>> HAY, I'M CURTIS "50 CENT" JACKSON.
AND MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A FORMER CORRESPONDENT FOR "GOOD MORNING
AMERICA" AND THE MOVIE "LOVE GURU."
PLEASE WELCOME STEPHEN COLBERT.
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW!
>> AGREEMENT TO HAVE YOU HERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: WHAT AN AMAZING AUDIENCE, UNBELIEVABLE.
>> GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: UNBELIEVABLE.
YOU HAVE THE GREATEST BAND.
>> THAT BAND IS PRETTY GOOD.
I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH THESE GUYS.
>> Stephen: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
>> SO YOU'VE BEEN HOSTING "THE LATE SHOW"" FOR FOUR YEARS.
>> Stephen: YEAH, SINCE-- JUST ABOUT FOUR YEARS, YEAH.
>> NUMBER ONE, IS THERE ANY PRESSURE TO STAY NUMBER ONE?
>> Stephen: NO, IT JUST COMES NATURALLY
( LAUGHTER ).
>> IT'S JUST IN YOU.
>> Stephen: I DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
>> SO THE QUESTION I HAVE, AND I'M SURE THE AUDIENCE HAS, IS
THERE ANYTHING... THAT YOU WON'T DO TO STAY NUMBER ONE?
( LAUGHTER )
TO COMMITTING A CRIME.
( LAUGHTER )
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
SO...
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YES, YEAH.
I WILL NOT HARM-- I DON'T WANT TO HARM ANYBODY.
>> SO I WANT TO ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION.
>> Stephen: A REAL PERSONAL QUESTION?
>> YOU'RE MARRIED, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
>> Stephen: I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS.
>> 25 YEARS.
( APPLAUSE )
25 GOOD YEARS.
>> SO LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION-- WHAT DO YOU DO OR SAY
AT SOME POINT TO IMPRESS YOUR WIFE?
>> Stephen: WHAT I DO DO.
MY WIFE-- MY WIFE WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR SO THE MOST IMPRESSIVE
THING I COULD POSSIBLY DO WOULD BE TO GET A WORD OF MY OWN IN
THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY.
AND I DID.
THE WORD "TRUTHINESS."
IT'S IN WEBSTER'S.
AND WHEN YOUR WIFE-- AND YOUR WIFE IS AN ENGLISH MAJOR THAT'S
AS CLOSE AS I WILL HAVE TO GETTING WASHBOARD ABS.
>> WERE YOU ALWAYS REALLY GOOD WITH THE LADY?
>> Stephen: WAS I ALWAYS GOOD WITH THE LADIES?
NO, NO.
I WAS MOSTLY AFRAID OF THE LADIES.
>> THIS PROBABLY HUNDREDS YOU OUT WITH YOUR WIFE.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A LONG STRING--
>> NOT LIKE YOU WERE A RAPPER AT ONE POINT.
ALM KINDS OF THINGS HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
IS THERE A-- IS THERE A LOT OF-- EDUCATE ME TO THE RAP SCENE
HERE.
>> WELL, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
>> Stephen: IS THERE A LOT OF SEX IN THE RAP SCENE?
>> WELL, NO ONE IS EVER PREPARED-- A MAN IS NOT PREPARED
TO BE TREATED LIKE AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I AM 100% PREPARED TO BE TREATED LIKE AN ATTRACTIVE
WOMAN.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY, THAT THE UNWANTED ATTENTION?
>> NO, WOMEN ARE -- >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.
>> THEY HAVE TO BE SELECTIVE.
THEY HAVE TO BE STLECT OF SELECTIVE.
A MAN COULD BE ON A TASTE TEST TO TRY THAEFG COMES ACROSS.
>> Stephen: A MAN-- A MAN WOULD HAVE SEX WITH A TREE
STUMP.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT A MATTER OF BEING SELECTIVE.
MEN ARE ANIMALS.
>> RIGHT-- NO, WE'RE JUST MADE DIFFERENT.
>> Stephen: VIVA LA DIFFERENCE.
