Do you want to know what might actually surprise a narcissist?
Maybe you think they can never be surprised, but believe it or not, there are things that
actually will take them by surprise.
And by the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what they are.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce guide.
And I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos.
And I'll do the same thing for you right here in these videos and on this channel.
So before we go any further, make sure you hit that subscribe button, hit that notification
bell.
And that way, you'll get notified when I go live or I upload brand new content, all kinds
of things that I do right here on this channel, just for you to help you escape that relationship
with that narcissist.
Now, what kinds of things will actually surprise a narcissist?
Well, to understand what will surprise a narcissist, it's really important that you understand
what makes a narcissist tick to begin with.
So a narcissist was somehow damaged during their childhood.
They weren't born as narcissists.
Something happened to them psychologically, which caused them to not believe in the world,
not believe that they have any inner sense of value, to cause them to think that in order
for them to get anything or anywhere in the world, they have to manipulate it.
They have to lie about it.
They have to hurt people in order for them to have anything.
And it's really a sad state of being.
And those of us who are empaths are all like, "Oh, you know, we can help this person.
We can save this person.
We can make this person better."
We, as empaths just think that we can love the whole world back to health.
Unfortunately, narcissists can't be rehabilitated.
So there's nothing that we can do to actually teach them how to love, to teach them how
to have compassion, to teach them how to feel for others or care about others in any meaningful
way.
They just have decided that they need to view the world through a lens of how can I get
what I want?
It's sort of like the ultimate scarcity mentality.
I don't know if you know much about scarcity mentality versus abundance mentality, but
they certainly do not live in abundance mentality.
They live in a very scarcity mentality type of world, like if I don't get everything that
I possibly can from every single person that I meet and from every situation that I can,
then somehow I'm not going to get, the world is not a good place.
The world is a terrible place.
Nobody can be trusted.
So therefore I have to hurt before I get hurt.
I have to get before somebody else gets and they just kind of live in that space all the
time.
It's really, really pretty sad, but you can't fix that.
The only thing you can do is create boundaries and try to go no contact if you possibly can.
So they live in that mentality.
They have no inner sense of value.
They feel like the world is a bad place.
So they're constantly manipulating.
They're constantly lying.
They're really pathological liars.
I mean, the really interesting thing about narcissists is as heinous as they are, they're
actually very simple to understand, very simple to dissect and see, because they're all the
same in the sense that they all have this mentality of no feeling of internal value.
And they have to suck all their value from other people or situations.
And we call that narcissistic supply.
That's their food, that's their lifeblood, that's their oxygen.
That's what they live on is narcissistic supply.
And that's anything that feeds their ego, good or bad.
And they have no sense of care or compassion or love for other human beings.
So while we all kind of, in some ways have "narcissistic tendencies", although I wouldn't
call it that, we all want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter.
We all want to be loved.
We all want to feel like our lives weren't in vain and all of that sort of thing, it's
when you go way far past that on the continuum, when you get to a point of geez, I so much
to feel that I am worth something that I can't have anybody else feel that they're worth
anything, I have to withhold, I have to hurt people, I have to put them down, I have to
triangulate.
And so they live in this world where they're constantly manipulating, constantly lying
to get what they want.
So that's kind of the mentality that you're dealing with when it comes to narcissists
to begin with.
So have I described the narcissist that you're dealing with so far?
If yes, give me a yes in the comments.
So what surprises a narcissist?
Number one is kindness.
A narcissist is surprised when someone is genuinely kind or generous.
They think what's behind this?
They're totally questioning your motives.
They think you have to have some ulterior motive.
This person must want something from me because that's how they are.
They would never do anything nice for somebody, unless they're hoping to get some sort of
narcissistic supply out of it, like you're getting credit for it.
They're being seen doing it.
The whole being a benefactor anonymously, you'd never see a narcissist doing that.
So if you're just genuinely a kind, decent person, then that can actually surprise them,
but I would be very careful about showing your kindness and generosity toward that narcissist,
because that of course becomes a form of narcissistic supply to that narcissist.
