Hey everybody. A little while ago I got a letter from one of you wonderful viewers whom
I cherish. I wasn't able to stop thinking about it. That to me says well let's talk
about it.
I'm not going to post any direct excerpts from that letter sent to me because I want
to protect and respect that person's anonymity and privacy and also respect and protect the
trust given to me by virtue of them sharing it with me. In a nutshell what happened to
this person and I have a feeling has happened to a lot of other persons was a situation
involving someone this person knew, mix in alcohol and drugs, sex consensual up until
a point and then it is not anymore. This person put up resistance not in the form of directly
saying no but trying to communicate in other kinds of body language and it continued. The
next morning this person woke up with a hazy idea of what had happened but a very clear
feeling and gut instinct that something had gone wrong, that something had been violated.
This person has carried this around for years. A lot of times I think there is this question
going on and on and on in the brain of well was it, was it really rape? Can I call it
sexual assault? Does that make my friend a rapist? We compartmentalize it as small as
we can and we put it away, not only because of the implications of what that means for
us but also the implications of what that means for the other person. When it comes
to that question of was it rape, I can tell you what the legal definitions of rape and
sexual assault are. I can also tell you that those legal definitions will change in the
United States depending on what state you're in. But to hopefully add a little more nuance
to those definitions and stats and facts, I do want to offer things that don't disqualify
double negative alert, people or situations from being rape or sexual assault. When it
comes to the question of was it rape, the answer may be yes even if you know the person.
Even if you were both drunk and/or otherwise intoxicated. Even if you never said no. Even
if it started off consensual. Even if you felt personally guilty afterwards. Even if
you never contacted the police. Even if you've never been able to bring yourself to call
it rape or sexual assault because it just feels too ugly or too traumatic or too hurtful.
Even if something happened and you aren't entirely sure what it was but you have that
gut feeling that it was not right, that a violation occurred, trust that instinct. It
doesn't matter if it happened 20 minutes ago or 20 years ago there is no statute of limitations
for personal healing that can take place by first reaching out to those resources available,
whether it's someone with your school's counseling center or reaching out to a local rape crisis
center or calling a rape crisis hotline, having someone you can talk to to finally answer
that question that goes on and on and on and on in your brain of was it rape? Was it rape?
Am I just making all of this up? From there, speaking of legalities, who can help you to
decide if and whether that is a path that you want to pursue and that my friends, in
terms of reporting things to the police and pursuing that, that is up to you. I simply
want to encourage you to take advantage of the resources that are available and that
you need to do it. What I'm most concerned about, right now where I'm sitting, is you.
And the people that I hear from who carry these questions around in their brain for
years and even carrying it around an hour or a day is too long. If the main thing that's
holding you back is fear that someone won't believe you, here's one person. I believe
you. I also want to note too that everything that I'm saying can also be applied to someone
who might wake up and wonder if they just perpetrated rape or sexual assault. This is
not a one-sided conversation. There are lots of links posted in the video description below
if you want to learn more and also find more information on locating your local rape crisis
center. Friends who know of international rape crisis hotlines and centers and great
websites for that, please post in the comments below. All this week on the show I am going
to be talking about sexual assault types of issues because April is sexual assault awareness
month. And I also want to hear from you. Any experience or insight that you are willing
to share please, please, please, post them in the comments below and as always ask me
your questions so I can give you some answers.