Hello
Hello, how are you?
You look happy.
I am! I'm quite delighted... Hello!!
And what's your name?
My name is Daliso. Daliso Chaponda.
That's an amazing name.
It's a Malawian name.
Malawian.
Yes, I'm from Malawi, but I live in Manchester.
And why have you come on Britain's Got Talent?
I've come to make the people laugh! I am a comedian.
Oh yes! I would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian.
Simon: Oh, no pressure(!)
Amanda: No pressure(!)
Who are you here with?
So I'm here just alone. My brother, he wanted to come. He's a doctor and he was like "Either I should save lives, or come with you..."
[Audience laughs]
Amanda: Were your parents disappointed that one of you is a comedian, and one of you is a doctor?
They were absolutely horrified, because I was studying computer programming. So I had a future!
[Audience laughs]
And I just decided. No! Let me be a clown!
[Audience laughs]
So we shall see.
Oh... darling. Good luck.
Excellent!
Well, I'm at that stage now where all my friends are getting married.
Married people forget how horrible it is being single!
They love to call me and complain about their couple-y problems!
I always get "Oh, you're so lucky, being single!"
I get home my wife just starts nagging - nag, nag, nag...
And I'm like "Hey, I have to nag myself!!"
[Audience laughs]
I get home and I'm like "And what time do I call this...!?"
[Audience laughs]
"Why don't I ever do the dishes?!"
Sometimes I think I don't appreciate MYSELF [with sass].
[Audience laughs and applauds]
I haven't always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs.
I used to clean houses! And I'll admit I was tempted to steal.
I didn't steal because the Bible says
"Thou shalt no steal"
But nowhere does it say "Thou shalt not SWAP."
[Audience laughs and applauds]
I took a stereo - left a Walkman.
[Audience laughs]
Took a Plasma Screen - left an Etch-a-Sketch.
[Audience laughs]
As I mentioned, I am from Africa. I moved here ten years ago.
Immediately I moved here, I heard a LOT of British people talking about
"The financial crisis! The recession!"
I'm from Africa! What are you maniacs talking about!?
[Audience laughs]
You call that a crisis? If that's a crisis, where's Unicef?
[Audience laughs]
Where is Bono?
[Audience laughs, Amanda laughs strongly]
I have not seen one "Save the UK" concert.
You can tell me it's a financial crisis
when there are planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window.
[Audience laughs, Amanda laughs strongly]
[Audience laughs]
It will be a financial when there are
ads on television, saying "This chav has to walk five miles a day
[Audience laughs]
To get a bottle of WKD Blue.
[Audience laughs, Amanda laughs strongly]
And one hundred percent, you have got a financial crisis
when India starts opening call centres here.
[Audience laughs]
Can you imagine, some poor guy in Mumbai, calls his bank
and ends up talking to a Brummy?
[Audience laughs]
Thank you so much, Birmingham.
[Audience cheers and applauds.]
Simon: Well done you.
[Audience continues to cheer and applaud.]
Amanda: Very good!
Ant/Dec (who knows!?): Aw we like him a lot! / Other one: Yeah, he's great!
[Audience applauds and chants "Press the Gold".]
[Buzzer sound effect as Amanda hits gold buzzer. Audience cheers loudly in response.]
Daliso: YAY!
[Audience continues to clearly loudly.]
Daliso: Thank you!
[Audience continues to clearly loudly.]