Online tests are for the most part pretty meaningless.
Even so, I'll bet most of us have taken a personality quiz at one point or another,
and who hasn't spent ten minutes of their life trying to work out when they're going
to die, how much of an 80's chick you are and which game of thrones character you'd
like to die being spooned by.
But not all online tests are like this, as some are backed by genuine psychological research,
and others….well they are just plain freaky.
So if you've ever wanted to find out how racist you are, what fetishes you and your partner
share or if you've got resting bitch face, then check out these ten weird online tests
you can take right now.
Number 10: How Racist Are You?
I like to believe that I am completely free of all bias, whether it's racial, political
or otherwise.
But sometimes I'm walking down the street and I see a Welshman and I really have to
hold myself back from kicking his stupid face off.
So I wonder, exactly how prejudiced am I?
Well thanks to the fine folks at tolerance dot org we can find out by taking their Implicit
Association Tests to quantify our unconscious biases.
Do you hate fat people?
Are you prejudiced against those of a different age, gender, sexuality or race?
Then step right up and confront your inner bigot without delay.
First I took the skin tone test, and it began by asking me to identify people as light or
dark skinned, and then say whether I thought a particular word was good or bad.
It then straight up asked me if I preferred lighter skin over dark skin, and obviously
I said no, because I love making waistcoats from the skin of every race.
But it turns out I was lying, and apparently I have an automatic preference for light skinned
over dark skinned people.
However, I then took the race test, and it told me I had no detectable prejudice.
So what do I do?
Join the KKK or sign up for a liberal arts major?
I am so confused right now.
Number 9: Are You Vengeful?
Has our last entry made you realise you're not as woke as you thought?
I bet you'd love to find out where we live and mail us some dog poop wouldn't you?
Or would you?
Have you got a taste for revenge, or are you willing to forgive and forget?
The TRIM revenge test can tell you the answer to this question better than most, as it was
developed in the late 90's by professional psychologist Michael McCullogh - unlike most
online tests, which are developed by depressed failed screenwriters working for Buzzfeed.
There are a few of these tests online, but the easiest one we found was hosted by nymag
here… http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/07/test-yourself-do-you-seek-out-revenge-or-avoid-your-problems.html
I took this test, and it turns out I have both a high rating for vengeance and avoidance.
So if you ever dare cross me I'll have to take my revenge at a distance, probably with
a javelin or something.
Number 8: Are You Crazy This one's a little trippy, and I'm not sure
how scientifically accurate it is, but what the hell let's try it anyway.
By viewing this video of a rotating Charlie Chaplin mask, you can apparently tell whether
or not you have schizophrenia.
https://youtu.be/QbKw0_v2clo The mask uses an optical illusion to display
a second face within the concave part of the mask, and to most people this illusion works,
appearing as if a convex face is emerging from the wrong side.
But if this illusion doesn't work on you, and the second face appears concave the whole
time, you might have schizophrenia.
Like I said, I'm not so sure of the validity of this test, but what I do know is that I
tried really really hard to see the concave mask on every single rotation.
Number 7: The Shape Test http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html
Hypnoid dot com's shape test uses the Pierley Redford Dissociative Affect Diagnostic to
test your brain's affective response system, and while the results are often worded like
a crap horoscope you'd read in Cosmo, the test itself is pretty darn trippy.
Its questions revolve around the attribution of emotion to various shapes, and along the
way you'll be asked to determine which shape is insane, which shape is sinful, which shape
can hear you breathing and which shape wants to hurt you.
The test told me I'm living in a higher realm, and considering the lifestyle choices of many
of our viewers, I suspect that may be the case for some of you guys too.
Number 6: Hot or not?
Anyone else remember that early 2000's website Hot or Not?
It was and apparently still is a site where people rate each other's profile pictures
on a score out of ten.
And after you've been rated, a solid 6.9 like me might then get a few messages from people
who like what's going on in your facial regions; but these strangers may have been wrong to
validate me so, because did you know that attractiveness is not necessarily an exact
science?
