I’ve never seen him before, he looks a bit like a zombie.
Yeah, now that you put it like that.
Man, he look a bit... He said something really rude.
Kane, Kane, stand back.
Within six months,
I reckon the majority of the people in the UK will be dead.
Yeah, six months.
-Kane, shall I do it? -Do it. In the **** head.
Go on, **** him up!
Straight in his head.
Do you think the world will end soon?
I’d say the apocalypse is here already.
Nowadays, literally every other ****’s got a nuclear missile.
And there’s not really anything we can do about it because
you try and take it off them, they’ll just blow you up.
Is it you versus your wife? Or are you going to stick together?
Oh, we’ll stick together.
If it was me, it’s every man for themselves.
Mum, sister, everyone’s getting it.
Maybe there’s just like a massive orgy when the world’s ending,
like everyone, just bare people.
I mean, I wouldn’t judge. It’s the end of the world, so go for it.
Listen, you just got put two and two together to know that
the world is **** and is soon coming to an end.
So I’m out here in the Yorkshire Dales
to meet a brother called Tom Lindon,
-Oh, hello. -who is the UK’s premier prepper.
I’m prepping for a breakdown of society:
civil unrest, Brexit, riots, electromagnetic pulse.
What is the worst case scenario?
It’s got to be nuclear, hasn’t it? Or chemical or biological.
-You’re not paranoid, though? -No.
[Why Should I Give a **** About...]
[The End of the World]
If you get into trouble with be it DAESH or the USA,
or even North Korea,
no one’s going to do nothing to North Yorkshire.
-Prepare. -Yeah.
Yeah, because failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
That’s true, actually.
It’s like a real game of
Because on
and it's the last man standing.
That is really what it’s going to come down to.
This is all going to be one battle royale,
you know what I’m saying?
We live in a society where we push buttons, flick switches,
we expect the tap to have water in it.
I challenge you to drink that dirty water, that river in flood,
out of this bottle.
There’s not enough money on this planet
that you can pay me to drink out of this river right now.
-And why’s that? -Look, it’s filthy.
-Right. OK. -Disgusting.
Well, in a real emergency, you may have to drink from it.
-It’s possible. -This will take all the nasties out
of any water you drink, from any water source.
**** hell. In the city, I could just loot some water.
When would you wake up and say, “You know what? We’re ****.
I’m going to start surviving today?”
Has it ever come close for you?
It's come close many times.
-Really? -Particularly nuclear-wise, yeah.
We’ve slipped back into the 60s, the Cold War,
and now we’re back in an arms race.
-You serious? -Yes.
We’re ****.
We’re here at some market trade fair literally in the middle of nowhere,
where they’re selling knives and portions of chips.
There are hundreds and hundreds of survivalists and preppers.
And my main guy, Tom, is here as well.
There seems to be a lot of knives today.
There... there are.
In London, they’re trying to get knives off the streets,
but here it seems like they’re trying to get them back on.
It’s not with the knife, the knife is a tool.
They’re quite expensive, aren’t they?
Well... yes.
You don’t have TV, you don’t use the Internet, nothing like that?
No, no.
So if the world was ending,
you’d probably be the last person to know.
Yeah.
So if people were to come here and just think,
“Oh, it’s just a bunch of lunatics.”
No, prepping is for normal people.
I can teach you how to use a tomahawk.
They’re very good for pulling shields out of the way,
and then ripping through the neck.
Straight in his head.
When you let go, your arm wants to be straight.
Excellent, man!
Well done, the man’s a genius!
It’s just a macho exercise. They’re just weird people.
Arseholes, really.
Children who have knives, who buy knives,
have to go through a knife safety test before they allowed to buy one.
If they abuse that privilege, the knife is thrown in the lake.
What if it stabs a fish, if you lot throw it in the lake?
-Well, that’s the fish’s problem. -Yeah.
On our website as well,
it’s impossible to buy a knife without putting your age in.
-So that’s very, very-- -Can I just type in, like, 18?
Er, no, no, you can’t.
You have to put your birthday in.
Ahh, but what if it was fake?
-Well, it checks it out. -OK.
It’s just a Boy Scout thing, that’s what it is.
It’s just another way to get a hard-on, you know?
You know, it’s...
What are we doing next?
I'll show you how to light a fire.
Now, the easy way... with cotton wool and Vaseline.
I use a lot of Vaseline.
How much?
Ooh, quite a lot.
-Yeah? You a big boy? -I put it on, I put it on...
I would put it on my blade.
Ooh, how long’s your blade?
Oh, that one’s, over there, five inches.
They used to rub oil onto in the olden days, didn’t they?
Well, if you had oil, you would.
But this is a magnesium rod.
-Oh, I know what these are. -Go on then, what’s that?
-Er, magnesium rod. -Yes.
Run the blade up and down quickly on the corner.
-Any filings coming off? -Yeah.
Good.
-There you go. -Oh, **** then.
All you’ve now got to learn to do is build a small fire.
Now, that is an axe. And you want to chop like a V-shape out of the wood.
One of the things they’re talking about with Brexit
is putting the army on the streets, calling it martial law,
and having curfews.
And it could well be that a foreign army arrives in the UK.
People know your name round here.
They know that you’re the survivalist,
they know that you’re the one who’s prepped.
So there’s a hundred odd people walking around,
wandering around thinking, “I ain’t got nothing.”
They’re going to come to you and try and take the stuff out of your bag.
-That’s right. -You going to defend yourself?
Yep.
I think we should do some role-play.
Bonjour!
Je m’appelle French soldier.
What do you want, mate?
I know you’re the guy with tools and food.
I want everything you **** got.
You’re not getting it, mate. Go away.
-I’m warning you-- -You got one last chance.
I want everything you’ve **** got.
You want it, Froggy? Come here.
Yeah.
Go on, go home.
Take your croissants with you.
Bloody French, I hate them.
Wow, that’s scary.
Been on the planet for 19 years...
and not once did I think about tomorrow.
I’ve woken up now.
When I get home, first thing I’m going to do is
make sure I’ll do all this stuff.
Stack up on all my, you know, tins of beans and stuff.
You’ve made a new man out of me.
Cheers to the end of the world.
-Yes to you, good sir. -Cheers.
And yes, you are welcome home for tea any time you want.
That’s correct. Who, me?
-Mmm. -Ah, means a lot.
So we’re not going to fight each other?
-No. -Alright, good.
-But everyone else? -Everyone else.
If you had to drink your own piss in order to survive,
would you do that?
-In order to live? -Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I would.
You’re here now in central London. Five minutes, what you going to do?
Go for a pint.
That’s it. That’s it.
-Bash the zombie dead. -Bash the zombie.
You ****.
Yeah, man. So I gave her my number, but she wouldn’t call me back.
Well...
-her loss, man. -Yeah, her loss. Definitely.
Hold on, who’s my man?
**** him up.
He’s not **** dead, kill him.