GAL: Grief and loss are the most universal things that
humans experience.
Kelsey, who lost her twin sister to Covid last year,
realized this truth.
And instead of isolating herself in her pain,
she reached out to help heal others.
This is her Impact.
KELSEY (off-screen): Grief and loss are the most universal things
that human experience.
2020 has been such like an isolating experience for
so many people.
Everyone's grieving the loss of something.
ALEX (over TV): I have today declared that the coronavirus presents
a public health emergency in the United States.
MAN (over TV): This is why I order for people to stay at home.
WOMAN (over TV): We're going to have even more patients
come to the hospital.
MAN (over TV): Surge that we are experiencing.
MAN (over TV): Widespread circulation of the virus.
Record-breaking ICU capacity.
Cases are rising.
MAN (over TV): Sober reminder of how deadly this disease is.
KELSEY: My twin sister Audrey, she had such a big heart.
Growing up, we used to call each other our built-in
best friends for life.
'Cause we always thought that we would have each other,
and she always saw the best in everyone,
no matter who it was, she just like brought out their light.
And her lifelong goal was to be a healer.
And she got her dream job as a transplant nurse,
caught, she got sick, right around January.
AUDREY: Hi Tiggy, hi Fiona. So good to see you guys.
Doing a little better today.
Still having a hard time breathing but,
got my machine over there.
It's good to see you and I wish you were here with me,
and I love you, and can't wait to be home soon.
KELSEY: At that time no one really knew about Covid or
what it was, and she kept going to see the doctor and
she was, they were all like, you're young, you're healthy,
no one expected that, you know, anything was wrong.
And yeah, until it was, too late.
AUDREY: Hi this is Audrey, and this is Kelsey.
KELSEY: Hi.
AUDREY: We just got back from our...
KELSEY (off-screen): We grew up in Walnut Creek, California.
My dad taught us to surf when we were really young,
and we grew up surfing along Pacifica and Half Moon Bay.
The last time that Audrey and I surfed together was New Year's Eve.
We like set our intentions for the next year and jumped in the water
and kind of let go of all of the stress from 2019.
Surfing has always been my personal therapy practice,
and I studied trauma and grief and loss in school.
So, after I lost Audrey, I've started running grief support groups
for women working through various forms of trauma.
Surf therapy is about finding comfort in your body and
feeling connected to your body.
A lot of our participants, it's their first time
putting on a wet suit,
it's their first time going in the water,
and so they sign up 'cause they're like afraid of the ocean.
KELSEY: Hey everyone, my name is Kelsey.
Today our surf goal is to just get comfortable being in the ocean.
But our therapy goal is just to introduce ourselves.
So today we're gonna be doing a lot of sharing and just
connecting with each other,
'cause we have four amazing days together.
WOMAN: I'm a mother, I'm also a widow,
which is something that I've had to learn to say.
Some people say that the second year is harder than the first.
That's kind of where I'm beginning to feel more the
physicality of this loss more deeply.
WOMAN: I don't even talk about my mom really with my close friends.
I put the wall up and I'm like,
yeah I'm doing great.
Doo-doo-doo, let's keep going.
But again, I'm really trying to dig deep,
challenge myself, find that voice and kind of honor it.
DANA (off-screen): A huge part of why we feel the ocean is so powerful with grief,
is that she embodies this kind of endless abyss
that can hold all of us.
So our intention and our hope for you really is that this
ocean can hold all of the love that doesn't know
where it wants to go.
I never in a million years thought that I would be living
through this grief that I'm living through right now.
This was Audrey's board.
It hasn't been surfed in a while.
It feels just really comforting to have a piece of her.
I've been using it for our Waves of Grief programs.
So each phrase actually has an embodiment,
so I choose to be here, I choose to speak for myself.
Everyone kind of taps on their throat.
And then I choose to take care of myself,
is you just hug, you do like a hold.
GROUP: I choose to take care of myself.
MENTOR: And to challenge myself.
GROUP: And to challenge myself.
KELSEY: So, today we are going to be going out in the water.
Each participant will be teamed with a mentor.
As you notice, some of these, or all of the boards actually
don't have leashes.
So our mentor is going to be the leash.
DANA (off-screen): We're here and we're kind of here to be brave and courageous
and move through the messiness of whatever comes up.
We actually expect you to get somewhat triggered here,
and that's the whole point of it.
And the whole point of why it's so healing,
is to really use the ocean to navigate that.
WOMAN: Oh, I'm looking forward to feeling like it's okay to
just be like flailing and be a beginner.
And I'm looking to feel like I belong.
WOMAN: We're not going that far, right?
MENTOR: We'll go as far as you want.
WOMAN: Not too far, 'cause I don't wanna be wiped out.
MENTOR: Like that guy? WOMAN: Yes.
DANA (off-screen): Our invitation is to use the breath that you've got,
to use your body, to use your surf sisters,
and actually like move through whatever comes up.
(laughter).
WOMAN: Going in with Kelsey, there was no choice but to
just charge it.
And I just looked at her, and she looked at me,
and we kind of just both held it and just moved it
through the wave.
And that for me was really powerful,
because sometimes you're not aware of when you need help.
Sometimes you're not aware of when to reach out.
And then having someone there and acknowledging that and
saying, let's just charge this together,
that was a powerful moment for me.
KELSEY (off-screen): The night that she passed actually,
I had a dream that her and I were like surfing together and
she was like, this is gonna be our last time surfing together.
I just remember paddling out and just like crying,
and just feeling the saltwater catching my saltwater tears,
and just diving under the waves.
We are like the ocean and the waves are the emotions
that move through us.
For me, that's something that I have focused on a lot,
in my grief, is I have experienced some really,
really strong emotions that are just sometimes too much to handle.
And all you wanna do is just like push,
push those waves away and just like,
or run from those waves.
But when you're surfing, you can't do that.
You really have to be fully present when you're
in the water and notice the waves that are coming towards you.
WOMAN: I'm here, being with my grief and there's like this
huge thing where my mom's ashes are in the ocean,
and so sometimes this thing is like,
ah, do I even like being in the ocean,
because of what it reminds me of?
And so, it feels good to like hear and then have the experience.
Like the waves hit the shore and it's done.
And then it recycles, right?
And it's like, I can go there and touch my grief,
and it's not gonna be forever in that super hot, teary moment.
It finishes and it gets cycled back.
KELSEY: You are the entire ocean in one drop.
You have everything within you to show up.
Thank you everyone for showing up,
authentically yourselves.
KELSEY (off-screen): Paddle out is actually a Hawaiian tradition.
After someone passes, the surfing community will go out
and just kind of be in a circle.
Kind of, it symbolizes like there's no beginning or
there's no end to this community that we've created.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
Grief and loss, it's a lifelong process.
I really hope I am making an impact and making a difference
in others lives.
And I know that Audrey felt the same way too.
♪ ♪
KELSEY (off-screen): Whether it's a job or a home to the wildfires,
or a loved one, we're all in this together.
♪ ♪
Captioned by Cotter Media Group.