Studies into the symmetry and presence of certain ratios have been used in an attempt
to quantify what makes humans attractive, but much of it is down to personal preference.
So have you ever wondered how your tastes stack up against other people?
Well now you can find out, by going to testmybrain dot org and taking their "Judging Face Attractiveness"
test.
All you have to do is rate fifty generated faces for attractiveness, tell the testers
whether you're Hispanic or Latino, and once you're done, the test will tell you how similar
your scores were to the average.
I took it and scored reasonably high, meaning that my preferences are similar to most people.
But if you scored low then don't be upset, it just means the entire world's ugmo's are
yours for the taking.
Number 5: Flea Bites Ever wonder if you've got flea bites?
I know I have, so head on over to fleabites dot net and take their "Do you have flea bites"
test.
http://www.fleabites.net/do-you-have-flea-bites-test-yourself-and-find-out/ I mean what more can I say?
If you've got an especially mangy cat or dog you'd be mad not to find out.
Number 4: Resting Bitch Face If you've uploaded a photo to Hot or Not and
everyone's told you you've got resting bitch face, then it's important you get tested.
Every day thousands of young people suffer from RBF associated ailments, but this condition
is easily cured if caught early enough.
By heading over to Noldus dot com and uploading a photograph to their Resting Bitch Face page,
their sophistamacated algorithm jiggy will analyse your expression to determine its levels
of contempt.
We tried it out with this picture of our very own Nathan posing with a monkey…
https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13669741_1775622799317812_3144796477302282825_n.jpg?oh=4bfc3228b5a6a0e1f94c7da06306bd73&oe=5971E7E6 …and while Nathan scored low due to his
altogether pleasant demeanour, the monkey was judged to be a nasty cold hearted bitch.
Number 3: Where's Your Mouth From?
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2013/12/20/sunday-review/dialect-quiz-map.html?_r=1& This next one is mostly for residents of the
USA, but since American culture has infected every corner of the globe then non-residents
may wanna give it a shot anyway.
This test hosted by the New York Times will tell you which region of America has most
influenced the way you talk.
Questions include "what do you call a sweetened carbonated beverage", "do you pronounce cot
and caught the same" and "how many syllables do you use in the pronunciation of caramel".
Apparently my dialect is influenced by California, Hawaii and New York, with barely anything
in between.
Go figure.
Number 2: Are You Into That?
If you're in a relationship and your sex life is getting a little boring, you might consider
introducing something new into the equation to spice things up.
Perhaps a little whipped cream, maybe some Mickey and Minnie role play, or what about
some good old fashioned Acrotomophilia.
You might need a hacksaw for that last one though.
But plucking up the courage to suggest these new and exciting activities can be pretty
tricky, especially if your partner is the kind of person who thinks doing it with the
lights on counts as kinky.
But the Mojo Upgrade test removes the possibility for embarrassment by presenting both you and
your other half with a series of common fetishes to pick from.
Should you match up on any it'll let you know, otherwise it keeps them a secret.
So if you want a little Fifty Shades action and your partner's up for that, pow, tomorrow
night's gonna be a whole lot more interesting.
And if only one of you is into dressing up as a horse while someone whips your buttocks
with a badminton racket, that piece of information will remain known only to you and your browsing
history.
Number 1: Can I hear colours?
Synaesthesia is a condition which causes some humans to experience a strange crossover of
the senses, such as the ability to associate sounds with colours, words with a certain
taste, and to feel the sensation of being touched on certain areas of the body when
a particular sound is played.
And if you've ever wondered if you have this ability you can find out by going to synesthete
dot org and taking their synaesthesia battery test.
You have to register to take the full test, but you can find out if you're likely to have
some form of synaesthesia by taking the introductory test first, which includes such wonderful
questions as "Does the name 'Derek' taste like earwax?"
and is Wednesday always orange?
And that's our list.
Let us know if you took these tests and what you results were by posting in the comments
below.
And once you've done that, take a look at our recent video on five mind-bending psychological
theories…because did you know that Shia Labeouf loves Strange Mysteries?