A JoBlo Movie Network Exclusive (Hit me as hard, you can)
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Cyborg
Sudden Death
Lance Vlcek here. For Arrow In The Head's The F%$kin' Black Sheep.
Where we take a look at the opposing opinion of the genre's most divisive films...
I have and will always be
I have and will always be Team Van Damme.
From 1988 to 1995 we got JCVD's golden era.
Not that he hasn't had a hell of a comeback.
And not that there hasn't been some gems throughout the last two decades.
But those six years were his wave.
I'd like to explore two films from his peak.
One at the beginning and one at the end.
Sit down and grab a drink.
It's time we talk about Cyborg and Sudden Death.
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
"Isn't Street Fighter considered The Black Sheep?"
Listen, technically, yes.
But Street Fighter is textbook awfully good.
And it isn't my place to interfere in such things.
But between you and me,
I will say I truly believe it's misunderstood.
And shit, here it comes.
It is played more for less.
(Whispering) And everyone involved was aiming more for parody.
Everybody here is having the time of their life.
I mean, come on, look at Raul Julia.
"The cerebral programming. Quick, patch it in here!"
"Anyone, who opposes me, will be destroyed."
"The day Bison graced your village..
was the most important day of your life.
But for me..
It was Tuesday."
I haven't had that much fun in years.
Let's start with 1989's Cyborg.
Released a year after Van Damme's star-making role in Bloodsport.
This was an obvious attempt to try and steer away, from making a carbon copy.
And do something a bit different.
And though it didn't take off like Cannon hoped it would...
Listen, my friends.
Cyborg is a f*$king gem!
Sorry, I just started Deadwood for the first time.
Set in a post-apocalyptic America after the collapse of civilization.
Insult was added to the injury, and the plague wiped out most of who was left.
Van Damme plays Gibson Rickenbacker.
Yeah, the names are instrument-themed and ridiculous.
A slinger or a hired gun, who traverses the land in between work,
looking for the gang, who killed his family.
This is a simple 80's action plot, twisted around in a Mad Max type of world.
This was the era of the mid-grade action film, and Van Damme was the new kid in town.
Not to shy away from the violent world that's set up.
We get a naked crucified woman, decorating the town square.
The murder of children.
I commend that they don't shy away from the violence, but embrace it.
Not to mention the fact, that the main roaming gang doubles as raping and pillaging pirates.
Oh yeah, they got a ship.
Fender is a villain born out of 80's excess.
He has such a distinctive look and feel.
He creeped me out as a kid.
Even as an adult, he seems otherworldly.
Alien-like eyes, suspiciously low voice...
"I'd be a God!"
Screams during battle.
(Brawl, Fender screams)
(Screams)
I mean, that's more than any real person would, right?
I'm not saying he's an alien.
But I am saying, that my girlfriend walked into the room, watched about 5 minutes,
and said, "He's not human, right?"
Dressed in chain mesh, shoulder pads and a pair of 80's shades,
that get progressively dirtier, as the movie goes on.
He is one..
"Ugly motherfucka.."
Yes, he is pretty over the top.
And though this is Van Damme's movie, a great bad guy is just as important as a great lead.
We he finally comes face to face with Fender, he gets beaten half to death.
And crucified on a beached ship.
Now, I'm not saying that Van Damme was a Christ allegory.
I'm just saying his initials are JC and he rises once.
To kick ass and take names.
No mortal man can leg chop his way off the cross.
But Van Damme can and will.
Though he does great as an 80's Christ,
my requirements for a great representation are pretty simple.
You gotta be jacked, and rock out a high G.
(Hits the High G)
Goddamn right, Ted Neeley. Heart and soul.
You know, Cyborg fares pretty well, considering its train wreck of an origin story.
And this has enough behind-the-scenes drama, that it could be its own episode of
What The F*ck Happened to This Movie?
Cannon was famous for producing action B-movies on the cheap.
No complaints here.
After a string of flops, Cannon was in dire straits.
With Masters of the Universe and Superman IV being guaranteed hits,
they would once again be back on top.
They both failed.
This put Cannon on life support.
Since they were a company, that didn't waste time,
they had already begun construction on the sets for Masters of the Universe 2 and upcoming Spider-Man film.
Needing to recoup costs, director and writer Albert Pyun
Pai.. Pa.. Paiun... Sorry I can't pronounce it to save my life.
And I don't read so good.
"Well...
You know, we..
So well..."|
Quickly wrote up a script. And using what was already built and paid for.
