekend instead.
I know it sounds pretty obvious and insignificant on the surface, but this type of conflict
resolution can be invaluable and help you save your marriage alone, without your partner’s
help.
Simply put, by making a small change to your own behavior, your partner won’t need to
use their “coping mechanism”... and the negative cycle of actions and re-actions no
longer needs to occur at all.
If this happens often enough, a new pattern of behaviours emerges… and assuming the
new actions and reactions are positive, your overall relationship is going to be healthier
as a result.
OK, now, at the beginning of the video I promised to tell you why sometimes it can even be BETTER
to work on saving your marriage alone, without your spouse being aware or involved in the
process.
And it’s true, there are actually a couple of reasons why this is often the case...
The first reason is because communication isn’t always beneficial.
See, in many cases, talking with your partner about the problems in your marriage actually
make matters worse rather than better.
This may seem counter-intuitive, but talking through issues tends to simply reinforce your
spouse’s belief that the marriage does indeed have real problems… and it helps your ex
to focus on these problems.
In other words, it’s usually better for you and your spouse to be spending quality,
positive time together than it is to re-visit the same issues and arguments over and over
again by discussing them together.
So, by taking the first steps on your own, you can help to create this more positive
atmosphere in your marriage without reminding your spouse about the problems that led you
to this point.
The second benefit is that, when you’re working on fixing your marriage by yourself,
you can begin to make changes immediately.
Unlike with traditional marriage counseling, where it may take weeks or months to make
progress -- especially if you’re only seeing the therapist weekly or monthly -- changes
to your own behavior and to the stimulus-response cycle described above can begin immediately.
That means that you can begin to work on mending your marriage today, as soon as you finish
watching this video.
So, there you have it, folks… not only is it possible to start fixing your marriage
alone and without your spouse’s help, it’s actually sometimes even beneficial to do so.
I do want to warn you, though, that what I’ve discussed in this video is just the very tip
of the iceberg.
If you’re serious about repairing your marriage, don’t stop here… right now, it’s time
to watch my full marriage-saving tutorial video, which you can do for free at www.MarriageGuy.com.
Don’t wait -- watch the video today while there’s still hope left to save your marriage.
Again, watch the full video at MarriageGuy.com.
Thanks so much for watching, and I wish you the very best… see you next time!