So a few months ago, I was celebrating
a friend's birthday at one of her favorite dive bars
where you walk in through a fridge.
There's nothing cooler! Hahaha!
Get it? Haha! There's nothing cooler than walking into the fridge.
Going to get some drinks!
And I was standing in line, waiting to buy her a drink
just answering work emails, when this guy said:
Hi there! Traveling from Australia.
What are you doing here?
Oh hi! Cool. I'm here for a friend's birthday.
Nice, birthdays. I'm an engineer. What do you do?
Well it's L.A. so I'm an actress and comedian.
Comedian! That's funny. Tell me something funny.
Ah, well I don't ask you to engineer on your off-time.
So...
That's funny.
Freeze frame on this gross invasion of personal space.
Now at this point, you know, my natural inclination
was to tell him that I had a boyfriend.
Because guys at bars don't normally talk to you
or touch you unless they're trying to hit on you.
But then I was wondering, do I really need to be
someone else's property for you to respect me?
So what's your name?
Uh, Anna.
Oh, I love that name. Hanna.
Uh, no it's Anna.
Oh, I'm sorry. Anna.
Then he did it again.
Now at this point I knew that I wanted to tell him to stop
but I thought of all the different ways that I could approach it.
Right? I could be nice.
You seem like a fine, decent person, but that makes me
feel really uncomfortable so please stop touching me.
I could be mean.
Get the fuck off me you strange man!
Stranger Danger! Stranger--
I could speak for women everywhere.
I know you and other men are going to hide behind
the excuse of "Oh what? We can't talk to people anymore?"
"Conversation starters are evil now? What a bitch!"
But you know what? If your only intent is to get into my pants
then fuck you. Because if I were a dude, you wouldn't look at me twice
and you wouldn't demand that I pay attention to you
and you wouldn't put your clammy hands all over me
without my permission. I am a human being.
Not a piece of meat for you to conquer
while you're traveling abroad you selfish Australian bastard.
Or I could just speak for myself.
Dislike. Block.
Instead, I did nothing because my drink ready
and I grabbed it and I escaped the situation.
But not before he touched me one more time.
And look, I know not all guys are like this, okay?
I've had plenty of conversations with dudes are parties
or at bars where they're just looking to have a good time
and not be creepy and weird.
And I know that this kind of creepy stuff happens to guys too.
Like once in a meeting, my boyfriend was very clearly
and uncomfortably hit on by a producer.
You know, I've been a big producer in Hollywood for a very long time now
and I notice a star as soon as I seen one.
I don't know why you're hanging around with her haha!
You can do everything yourself. You don't need her.
I've known many a stars in my life
and they all did whatever they needed to do
in order to get to where they are--I'm talking
A-list, B-list, C-list, all the lists, you name it, they're on it.
It just takes one little act of charity.
But this kind of entitlement,
where someon feels like they're owed your body
or your attention or your time, happens all too often.
And I don't know what the best way to react is.
You know? Like how do you turn someone down?
What's the best way to clarify that you're not interested?
Because sometimes a person says:
Hey, you want to get coffee sometime?
And you want to be 100% clear and say:
Yeah sure! I'd love to catch up as friends.
But their response will be:
Fuck you! Why would you think I want to be more
than friends with you? You're fat, and ugly and dumb
and you hurt my ego because you rejected me
and that is an idea that's foreign to me!
This is a very weird and complex issue which I don't feel
like I can accurately distill down to a few minutes.
Especially because it's something that I'm still going through myself.
But if you have any experience with this or any advice,
please let me know.
Because the next time someone feels entitled to my body
I just might react like this:
I'm Anna Akana. Stay awesome Gotham.
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