I'm not feeling very funny today big
that's all right you look kind of funny
I were Jackie and Bobby with ascension
presents today we're talking about
dealing with someone's sexual past in
one of the most frequent questions we
get is I'm a virgin and my my boyfriend
girlfriend isn't how do you guys deal
with that how do you deal with someone's
sexual history because Rob bringing all
sorts of things to the table when we're
dating and then that that relationship
progresses so yeah I I get emails all
the time about this because they know we
dealt with this and they're like how did
you deal with it well you know so Bobby
wasn't the first boyfriend I had who
where because you know most of you know
I was waiting till marriage to have sex
I was a virgin when I got married before
Bobby I dated a guy who was not a virgin
and it was actually kind of a fresh it
was good the person before me and I feel
like he hadn't healed from it properly
and I would ask him questions about you
know because again when you're on one
side you you want to ask questions
because it's really are it's really
pride I mean it's like our pride that we
feel we feel like we're gonna be
compared you know and it's pride like
I've waited why didn't you like that
good it's pride so when we ask questions
this particular boyfriend he would get
really frustrated annoyed and he would
get really yeah just annoyed that I
would ask him about this and it really
just kind of ruined our relationship and
then comes Bobby and I find out kind of
a similar situation except you had a lot
more space of healing from the previous
relationship where you lost your
virginity and so I could tell that first
of all you had so much more humility and
you had a lot more healing and so when I
asked you questions you were very
receptive and responsive and it was very
helpful for for me and it was such a
beautiful thing you loved me enough that
I do you do you know you love me enough
that you would you would allow me to ask
you
well I was just thinking how the
opposite of pride the inverse of that
pride is one that says that I have what
I've done is too shameful there's no way
God for free could forgive me it's not
this pride is like how dare you and I'm
above this it's really like no I'm below
this tonight I'm a horrible person and
we're living in a fallen world a very
pornified world a world that does not
value really the goodness of the body
we're obsessed with sex you watch our
media but not what sex is for like not
the beauty of what it's for and we've
lost the lens to look at it in that
life-giving god-given way and so I think
it's gonna it's gonna be part of the
human condition those that are
virtuously and courageously waiting and
you didn't spontaneously combust before
our wedding day yeah and it's not that I
was perfect in my past relationships
sure but I think but when it comes to
that divide if someone's gone further
than the other person yeah well it's not
like an equal thing there's always going
to be the devil with the devil does the
devil comes in and says to you you're
not good enough for this person what
you've done is too shameful and then the
devil comes to you this person who has
waited and says oh my gosh you're not
you're not gonna be good enough they're
gonna compare you they're gonna have
memories of this other person so I think
we can just say it's difficult it's
going to be difficult it's a difficult
road when you've had a conversion and
you're you're you want to live a
virtuous life or you you made a mistake
and you're like I want to get up so it's
a difficult road for well parties yeah
you don't want to be spending your life
reliving memories right and beating
yourself up over the past and that's
where you've gone to confession you are
a new creation move forward I think
there's a respect of like we don't need
to bring up all the details but there
needs to be a transparency I'm not here
to beat you up over this thing but I
just there's certain things I maybe need
to know the length of time because it
takes time to heal it takes time for
memories to heal and kind of like even
like the biological attachments we've
made are not done within a month right
yeah I mean I kind of once heard that
for the length of time that you were
dating someone it takes like half that
time to heal from that relationship but
prayer really you guys prayer
God makes all things God makes all
things new and so I even believe you
know we know that oxytocin is like a
bonding chemical when you when you have
sex or even when you're sexually active
with someone you're bonding yourself to
that person and because we are both body
and soul you're also bonding your soul
to them but again God makes all things
new I also believe he can make our
oxytocin ooh you know and so we have to
ask for healing on both ends it's
important to be patient and on the end
again for the people that does that
right me like Jackie how did you deal
with it listen it takes time and it's
also dealing with our pride because if
we really loved as God loved like if I
you know if I really loved you as God
loved you it wouldn't be if you look
okay all is forgiven it's done with but
again it's our pride in our wounds that
in the devil that keeps telling us we're
not you're not good enough and they're
gonna compare you and they've been
through this and you know so it's just
asking for humility and asking God to
heal our memories to heal our
imagination it's prayer and so on both
sides it's patience it takes time it's
looking inward and and being healed of
you know where the devil's attacking us
so I saw I signed the chastity card
early in high school I sue I wanted to
wait but I didn't really have a plan in
college got the best of me and and lust
and like the Saint Agustin restless
heart and like you got to watch for that
if I knew Jackie was coming I never
would have left my room I would have
just baked a cake and hung out and been
like she's coming one day not how God
works it's worth the wait and it's worth
reading if you have screwed up if you've
fallen if whatever baggage is there get
to confession ask for that continued
healing and unbinding of these memories
and wait again so it's worth waiting and
it's worth waiting and humility patience
prayer I mean this is how and just time
with the peg again I know Bobby loves me
and I think that's what you whenever I
would bring this to you you would always
just you would just reaffirm
that like listen that wasn't out of love
it was out of lust like and I love you I
love you now and so again it just takes
it takes a supernatural grace I think is
what it is it takes God's grace to to
deal with this kind of stuff always so
just really prayer and in communication
because it's not good when we can't talk
about things that are like this that I
mean I think the number one reason
people get divorced is a lack of
communication right that's like been
something we've said for a long time
psychologists have said and so when you
can't communicate about issues like this
that's a red flag so if the person does
get super frustrated when you bring this
up maybe they're not the person or maybe
they just need her a lot of humility but
again I love that you would always
listen to and it just yeah it takes time
and I know you love me I think you would
always reassure that too so and you know
I love you and I would I was the one who
told you like listen God is forgiving it
you need to figure forgive yourself as
well John 10:10 Christ has come to give
you life and life in abundance not to be
sitting in shame or pride one way or the
other
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ascension presents god bless