-As a professional psychologist I can tell you that successful
positive parenting is built upon a sturdy family culture.
Vicki and I are coming together today to share this with you because there's an art to this.
-So, that stands for attitudes routines and traditions. -Alright, a little self-disclosure to start with.
We sometimes watch television programs that people might find weird. There's one that we've watched
called my 600-pound life some of you have probably seen this. But the thing that strikes me about this
and it's about people who are so overweight that their health is threatened. They're probably going
to die from this condition and they go through and follow these people in this show. Well, they
can't even get their life-saving surgeries until they can establish that they are willing to change
their lifestyle. Yeah, it's not a quick fix they have to change a lot of things about the way
they think. The way they interact the way they live their everyday life and it's their attitude really
it's their attitude about living and about the way that they conduct themselves each
day that has to change. -So, bringing this idea of attitude and mindset back to our family culture.
This is what sets the tone for everything else for the discipline for the communication
for all of the relationships. Attitude sets the tone. We've done this intentionally in
our family. Do you remember our family mantra? How we set that up? -Joy of the journey force for good
bless a life today -And usually when we did it as a cheer it would come with "Ah" at the
end afterwards. Just, thank you. -But it's a choice of what attitude do you want to kind of permeate your
home and your family culture and we wanted one of enjoying life to living the life being present in
the life that we're leading no matter what stage it was at. You know, we've been through every stage
you start out. You know you have very little. You've got little kids. You're sleep deprived. You've got
teenagers. It's the every stage there's every financial stage too and so you're going to have an
attitude. We had chosen for our family we wanted an attitude of being present and enjoying the
journey and being somehow being a force for good no matter what we're doing. -That productivity and
positivity and because we were intentional about that there were other things that we naturally
did to support that. I remember that there was a saying that was posted up above our television
that said, "In all of living have much fun and enjoyment", life is to be enjoyed not just
endured, right. Something like that, I don't know. Something like that. -Correct. Not exactly, but close.
-But this is what creates the tone and sets the stage. Attitude is everything
and just another little thought about attitude which I've shared before here on the channel.
Our son is a pilot our second son flies airplanes and this attitude is an aviation term. It has to do
with the position of the aircraft relative to the ground or the horizon and the attitude is
what determines where you're going. It doesn't tell you where you are. But can you see that a
nose-up attitude is going to give you altitude. A nose-down attitude is heading into the hard stuff.
That's true at home. -Right. -So check your attitude and let's be intentional about creating
a solid stable family culture based on a positive attitude. We'll get right back to that content.
Think of another family who could really benefit from learning about this family culture
share the video with them. -Okay, going back to the art of this parenting skill we're going
to talk about routines they are. Routines are so important to establish to help kids feel secure
and to know what's coming. They really... like that feeling of knowing what to expect. Routines
also help you as the parents so that you can be consistent and this really helps in disciplining.
I swear the hardest part of parenting you come up with these really great ideas and then it's the
follow-through. That is so hard in parenting I feel like and so having really set some intentional
routines helps you become more consistent and help with the discipline. -We've sometimes mentioned
in talking about discipline the importance of consistency and I'm glad that you mentioned that.
It's kind of like the difference between a slot machine and a vending machine. Where a slot machine
is not consistent and people will play that all day long with sometimes a reward and sometimes not.
But a vending machine you expect that consistency and in terms of behavioral psychology that
consistency is what is going to make all the difference in the training of these young minds.
Just remember that and you don't have to know a lot about behavioral psychology
to appreciate the importance of the consistency. Ii just want you to know that there's
strong scientifically based reasons to do this. -And it's not really just for the outcome that
you're trying to get but really children do need that consistency it gives them security.
-Right, here's the child psychology piece. These little kids let's take a five-year-old for example
and this five-year-old's thinking, "Man, this is a big scary world out here. I wonder if i'm safe",
and they're going to look where? To their parents. They want to see that their parents are strong
enough and stable enough and consistent enough to keep them safe in a world where they don't really
feel safe. Which is also why they'll push your buttons sometimes they want to test that.
-So besides just the discipline there are other wonderful routines we can set into place like
family meals or family time. Some people just set aside a certain amount of time every
week to play games together or there's family councils when you get together and you discuss
the important issues that are going on the schedules of the family so that you can kind of be
on the same page. -Now, remember the word that Vicki presented at the beginning, routines. It doesn't
mean that we just do it here and there once in a while whenever we feel like it. We set up some kind
of a schedule a routine and that's what turns us into a vending machine rather than a slot machine.
That's what gives our kids that feeling of security and safety. You mentioned the family
meals the family council meetings that you hold. All of those things become something that is
absolutely predictable in your child's mind. Now, disclaimer you're not going to do this perfectly.
Okay, so no beating yourself up because, "Oh, I'm not doing that very well", just look at what you
could do to make some slight improvements here and there it's a process not an event. I think we could
say that about olive parenting. -Yes, definitely. -Let's come back to our original idea also about
establishing this sturdy family culture. You can see that the predictability is what is going
to put the structure around this culture that you're creating in your family and in your home
and we've mentioned a few things you know kind of the lofty things of family council meetings
and family meals together but it includes some other really proud. -Even really practical like
the chores because really you know your family culture is we're hard workers. We want to be
productive we want to give to society service. Might be one of your routines is that you do
some type of service. -The responsibilities the work it that's all part of establishing that
same culture. The T in the art of establishing a family culture stands for tradition. You might be
thinking right out of the shoot okay how are traditions and routines different? Traditions
differ from routines it has more of a cultural feel to it. Which is why we've got to include
this in building our sturdy family culture. When two people come together to form a family
they are merging two different family experiences. Sometimes two different cultures or ethnicities or
religions or whatever they're coming in. -And it's through traditions that we kind of merge those but
also create a new one. Which is really kind of the beautiful part of it, right? -One that didn't even
exist before because of the merging we're creating something that is completely unprecedented.
-And I've even found in our family that sometimes we start something and it ends up meaning so
much to the children that we kind of realize that we've just kind of given birth to a new tradition
and we keep it going because of what it means. So I think there's a lot of meaning behind traditions
it also is a time for remembering things that have happened in the past remembering
people honoring our loved ones. I think there's a lot of remembering and honoring
built into the legacy of traditions. It's a sense of who we are it gives us our family identity
and I can see that some routines might become traditions. But we're talking about the things
like you said Vicki. I like the way you said that it's things that have greater meaning or purpose
that honors our legacy and our heritage and that's what makes it more of a tradition. So we're looking
at holidays and observances and how we think about and honor our extended family or our culture our
background. That's really what we're talking about when it comes to traditions and I think that's
an important part of establishing a sturdy family culture. There's a lot to this we realize that and
we're not going to leave you hanging. In fact, cue up that next video the power of positive parenting
is something that you're already connected to. That next video will help you to take the next steps.