he's gonna take you back to the past
to play the shitty games and suck ass
he'd rather have
a buffalo take a diary
he's the angriest gamer you've ever
heard
he's the angry video gamer
a simple word a simple idea it's just
pong
it was one of the first video arcades
from 1972
a simple screen mounted inside what
looked like a carved tree stump
you could call this the wooden age of
video games when everything was made of
wood
and two people playing tennis look like
two glow sticks batting a square ball
back and forth
yeah this is before circles were
invented in spite of its simplicity
it's a fun and addicting game even to
this day
i thought it was fun apparently people
thought so too
back then that's why they made a home
pong console
so you can play it at home and then
there is another one
and another one and another one and
another one
and another one and another one there
was like nine million
[ __ ] pong consoles a pong console can
refer to any game system made in the 70s
that didn't utilize cartridges
instead they had one building game which
was pong
sometimes they included different
variations certain kind of updates
but it's mind-blowing to think that such
a simple game could have inspired
so many pieces of hardware to play it so
just for shits and giggles we're going
to take a look at all the pong consoles
which i happen to own this right here
is the tournament 1000 by unisonic
unfortunately this one doesn't work but
with game consoles this old
that's something you have to expect from
what we can assume
you can select between four different
kinds of pond and over here
it looks like the game didn't even have
the technology of keeping score
so you have to do it manually which is
pretty shitty even the most basic pawn
games kept score
the controllers slide out right here now
that's what you call
a basic controller next the apf
tv fun that's a great name isn't it the
console's got that wooden paneling and
it's shaped like some kind of spaceship
the controllers are like cylinders you
move the paddle by turning this thing
right here
this game is your basic pong this little
switch here
changes the type of pong one thing
that's typical about pawn consoles
is that the sound effects never come
through the tv they come from a built-in
speaker on the console itself i guess
you can say it's similar to the wiimote
how certain sound effects come out of it
next the wonder wizard looks like a slab
of wood with game dials thrown on
it it was literally built from a
magnavox odyssey using the same circuit
board
and part of the plastic casing also it
uses the same video connector
it's the most bizarre thing i've ever
seen and as far to my knowledge it only
exists on the odyssey and the wonder
wizard
this might be a good time to bring up
that most of these old consoles have a
connector that looks like this
you have to plug them into a box and
then screw the box into your tv
but i say get yourself one of these plug
it into the coaxial input on your tv
plug the game in and tell that box to go
[ __ ] itself
however the odyssey and wonder wizard
with this [ __ ] weird [ __ ]
you have no choice but to use a box and
even worse
it has to be a special box that takes
this crap
and after all that you're lucky if the
picture comes in clear
channel 3 channel 4 what the [ __ ]
the left paddle won't stop flickering
and the right paddle doesn't even exist
where is it where is it and speaking of
weird hookups
the worst of all is the rca studio 2.
