Help!
I'm in a low-sex or no-sex marriage.
Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson.
Thank you so much for joining me once again.
If you are a regular viewer of Little Lessons, you know that for the last nine episodes,
we've been looking at the topic of human sexuality, particularly immorality, sexual desire, lust,
and I've really been addressing the kind of sexual struggles that, generally speaking,
single people face.
And I did my very best, and I'm going to go back and actually look at all the comments
and read the questions that were posed and do my best to try to address some of those
things, but thanks for all the encouragement.
In this Little Lesson and probably a few subsequent ones, one thing that single people are going
to learn is that, even though that marriage is the biblical solution to sexual frustration,
and we cited those scriptures that say that, all sexual frustration isn't automatically
fixed by marriage, as many married people will testify, because you put males and females
together in marriage, and they think different and they are different, and it takes some
intentionality for each sex to begin to figure out the opposite sex when it comes to things
sexual, all right?
So we shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to talk about these things, you know?
Let's just all admit it right from the start that all of us claim to be believers in a
book that is the foundation to everything we believe about spirituality and our life
with God, and that book, in the opening chapters, starts with the story of two unashamed nudists,
right?
And there's a lot of other juicy stuff in there, but God is the one who thought up of
the idea of male and female, He's the one that put the hormones in our bodies, He's
the one that put the nerves where he put the nerves, He's the one that ... it was His idea
for the parts and so forth.
So come on, let's just be mature enough to say it's okay for us to discuss this, and
these are not forbidden, taboo subjects for Christians.
Maybe one of the reasons why we've had so much interest is because sometimes these are
treated like taboo subjects, so we're not going to do that here on Little Lessons, obviously.
All right, so an epidemic problem is the one that I just posed at this beginning of this
episode.
Folks, by the droves, complain.
And I know this from my own research, but I know this from being a pastor for a couple
decades, that one or the other person in a marriage feels like, "Man, I'm not getting
enough sexual satisfaction here, and I ..." Of course, men are more likely than women, it
seems.
Men are more desirous to have sex more often than their wives, although the reverse has
been proven to be the case at times, okay?
So it's not just unique to men.
So what's the solution to the low-sex or the no-sex marriage?
Well, the first thing is just to acknowledge, from a biblical standpoint, that that's not
God's will.
That's not God's will at all, and so we're going to separate it from just being our own
frustration of our own desires are not being fulfilled sufficiently, but first of all ... and
I'm not factoring that out entirely, okay?
But I'm saying let's frame it, first of all, within biblical revelation.
We've already read the scripture in First Corinthians Chapter 7, Verse Number Five.
I'm going to read off my little cheat sheet here.
Paul says, "Stop depriving one another," talking to husbands and wives, "except by agreement
for a time," so he's not saying that anyone should ever agree to a sexless marriage.
You can agree to a sexless marriage temporarily.
That's the only thing, and both have to be agreeing over that so that you ... Why?
So that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Well, that's a whole nother subject in itself, that people would actually forego sex ... which,
how often does that happen? ... in order to spend more time in prayer.
That's obviously a commentary on the importance of prayer.
But then he goes ... we're pushing that aside ... but "come together again," that is, you've
agreed temporarily to abstain from sex, talking to married couples here now, "come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
So a lot of layers of revelation there, but the one that supersedes all the rest, that
comes through so loud and clear is that a permanently sexless marriage is not God's
will.
And we can also add to that a low-sex marriage, the intermittent thing that one partner is
very frustrated and feeling themselves tempted by Satan because of their lack of self-control.
That's where you know that we're not in God's will, because I'm unsatisfied, and so that
gives Satan a little potential inroad there into my life because he knows I'm frustrated
I've got a low-sex marriage.
Okay, so we're facing up to this, okay, pushing selfish desires aside, pushing any other factors
aside, just first of all focusing on the fact that God's will is continual sexual relationship
in marriage.
And someone will inevitably ask, "Well, how old do you have to get before you don't want
it any longer?"
Well, you're asking the wrong person here.
I'm telling you right now, you're asking the wrong person.
Long after the age of being able to procreate and conceive children, sex is still something
that God gives to married couples as a gift to glue them together and to enhance their
relationship and their love.
Now, there's lots of nuances, of course, in all of this, which we'll talk about in our
subsequent Little Lessons.
I guess this is going to go on into Part Two, and the way it's going, maybe into Part Three,
okay?
So all I wanted ... the takeaway from this Little Lesson is we're acknowledging that
sexless and low-sex, no-sex marriage is not God's will.
And you could say it's not God's best, but that's actually lesser than the truth.
It's simply not God's will.
Well, you're saying, "Oh, hooray, hooray!
I hope my wife will watch this video."
Okay, well, maybe she will.
Or maybe you're saying, "Oh, I don't like this message.
This is not good news for me, because I don't want any more than what we've already got,"
and I think wives are more typical to say that than men.
Well, I'm going to address all of that and hopefully provide some helpful solutions here
the best I can.
All right, thank you so much for joining me.
Hope to see you on our next Little Lesson.
God bless you.