The ice cream man is coming!
The ice cream man is coming! (audience laughing)
Mom! (audience cheering)
Mom, throw down some money! (audience laughing)
The ice cream man is coming. (audience cheering)
Then your mother would come to the window
and be throwing change, and saying,
"Go get your father a toasted almond bar,
"and get your brother a Icee,
"and get yourself a vanilla cone,
"and bring me back my change."
And you'd catch all that shit and run down the street,
top speed. (audience chuckling)
Chasing the ice cream truck going,
"Ice cream!" (audience laughing)
Ice cream man always drove a extra block though.
And I know he seen us, and shit.
(audience laughing)
But I think he just be in the car with his friend saying,
"Watch me make how fast I make these motherfuckers run."
(audience cheering) (imitates engine revving)
And you'd be behind him doing 50, going,
"Ice cream!" (audience laughing)
He'd stop, you'd be all out of wind, saying,
(panting) "Ice cream man, ice cream man, can I have this?
"I want this over here,
"and a toasted almond bar for my father.
"And give me this Icee over here, and a vanilla cone.
"Thank you, ice cream man, thank you.
"Thank you ice cream man, thank you."
And you'd get your ice cream, I get my ice cream,
and I remember it all, I'd get my ice cream,
and I didn't eat it, I'd sing for a little while, you know.
(audience chuckling)
You know how kids are, I'd be going...
(audience laughing)
♪ I have some ice cream ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ I have some ice cream ♪
♪ And I'm gonna eat it all ♪
♪ I'm gonna eat it all ♪
(audience cheering)
And ice cream would be running all down your arm, and shit.
And you'd be like,
♪ Ice cream ♪
♪ I'm going to eat all of my ice cream ♪
(audience laughing) ♪ Ice cream, ice cream ♪
And there'd always be one kid on the side
that didn't get no ice cream,
and kids don't care, they'd go,
♪ You don't have no ice cream ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ You didn't get none ♪
♪ 'Cause you are on the welfare ♪
(audience cheering) ♪ And can't afford it ♪
♪ You can't afford it ♪
(audience cheering)
Other kids join in,
♪ You can't afford it ♪
♪ And his father is a alcoholic ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Do you want some ice cream ♪
♪ He want to eat some of my ice cream but ♪
Want a lick?
Psych! (audience cheering)
♪ You want some ice cream ♪
♪ I'm going to eat all of my ice cream ♪
♪ You cannot have some ♪
♪ You can't-- ♪ (microphone thuds)
(audience cheering)
♪ You dropped your ice cream ♪ (audience cheering)
♪ You dropped your ice cream ♪
(smacks lips) (audience cheering)
♪ I have ice cream ♪
♪ I kissed it up to God ♪ (audience laughing)
Eat it, I could drop my ice cream
in a pile of shit and eat it.
(audience laughing)
I'd be saying, "It's just sprinkles, it's like sprinkles."
Don't let your mother catch you
doing that nasty shit, though.
My mother caught me doing that, she'd make you put it down.
One second and, "Put-that-back-on-the-floor!"
And you would drop that shit quick, and say,
"I wasn't gonna eat it."
(audience laughing)
My mother caught me doing that,
anybody got them mothers that would hit you with a shoe?
(audience cheering)
I had a mother that would throw a shoe at you,
at the drop of a dime.
And fuck you up wherever she was aiming.
(audience laughing)
It was bad with her shoe,
she would like carry that shit like a gun.
By the time I was like 10,
my mother was like Clint Eastwood with a shoe.
(audience laughing)
And you fuck up, my mother walk in the room was like,
(whistling "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly")
(audience cheering)
Why did you eat the ice cream off the floor?
(audience laughing)
I didn't eat no ice cream (imitates gun banging)
(audience cheering)
(whistling "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly")
Bad, accurate.
You'd be in a supermarket and shit,
and be grabbing cereal off the counter, and going,
"Ma, can we get this?"
She was like (imitates gun banging).
(air whooshing) I guess not.
(audience laughing)
And can be doing three different things.
Be on the phone with my grandmother,
and be cooking with this hand,
have the phone like this, and be saying,
"Yeah mama, hold on a second."
(imitates gun banging) Bad.
(audience laughing)
Fuck you up, and God forbid my mother would be dressed up
and have them high heel dress shoes on.
(audience laughing) Them pumps.
'Cause then she get boomerang action going on your ass.
(audience laughing)
And fuck you up in the room,
you won't even know what the fuck happened.
(audience laughing)
They can hear you
when they're getting ready to walk out the door,
and hear you on the bunk beds fucking around.
They got that mother hearing.
They hear that shit, they say,
"Wait a minute, baby."
(audience laughing)
(imitates radar beeping)
(audience laughing)
(imitates boomerang whooshing)
(imitates boomerang thudding) Ah!
(imitates boomerang whooshing) Let's go.
(audience cheering)
(upbeat music)