And after all of that, they shot this film in only 24 days.
So, are there problems with Cyborg? Yeah.
But for the time spent writing and directing, I'd argue this is a miracle of a film!
A young Van Damme action sci-fi flick, that is pure 80's!
And with an above splits head stab.. I mean, who can complain?
(Screams)
I'm here to tell you, that as a Die Hard rip-off, and I'm being honest,
Sudden Death is one of Van Damme's best!
Jean-Claude plays Darren McCord, an ex-firefighter, who lost a little kid on the job.
And.. well, he lost his way.
Now a fire marshal, Darren hopes to make up for lost time
by taking his son and daughter to game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals.
Now only is this his biggest budget film, equal to Street Fighter, and more than his masterpiece Timecop,
"Which is like Looper, starring Bruce Willis, but like a million times better.."
but this is some of his best acting as well! You really feel for him here!
His wife took his kids, is with some rich dude, who seems nice by the way.
It always gets me, when he changes the lightbulb,
and it causes his kids to question his worth.
Poor guy just can't catch a break.
Where John Cutter and Casey Ryback seemed only slightly over their heads
with a fair dose of confidence, Darren is perpetually overwhelmed.
This is his face throughout the entire movie.
The everyman trope is executed flawlessly.
I know he's tough and can hit back, but I actually believe he cares about his kids.
"If you fuck around and something happens to my kids.."
His son has the building crumble around him, yet he doesn't move.
"I didn't move. Not even when things blew up."
(Crying) "I didn't move."
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Hell of a father, Van Damme.
A hell of a father.
A bit over the top, but when he stops the Blackhawks from scoring a goal
to stand up and sign to his son, "I love you."
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(Lowkey crying) Man...
Ugh.. Allergies, it's allergies.
Van Damme's charm and charisma got me hook and sinker.
Since Sudden Death can't be discussed without referencing the superior Die Hard,
I mush give credit to its spot-on similarities.
We got law enforcement surrounding the building at night.
A salt of the earth agent/cop, who our hero communicates with.
And a well-dressed bad guy, with a smooth distinct voice.
"So the appropriate action is for you to do nothing and keep your fuckin' mouth shut."
"I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane.
And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite."
Which brings me to Powers f*#kin' Boothe.
This man can play a bad guy like no other.
One, he looks damn spiffy in that tux.
Two, he does not mess around.
Powers Boothe can give a shit less.
I'm not saying that Mayor's wife deserved it, but she definitely wasn't the quiet one in the room.
And Boothe also gets the best dialogue.
"You happen to be wrong, though.
There may be a reason to kill someone else is bound to be a resistance to my objective.
So I can only assure you, that I won't kill any more people,
than it takes to convince everyone of my sincerity.
Will you make that cow stop moaning?"
Yesss. Powers Boothe. A name so iconic and cool,
That if you travel deep into the Black Hills of South Dakota and scream his name
on the right night, his spirit may just respond.
"Cock sucker!"
Listen, I'm not the biggest sports fan.
But having the tense anticipation of the last game of the Stanley Cup
serve as the tense around the out-of-sight hostage standoff works extremely well.
And makes for a great backdrop.
Almost every security guard is a henchman, and even the mascot is a killer.
But I've been touting this shit for 24 years, represent
♪ Tense music ♪ (Brawl)
And the ending may defy the laws of physics.
But I still think that steady crash of the helicopter onto the ice is great.
Not to mention Van Damme blowing up most of the skybox.
Without any thought for the welfare of the hostages!
Act first and think second, Jean-Claude. That's why we love you.
The thing is I grew up on Van Damme's films.
Spent my summers up at Family Video, walking the aisles, taking in the VHS covers.
We're creatures of association.
And Van Damme reminds me of my past.
Playing Sega CD and N64 with my sister.
Watching Timecop and Nowhere to Run.
I'm not pining for the good ol' days, no.
Just acknowledging the simplicity and optimism of youth.
The beauty of the days gone by.
I'm from the generation, that grew up during the home video boom.
And so I was raised on these stories.
I do check in on him from time to time. Make sure he hasn't lost it.
And let me tell you, he has not!
As time moves forward at an accelerated pace, I use Jean-Claude Van Damme as my constant.
My lighthouse, as I sail farther out into the sea of time.
I've continued to rewatch his films throughout the years.
And that dimming light still shines through.
As old man Van said so poetically,
"It keeps me young as I grow old."
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Written, Narrated and Edited by Lance Vlcek
A JoBlo Movie Network Production Copyright 2019
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