And now they're going to want more and more and more of that from you, but it really does
shock them when people are just kind and generous without wanting anything in return.
So that's number one.
Number two is standing up to them.
Narcissists are so used to intimidating.
A lot of them, especially the malignant ones, the grandiose white, the coverts tend to try
to be a little bit more under the radar.
They try to hide their narcissism and they can actually be pretty good at hiding their
narcissism to pretty much everyone in the world except for their select targets.
But for those narcissists that are super malignant and really intimidating, they get really surprised
when people stand back up to them.
And that's what I try to teach you in my S.L.A.Y. program, slay your negotiation with a narcissist.
And that's what I try to teach you right here in these videos, in videos such as how to
get leverage against a narcissist, which you can check out.
I'll make sure to drop a link below, but you're going to want to make sure that when you go
to do that, that you aren't putting yourself in any sort of harm or danger.
So obviously, standing up to a narcissist in court will be a really good thing for you
to do because that really shifts the dynamic.
It shifts the way that you interact with that narcissist and the narcissist will be really,
really surprised because they're going to expect you to be intimidated, expect you to
be scared.
But obviously, if you are in an abusive situation, especially a physically abusive situation,
be really careful about how you stand up to that narcissist.
But in any other setting, if you stand up to them either directly by saying, "Hey, I'm
calling you out on this.", or in a court setting where you say, "I'm filing that pleading,
or I'm filing that motion for contempt or motion to enforce.", or whatever you need
to do to shift that dynamic.
And sometimes if you've been a victim of a narcissist for a really long time, putting
that code on of being stronger and being more powerful can feel really, really uncomfortable
and really scary, but just maybe start taking some little baby steps, like little things,
maybe just even in a text exchange or an email exchange where you just say no, I don't believe
what you're saying or what you're saying doesn't make sense.
We're just taking little baby steps towards standing up to that narcissist.
And that will really, really surprise them, especially if they've been used to you just
being afraid of them all the time.
So that's number two is standing up to them.
Number three is going no contact.
A narcissist will somehow in their mind, especially if they've been conditioning you for a really
long time, think that you'll never leave them, never give up on them, never stop needing
them, never stop being under their web of control.
And so if you stop talking to them, stop interacting with them, start creating boundaries, go no
contact, they'll actually be really, really surprised.
And that's when you'll potentially trigger their narcissistic injury.
And you'll see that narcissistic rage come out.
And if you want to know more about narcissistic injury, check out my video on narcissistic
injury, but that's when you're going to start to see that stuff happening because they're,
they're going to go full metal jacket on you, and actually start to try to take some of
those tactics that they've used in the past for intimidating you and turn up the volume
so that you'll come running and screaming back.
And they'll be really surprised when you don't do that.
And this is how you're going to start shifting that dynamic of power and start being in the
driver's seat instead of constantly on the defensive and constantly feeling afraid of
that narcissist.
And the last one is when you figure them out, when you have their number, when you have
really figured out, "Hey, you know what?
This person is actually just a scared little toddler walking around in an adult body.
And they actually don't have all the power.
And they actually are just sort of like big bullies who go around trying to intimidate
everybody and try to make everybody think that they're smarter than everyone else."
When you figure them out, it actually really surprises them.
And that's when they start to panic by the way.
And if you want to know more about what makes a narcissist panic, check out my video on
how to make a narcissist panic, but that's what really starts to make them panic is really
starting to, when you figure them out, when you've got their number, that will surprise
them, and that will shock them.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush
My Negotiation prep worksheet.
Don't walk into a negotiation without it, and you can just get it at winmynegotiation.com
and we'll make sure that there's a link in the description below as well.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, and you want more support, come on over and join
me, my free private Facebook group, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And we will drop a link to that below as well.
And if you like this video, you know what to do, give it a like, and if it's going to
be helpful for others that you know in your world, make sure you share it and drop me
a comment.
Just say yes or I'm here, or I'm ready to turn the tables.
Let me know that you were here and make sure you subscribe, hit that notification bell
so that you'll get notified when I upload all this brand new content that I'm creating
for you on a daily basis now.
So I am so happy that you stopped by my channel.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.