technically it's not a pawn console
because it uses cartridges
but when the hell am i ever going to
talk about this thing typically any game
system will use
two wires one for the ac adapter and one
to plug into the tv
but then there's shitty consoles like
this that think they're being cutting
edge by combining both the wires into
one
in other words both the video connector
and ac adapter plug
into the same box which then plugs into
the tv
again forcing you to use a box and to
unscrew it every time you want to play a
different game system
so technically speaking the video signal
is traveling up this wire and then the
electricity
coming from the wall socket is coming
back
through the same wire i don't even
understand how that works
the only other system i know that does
that is the atari 5200
we all know how much ass that thing
sucks
one last thing to say about the rca
studio 2 it doesn't even have any
external controllers two players would
have to huddle around and use the
keypads
man if there was an rca studio one i'd
hate to see it
next the radio shack tv scoreboard
looks like a remote for a tv with the
siamese twin
pull this off you give it to your friend
say [ __ ] you this is all you get
look at me i got all this [ __ ] i'm in
control [ __ ]
why is the ball keep going through the
paddle serve
reset reset serve i'm playing ghost pong
oh there's color all of a sudden the
color comes on
the sears super pong telegame simple
enough
two little knobs for controllers works
all right basic pong
you got four different kinds of pong
like what the
hell is this reverse pong okay now
what's this
[ __ ] pong that's not fair
color sport eight now this is badass
looking
the controllers pop out the sides like
that two more controllers plug in
so i guess you could have four players
got all these switches here
four different games handball hockey
tennis skeet
okay what's going on all they do is
change color
hockey's red tennis is blue is that it
i don't even know if this thing's
working right ricochet
well this is excessive instead of two
controllers
let's have two consoles aside from the
clunky design
the game works okay except the right
controller is a little jittery
that's what happens the thing about
these pawn consoles and one of the
things that makes them so fun to play
is that the paddles move so fluently
it's like an analog
control that doesn't exist in games
today the downside is that they break
easily
and sometimes you get this jittery
movement
this yellow bastard here is called the
tv4
four-way video game rolls right off your
tongue
well you already know how i feel about
these accursed boxes
how do you think i feel that this one is
permanently attached to the [ __ ] game
console
these things come from hell these forks
at the end might as well be the devil's
pitchfork
one of them's chewed off so i have no
way of connecting it to the tv
and i have no way of replacing the box
you think that makes me happy
it doesn't another one i can't play
is the color tv game six it was made by
nintendo in 1977
pretty cool it was only released in
japan which is why it won't work on my
american tvs
i've heard something about turning the
channel to 95
but none of my tvs go any higher than
82.
apparently it has six games and two
players would have to grapple for the
controls
nintendo had an updated version with 15
games and detachable controllers
here's the volley six fresh in the box
ah that stained white color tasteless
wood grain
it reeks with age the controllers
dismount and you got a nice tray to hold
your beer
[ __ ] almost the games are pretty typical
it's your average pong with one
exception it's got some gun games
i don't have the gun that goes with it
but as you can see on the box
it was some serious [ __ ] this is an
example of a pawn console that uses
batteries
that's another thing i need to mention
it's always c batteries
but you have the option of using an ac
adapter
now tell me what would you rather do run
to the store to get some
c batteries to play your volley 6 or
just plug in the wall the only problem
is that a lot of these pond consoles did
not include the ac adapter
now i don't know if that's because
people lose them or they break
but judging from the box and just the
fact that batteries are an option
i imagine a lot of times they didn't
include it now what are you gonna do
with batteries played at the [ __ ]
beach
did pond consoles have some kind of deal
with the battery companies to sell more
[ __ ] batteries
all right this is the magnavox odyssey
4000
in between the odyssey and odyssey 2
which were cartridge based
magnavox made a whole bunch of pong
consoles naming them after the thousand
digits
the biggest innovation here is that you
can move in any direction
rather than just straight up and down
the
fairchild channel f was another
innovation it's a cartridge-based
console
but it includes a great pond game the
controllers were the most complicated
yet
and it takes some time getting used to
but when you do it's awesome
rocking the stick moves the paddle in
any four directions
twisting and turning changes the angle
the paddle is facing
pushing and pulling moves the goalie up
and down if you play with a friend it
makes for a busy and
intense game upon this is the coleco
telstar
once again the controllers are built on
the console
there's three settings tennis hockey and
handball
it's another basic palm console at last
we have the coleco telstar arcade
look at this mess a steering wheel a gun
what madman came up with this believe it
or not
it actually uses cartridges have you
ever seen a cartridge like this
a silver triangle that snaps onto the
top of the console
on one side you have a regular pond game
on the other
you have a racing game the lever
controls your speed
and the wheel steers your car vertically
on the screen
it's kinda cool
the gun game is like trying to shoot
falling stars
it's impossible but the gun's probably
broken so who knows
well that's pong for you all these
different consoles goes to show
how such a simple game could become such
a hot
selling franchise i could see people
thinking 30 years ago
wow pog this is where it's at
it ain't gonna get any better than this
now what's this here this
xbox 360 some modern game system
i don't know maybe it has advanced
graphics might even be in color
let's check it out
you