>> I WOULD JUST SAY, STEPHEN, NO ONE IS PREPARED TO BE TREATED
LIKE THAT.
WHEN IT HAPPENS IT GOES BOOM!
AND YOU GO, ME?
ARE YOU SERIOUS GIRL?
COME HERE.
>> Stephen: YOU MEAN WHEN YOU, LIKE, WHEN YOU REALLY HIT IN THE
MUSIC SCENE WHEN YOU BECOME A BIG DEAL, SUDDENLY YOU'RE A SEX
SYMBOL-- >> LIKE YOU GOT A WHOLE FACE
LIFT.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY WORK DONE?
>> NO I DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE ANY WORK, I WAS ALREADY EYE HAD TO
FIX MY TEETH.
LOOK, YOU GOTTA FIX SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE.
I HAD AN ASS IMPLANT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> THIS IS-- WOOO!
>> Stephen: IT DOES NOT GET THIS WIDE AND JUICY BY ITSELF,
MY FRIEND.
>> SO LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT MENTORSHIP.
>> Stephen: MENTORSHIP?
>> IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT YOU SEE THAT YOU KIND OF
WERE ABLE TO TAKE SOME NOTES FROM?
>> Stephen: YEAH, MEMBERSHIP PEOPLE.
LET'S SEE, I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO WORK FOR JON STEWART FOR MANY
YEARS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND WE'RE STILL FRIENDS, WE'RE
STILL FRIENDS.
AND I STILL CALL HIM UP.
BECAUSE HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN YOU CALL UP AND SAY-- "YOU KNOW WHAT
IT'S LIKE TO DO SOME OF THESE JOBS," AND YOU EXPLAIN SOME OF
THE CHALLENGES YOU HAD OR THE GREAT-- I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY
THE OTHER NIGHT TO HAVE DINNER WITH ONE OF MY COMEDY HERE
ORGANIZATION AN OLDER GENTLEMAN WHO I GREATLY ADMIRE.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF WHEN IT WAS OVER
BECAUSE IT FELT NATURAL TO HAVE THAT.
IT FREAKED ME OUT MORE THAT IT WAS COMPLETELY RELAXED AND
COMFORTABLE.
AND I CALLED JON AND SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW THAT DIDN'T
SEEM STRANGE."
AND I KNOW HE UNDERSTANDS.
YEAH.
>> COMEDY, IT'S PRETTY DIFFICULT AT POINTS.
IS THERE EVER A TIME THAT YOU ARE SAYING SOMETHING AND IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE PG-13 BUT IT'S COMING OUT "R" RATED?
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
THAT DOES HAPPEN.
YEAH.
>> I UNDERSTAND.
THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE TRYING TO-- YOU'RE TRYING TO-- YOU'RE
TRYING TO RAP PG, AND IT COMES OUT "R" REPRESENTATIVED?
>> I ALWAYS TRY TO SAY SOMETHING IN A CLEAN-CUT WAY AND IT JUST
COMES UP ON THE THE 50 CENT WAY.
( LAUGHTER )
HAVE, LIKE, A WAY TO GET OUT OF TROUBLE, LIKE THE ABILITY TO GET
OUT OF TROUBLE A LOT?
>> Stephen: THE WAY I GOT OUT OF TROUBLE AS A CHILD WAS TO BE
THE YOUNGEST CHILD OF 11.
>> OH.
>> Stephen: THEY DID NOT HAVE TIME--
>> THERE WERE 11 PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER.
>> Stephen: TO DISCIPLINE ME.
REALLY MY MOM USED TO SAY AT THE END OF THE DAY, SHE'D GO, "10
FINGERS, 10 TOES, GO TO BED."
HONEST TO GOD.
I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT I WAS A FREE-RANGE CHILD.
I SPENT A LOT OF TIMES IN THE WOOD--
>> STEPHEN, THEY'RE GIVING ME THE SIGN, I GOTTA WRAP.
OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THIS.
>> "THE LATE SHOW"" IS ON CBS.
STEPHEN COLBERT.
EVERYBODY.