What are five signs that your ex is confused about you? That's what we're going to be talking
about in this video, but, first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life. We help you get
the great, loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games,
without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something
that you are not because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful
person that you are, and if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs
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that looks at a lot of myths that people have about getting back together with their ex.
We go through and kind of pull many of them apart. You might find that very useful and
helpful, as well, too. Again, all that stuff is down below, but let's get into the topic
of this video, which is five signs that your ex is confused about you.
This happens pretty regularly. This is pretty common. Your ex most likely isn't out there
trying to play mind games with you, trying to test you, trying to use you or string you
along or anything like that. I know that, oftentimes, it can seem that way, but you
probably get a sense of that by your time together with your ex. You probably get a
sense about if they had the capacity to do that. Maybe they've used other people before,
or you've seen them manipulate other people or something like that, but if you haven't
seen them do this, then chances are very, very, very low that they're going to start
doing this now. What's usually going on is that they're just confused. Let's get into
these five signs that your ex is confused.
Number one is hot and cold behavior. This can look a lot of different ways, but, usually,
the hot side of things is them getting really, really close to you, saying things like, "Oh,
we shouldn't have broken up. I don't know what was wrong. I miss you so much. It was
a big mistake. We should get back together. We should sleep together," or something like
that, and then the cold side of that is, "Oh, I don't know what I was thinking the other
day. Maybe we should just be friends. Maybe we should not talk to each other for a while.
I think it's a good idea if we stay broken up," stuff like that. There's this back and
forth kind of thing that happens. It can be really, really, really confusing and frustrating
for you, obviously, but it's also really confusing and frustrating for your ex. They aren't likely
intentionally doing this to you to jerk you around. They're doing it because they are
genuinely confused themselves. That's one big sign is the hot and cold behavior.
By the way, this whole hot and cold behavior thing, it's really easy to understand if you
are familiar with the five stages that your ex goes through in getting back together.
We've talked about this in many other videos. I'll go ahead and put a video card thing up
there for a series that I've did on the subject of the five emotional stages that your ex
goes through. Definitely check that out if this is new to you.
The second sign that you might experience if your ex is confused is what we call a positive
pullback. Now this happens after you and your ex have had a great interaction, whatever
that might look like, whether it's a good text exchange, a phone call, meeting up in
person or something like that, although I don't know if that's going to be happening
a whole lot these days with the situation. Go ahead and check out my video up on the
situation up there, if you want to learn more about how I think the situation that I probably
shouldn't overtly talk about on YouTube is playing out, but go ahead and check that out.
A positive pullback happens because your ex ... How do I put this? Your ex has to think
of you in a certain way in order to justify breaking up with you. They don't want to think
of themselves as the kind of person that calls it quits on a great relationship with somebody
who's caring and thoughtful and compassionate and all of that. They have to see you in a
way where you become the kind of person that is worth breaking up with. This means that
they may distort, delete, generalize certain aspects, exaggerate certain things that happened
in the relationship and so on and so forth.
Maybe that one time, you told a little white lie, they kind of stretched it and said, "Okay,
you always lie. I can never trust you," things like that. Now, sure, maybe some of these
not so great qualities are rightly deserved. Maybe some of them are wrongly deserved, but,
either way, your ex is seeing you in this negative way, and, hopefully, you're not that
negative way genuinely, and, if you are, you have put in some effort to correct course,
hopefully. Elbow here, nudging you in the ribs, but your ex needs to see you in this
way to justify why they broke up with you.
What happens is when they interact with you and you're not like that, you're a fun person
to be around, you're enjoyable, the two of you are connecting, it makes them doubt which
version of you you actually are. Are you the negative version that they think of you as,
or are you the positive version that they directly experienced when the two of you talked
on the phone or texted or maybe met up in person? Who knows these days? They have to
take a step back to kind of reevaluate which one you are because they're confused. When
you have these positive pullbacks, it's another sign that your ex is confused.
Another sign, the third sign, is when your ex assumes the worst about you. They assume
that you are the worst in some way. Either they assume that you're a terrible person,
they assume that you're going to be upset or angry all the time or grumpy or hate them
or something like that, but then they are pleasantly surprised by positive interactions.
They are just like, "Huh? You're not the kind of person that I thought you were," or, "Huh?
You're not mad at me?" or," Huh? You're not upset?" or something like that. This, again,
is them kind of expressing that doubt in an initial judgment about you or your character.
It's basically them having this image of you, again, rightly deserved or wrongly deserved,
and them coming into stark contrast with some other experience of you and them being surprised
by it. Sometimes, you get the positive pullback. Sometimes, you get the surprise in the moment,
like, "Oh, wow, it actually is totally okay for us to interact. I thought that it would
be awkward, but suddenly it's not." That shows that they're confused about you.
The fourth sign in this whole process is if they bring up negative memories out of nowhere.
Now, why does this happen? Sure, it's one thing if the two of you are in an argument
and, suddenly, they suddenly remember all of the terrible things that you did, but if
the two of you were just hanging out, having a great time, and then, suddenly, they bring
up some negative memories, a fight or some other disagreement or some other terrible
thing that happened between the two of you out of nowhere, it shows that they are confused,
it shows that they are kind of desperately grasping for something to not like about you,
or it shows that there's that contrast between what's happening right now versus what they
may have experienced with you in the past and how that's kind of coming together to
create this blurred vision of you.
They're basically trying to bring it out, either to justify to themselves why the two
of you aren't together or to really question what's going on as a way of sort of talking
it out loud with you and kind of just seeing how you'll respond. This is kind of related
to the whole testing thing, not really a test, but, again, we did a video up on testing,
check it out up there if you miss that one, but that's generally what's going on in that
situation.
The fifth sign your ex is confused is if they make excuses for why the two of you can never
be together out of nowhere. This is a little bit different from the bringing up negative
memories thing. The two of you are just hanging out, having a okay or maybe even a great time,
and they just start saying reasons why the two of you can never be together. This isn't
like we're in the middle of an argument and then they say, "See, this is why we can't
be together because we fight like this all the time." That's an entirely different situation,
but if you're having a good time and they suddenly just say, "Hey, we can't be together
because we just know each other too well." What does that mean? "We can't be together
because we used to fight all the time," but even though you're having a great interaction
right now.
That just shows that they're confused. That just shows that there's a part of their thought
process that's kind of ticking away in the background that's trying to evaluate what's
going on between the two of you, where the two of you stand. It's trying to make sense
of that. It shows that there's that confusion going on between the two of you and it shows
them trying to make sense of it.
Now, of course, through all of this, if your ex is confused, you want to, again, increase
the positive interactions that the two of you are having and decrease the negative interactions
that the two of you are having to actually bring the two of you closer together. That's
what you want to do. That's the five-second version of our strategy here. Obviously, there's
a whole lot more intricacy to it.
I can tell you more about that over on our newsletter. Again, the link for that is down
in the description box of this video and also as a pinned comment in the comment section
of this video, but once again, my name is Clay. Thanks so much for watching this video.
Please give this video a thumbs up, and if you're new here, think about subscribing.
You may also want to check out this video series over here on what's going on with your
ex, what they're thinking, what their thought process is, what their emotional world is
like through all of this, or you might want to check out this video over here, but once
again, thank you so much for watching, and I will talk to you next time. Please take
care.