Holy cow!
Most of the steel used to build modern China
came out of this vast hole in the ground.
But today it would be our racetrack.
-Must be a hill climb, like Goodwood. -Yeah, it is.
-Well, it's not exactly like... -Not exactly, no.
Every single corner has got a drop on it that's... lethal. Oh, hello.
Oh, it's you.
"You will now take it in turns to drive up the hill climb course..."
It is, yeah."..attempting to beat a benchmark time."
Let me guess, the benchmark time is set by The Stig? It isn't The Stig.
But it is The Stig's Australian cousin.
He's bigger than English Stig.
And he's got a bigger... sausage.
-How did you find that out? -Well, look.
Even from here, one can see that he is a...
Big Stig.
Big Stig would be laying down the gauntlet
in a typical Aussie sportscar -
a Holden Ute.
You know that, whatever it's called, Maloo? Yeah.
It's got more horsepower than my BMW. Has it? Two more.
Three, two, one, go!
MUSIC: Beds Are Burning by Midnight Oil
Whoa, that's a spectacular thing to look at.
Oh, no! Oh, he's gone a bit sideways there. What...?
Am I the only one who really likes that Ute? Yes, you are. OK.
And they're ready, steady, and...
across the line.
Gordon Bennett, he was... Oof.
As Big Stig's dust settled, the three of us
made our way to the bottom of the mine.
I'll win this. I seriously doubt that.
Well, I will or he will cos we've got four-wheel drive. It's true.
Four-wheel drive is useful on a tractor but on a normal road car
it's pointless. It's like water. How's it like water?
Cos it's neither good nor bad, it just doesn't do anything.
Water's useful for a lot of things.
It is if you put hops in it, or grapes. But on its own...
When was the last time a rear-wheel drive car
won the World Rally Championship?
Huh! Oh... recently.
Not that recently. In my mind, it was.
It was 1983 and that was yesterday. Correct.
Ever since then it's been four-wheel.
That's a rally stage, isn't it? I shall do this first.
And you will witness poetry. Fire away.
In front of a crowd of bemused miners, I prepared for my run.
Traction control... off.
Three, two, one, go!
It's struggling for traction already!
Second, still spinning the wheels. Third!
Still spinning the wheels.
Maybe I should have kept the traction control on.
Ohhh!
Slithering.
Big slide.
God above.
What if, all of a sudden - twoo! -
and then we just saw the underside of the BMW.
Could check the exhaust is OK.
Come on, Beemer, give me that 575 horsepower!
Four-wheel drive is for the weak.
180kph!
And through the lorries and across the line!
Next, the Bentley.
And the magnificent country residence of the Duke of Marlborough
takes its place on the starting line.
I'm going to bias the suspension slightly towards soft.
I might get more traction that way.
Three, two, one, go!
Grip, grip, grip! Good girl.
After just 100 metres,
the four-wheel drive Bentley was four seconds ahead of the BMW.
Into the hairpin.
Oh, four-wheel drive helping me round that a treat.
HE LAUGHS
Hairpin.
The China and silverware is going to fall over
and make a terrible mess for the butler to clear up later.
Right, braking, ready for the... Oh, God, turn here...
Come on, bite! There you go.
HE LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY
Right, viewers, now we're alone,
look, that car should be the fastest up that course
but with the best will in the world, I'm not going to be,
so I've got a plan.
English Stig. I've been carrying him around for days.
With English Stig smuggled into the driving seat,
the GT-R readied for the off.
Here he is, look. "Hello."
Three, two, one, go!
That's quite a vigorous start. Hello!
That was a racing line, there.
-Did you see? -Yeah.
None of what I'm seeing...
-Makes sense? -...is possible.
-Oh, my God. -He's twitching. He's actually...
Where's he going?
He forgot where the end... Well, he did something James May-ish.
Thanks very much.
Here he is.
That was very quick. Yeah. It was vigorous. Four-wheel drive.
It's a good car. It flatters. I'm not saying it, but...
You're right to say it. I wasn't that confident,
but it does look after you all the way. We have the times here anyway.
The Australian Stig in the HSV Maloo did a 1:17.8.
I was a little bit slower, as it's turned out. Really? Go on.
He was 1:17.8.
I was 1:31.6.
That is slower, isn't it?
Bentley... 1:18.6.
Oh, that's not bad. That's pretty good.
I'm pleased with that.
You were really... You were only a second off.
I was on it on the old Bentley.
GT-R. 1:13.3.
Four and a half seconds faster than a Stig.
-Well done, you. -Thank you.