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hi guys today I want to talk through
some things that I've just been having a
little bit of self reflection on I am
sitting here today in my kitchen writing
down some notes on what I would tell my
20 year old self I want to invite you
guys to this conversation as well so if
you could leave in the comments things
that you would tell your 20 year old
self it's totally cool if you're not yet
20 or you are 20 right now the first
thing I would say to do is to use
sunscreens girl when I was 20 years old
I was not opposed to laying out on our
black roof like climbing through the
window and laying there in the scorching
Sun for a couple hours very
uncomfortably just to get a little bit
of a tan and I don't tan easily so it
took forever not with great results and
now I look at my skin and I'm like I
wonder if I would have just tried a
little harder and warned some SPF that I
would have had better skin longer next
is to get to know personalities because
when I was 20 I was a little bit more
easily offended by things by not
understanding why maybe someone wasn't a
morning person or just naturally wasn't
like me or wasn't structured like me
because we all have different viewpoints
and it's so interesting to get to know
those people and to understand their
viewpoint so that naturally when they
make a choice or they react in some way
that you're like oh that's because they
generally have that viewpoint and it's
just so enlightening so I couldn't sue
many sort of personality tests I've
especially loved this for getting to
know Zack just family members and just
people that are really in my close
circle or people that I meet off the bat
if we're kind of talking through
personality types as one does then I am
able to know them better and really get
an idea of their own personality type I
could really go on about this I'm gonna
leave it there but if you guys want me
to do any sort of series or topics
regarding personality types any
agreement
let me know in the comments below okay
next have patience it's something that's
not built overnight though and I find
that the older I get I get a little bit
more patient even though I have less
time to work with which is so
interesting but I really think that
having patience means to not put so much
pressure on yourself at the age of 20 I
think that it's a beautiful age where
you don't have to have everything
figured out I remember so many people in
college were gripped by this idea of
having that know your major and all this
stuff and while that's important
sometimes it's okay if you don't have
everything figured out just yet and that
brings me to my next point
which is to stay in the driver's seat of
your own life and what that means is at
20 you know you might find that your
circle whether that's guidance
counsellors parents friends family
anything like that they're still in the
mode of telling you what to think and
what to do and at that point you might
need to start trusting your instincts to
see if you are actually on the correct
path now that I look back I look at what
I did with my college and everything I
am thankful for all of those classes and
the experience but I think for me
personally I didn't need to finish four
years of my degree I think that when
it's something like design where you
don't necessarily need certification as
much as you need a portfolio I could
have done that more with street smarts
than with book smarts and I think that
with design there are so many resources
out there today but honestly I didn't
have back then so that's a factor but
know those things for yourself at the
same time College can be absolutely
amazing for some people in some degrees
and even for people who aren't sure yet
what to do next I know that for Zach he
went into college thinking I'm going to
be an accountant so he took one
accounting semester and he was like nope
this is absolutely wrong he said that if
he wasn't in the college environment he
wouldn't have found design as an option
there are benefits there too I know that
I must at that age you just need to
flirt with different styles of career
paths and that's okay too
but I think the key there is at 20 years
old it's time to get in the driver's
seat of your own life and make those
tough decisions for yourself even if
it's not what everyone in your life is
telling you to do on that note it's
important to pick your battles so when I
was 20 and I see this in other people
who are around that age to is that I
never picked my battles I still find
this really hard to do because I just
cared deeply about everything and I find
it very difficult to not have opinions
about it and I love to dialogue with
people about things that's probably why
I like to have a youtube channel as I
like communication I like to think
deeply on certain topics sometimes that
hasn't always benefited my relationship
with one or two people like personally
in my inner circle I think if I was to
really Zone in on making a relationship
work with another person whether that's
you know marriage or friendship or
anything you don't want to pick every
single fight right then there are times
when it's okay to lean back and be like
I think that's worth coming back to
later I'll have to think on that like
these are ways to create some space and
revisit and later when it's more
appropriate things can be talked about
later always but there's times when you
want to only highlight the really
critical things that need to be solved
so that those times people listen to you
if you're always on fire about
absolutely everything people will say oh
that's Bethenny and she's always worried
she's always mad I'm like I'm never mad
I just find this to be something I'm
passionate about and so that has been
more difficult to explain if just
everything is on fire so in a nutshell I
like to pick my battles to think through
things and have really patience with
people as we sort through life's issues
together it takes time and it needs to
be more centered around
relationship and finally before the Sun
sets
I don't know how bright it looks on
screen but the Sun is literally setting
is to focus on the good and the bad
doesn't get as much limelight the bad
will fade so there's ways that I do this
one way is when talking about someone
else if they're not around it's
incredibly important to talk about the
positive things about that person
they're not there to defend themselves
and by talking about the better things
about someone then the bad doesn't get
as much limelight it fades in the
background
and I think that's also important just
in general with my thought process the
more that I set my mind on things I'm
thankful for being that we're almost at
Thanksgiving then I'm able to really
Zone in on making my life more enjoyable
and less about things that are so
critical like I talked about previously
focusing on the good and the bad fades
also is really important to me whatever
I want to work on in my life I'm working
toward positive things and that sets me
up to head toward those goals rather
than the things that could really set me
behind and in a nutshell those are my
tips on what I would tell my younger
self as sort of an older sister figure
but honestly I think that it's really
important at 20 to enjoy this moment
enjoy the ride
I would say travel as much as you can
but I know even at 20 it's not always
feasible but if you can travel at all if
you can try new experiences it might be
easier now in your 20s to do that and
flirt with new career ideas then if
you're more settled so as always thank
you so much for watching and don't
forget to Like and subscribe and I'll
see you guys next time
some fees
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[Applause]
yeah question
about everything
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