Here's one from Glenn. Just from a few weeks ago, he says, "Hi Tripp, I've been enjoying your
podcast. Good to know someone is still talking about this subject when so many channels have
disappeared." Yes, that is true. He says "I'm in a relationship of almost 3 years. We are happy
together and love each other. But I can't help but wonder if I might be missing out on what else is
out there. I had been in this situation before. My girlfriend and I lived together for about a
year and a half. But after a while I started to become unhappy. We went our separate ways
for about four months. And we eventually got back together. Fast forward to the present and we were
happy together. I still find her attractive as ever. And while our relationship isn't perfect,
I would say I'm overall very happy in it. Soon I will move to a new city and she will move with me
if we continue things. But I don't want to repeat what happened last time. I care about her. But
don't know if I'm fully ready to be settled down to just one girl yet. You are the best
person to ask about this, as you must have been in this situation before. How do I..." So here's
his question. He says, "How do I decide whether to continue my relationship with my girlfriend,
or cut it off and go back to meeting new girls, especially since I've already done this once and
ended up getting back with her? Glen." Glen, what a fantastic question. So much to say about this.
Alright, well, there's a few things here. One is the grass is greener concept,
which we'll talk about. Another thing is, you did get back with her, which is interesting.
I say that's interesting, because that does make me feel like maybe there's a potential
of settling here. It's like, why did you guys become unhappy?
Was it because you felt like the grass was greener? What is it?
I'll say this, I do have some personal situations with that. And I've talked about this with so
many people and talked with so many people about relationships and learned about relationships.
First, let's understand this. The grass is always greener. Do you know what that means? Does this
ring a bell for anyone out there? The grass is always greener. That's a saying that means that
sometimes you're in a situation and the situation for this case is a relationship
where you feel like maybe there's something better out there. But I believe it's a syndrome,
the grass is greener syndrome, where no matter what girlfriend you're going to be with,
no matter who you're going to end up with... Let's say you break up with this girl and find
someone new, that you'll think the same thing. If you're thinking this now, just understand,
if you get with another woman, you will think about this again. I'm not saying that all guys
do this. But I am saying if that is you, it won't necessarily stop unless you make it stop.
You have to really be honest with yourself about this woman. Who is this woman?
You find her attractive as ever. That is quoted, that's something that you said,
and you said your relationship is imperfect, but you're overall happy in it. Well,
I don't think any relationship is perfect. I think it's a scale, where it's never going to
be 100% perfect. But also, let's not use that phrase if it's you trying to cover up that
there's maybe things that are important that are not good at it. But let's just say this... Glen,
if your relationship has an extraordinary amount of better days than good,
better days than bad days, you're in a good spot. There's a simple formula there.
Hopefully, it's like 95% of the time you guys spend together things are good. That 5% might be
fights, disagreements, once that starts to become majority of a relationship,
and this is what happens when relationships end, right? A majority of the days are bad. It's like
you're fighting every other day or unhappy every other day. That's very bad. You don't want 50%.
You want to go for like 95%. It sounds like common sense. But I don't think people break it down like
this and this is a good way to look at it. I don't know if that's you, but this is for you to think
about. Is it 95% are you happy on a day to day level? If so, I would say you're in a good place.
Okay, great. You find her attractive, that's super important. Hopefully that is contributing to your
sex life and you guys are having enough sex that's making you happy. And then I would think about...
if you guys, I mean, this goes back to what I was saying about the 95 - 5, but I guess
we can go a little bit deeper into that. It's also about "are you guys buds?" On a day to day
basis, do you enjoy hanging out with her, do you have a few things in common? And by the way guys,
something I've learned that I would love to share with you here because it's something that
I don't think people tell you that much. You don't need to have that much in common with
your girlfriend or your wife or your fiance, whoever it is. You just need a few things.
That's all, because it's going to be, first of all, impossible to find someone that has all the
same things that you're interested in. Now, you might find that in a friend, that's why you're
friends with them, you have a lot of things in common. That's what binds you guys together.
When you're with a woman, that's not the only thing there. There's attraction
and there's all the sex and support and all that stuff. You only need a few things.
One or two things is just fine. It can be whatever you want. It can be live music, it could be food,
it could be you watch a couple of shows together that you both really enjoy. There's topics that
you guys like talking about. There's an activity you guys both like doing. A sport or a hobby,
whatever it may be. You don't need a lot of stuff. For you Glenn, hopefully there's a
few things in there that you find you guys can do together that makes you guys buds.
Because I believe, and what I've seen that's successful
and the things that I've read, is that the best relationships are the ones where you're friends,
but you also want to bang their brains out. Now, there's gonna be days where you're not
feeling like you're friends or you don't want to bang their brains out. But that's life and
that's a relationship and that's what's part of it. But I hope that becomes part of that 5%
category and doesn't enter that 95%. It's like 5% of the time you're like, it's not always gonna be
roses and rainbows, because that's life. There's some things to think about there. You said how do
I decide whether to continue my relationship with my girlfriend or cut it off and go back
to meeting new girls? Well, figure out what that percentage is for you. But if you're saying like,
I might want to go with other women because I want to have sex with other women or I want to
see what else is out there just because you're a man who craves variety, maybe you're not...
I mean, most men crave variety, but maybe for you it's to the point where you are not someone who
can be in a relationship. Maybe relationships aren't for you. But if it's just that,
I don't believe that's a reason to break up if you're looking for a great relationship.
Be honest with yourself. Is she really adding to your life instead of taking away from it?