(light music)
- [Narrator] Hi, Psych2Goers.
And welcome back to another video.
Thank you so much for all the love
and support you've given us.
Here at Psych2Go,
our mission is to make content
on mental health and self-help
more accessible to everyone.
Now let's continue.
Have you ever heard of the term trauma bond?
According to Dr. Patrick Carnes,
a trauma bond is defined as
"dysfunctional attachments that occur
"in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation."
This is the most common
in narcissistic relationships.
Remember, though, while it is common,
these relationships do not have to be romantic.
With that being said,
here are six signs of a trauma bond.
One, your relationship is unpredictable.
Do you feel yourself
constantly walking on eggshells?
Are you scared to interact with them
because you don't know how you'll be treated?
This may indicate a trauma bond.
One of the difficult aspects of a trauma bond
is that their attitude towards you
can change on a daily basis.
This can make it seem
like the abuse is triggered by a bad day
or by something you did.
The thing to pay attention to here
is repeated cycles of abuse.
While everyone is certainly
allowed to have bad days,
it is dangerous to use them
to excuse abusive behavior.
The unpredictability is a sign of a trauma bond
because the good days can be rewarding
and strengthen the affection
you feel towards them.
Two, they constantly betray you,
but you still give them another chance.
Do you often repeatedly betray yourself
to get love and approval from someone?
Do they regain trust in you
either by excuses, explanations and apologies,
even though they've broken
their promises so many times?
If so, this could be evidence of a trauma bond
and this can leave you feeling
worthless, helpless, stressed, anxious, and more.
The reason betrayals can impact you so much
is because they are most often
by people you trust and love.
To want to trust them,
give them chances
and continue loving them is understandable.
But when the trust becomes blind and destructive,
the relationship is no longer healthy.
Three, you feel responsible for their happiness.
Are you willing to sacrifice anything
to make your relationship work?
Do you squash your own will and desire
just to keep them satisfied?
You work so hard to find a reason to stay
to the point where your sense of self
may go out the window.
If you can relate to this,
have you ever wondered why you may do so?
Well, the cycles of abuse in trauma bonding
also include reoccurring periods of reward.
You hold onto the good times of the relationship
in order to justify your relationship.
As a result, you lose yourself
trying to please them
in order to extend this pleasant period
as much as you can.
You may forgo your own values
or avoid speaking your mind.
You prioritize their needs over everything
to a point a feeling burnt out.
Four, your relationship is complex
and involves false promises.
"I promise things will change"
or, "This will never happen again."
Do these statements sound familiar?
False promises often strengthen a trauma bond.
In fact, they're so powerful
that they convince you to stay
by creating a feeling of hope to cling to.
If you are in a trauma bond,
you are inclined to believe these words
because ultimately you are emotionally
attached to the other person.
Your belief in them
comes from a place of hope and desperation,
even if logic tells you
that you will just be left hurting again.
Five, you defend your relationship
even though it's abusive.
Is it difficult for you to acknowledge
the toxicity in your relationship
that others are trying to show you?
Do you think others just
don't understand your relationship?
When you're in a trauma bond,
it's common to deny the facts
that your situation is abusive and traumatic.
Think of it as a defense mechanism.
You feel so tied down to your relationship,
you're unable to leave it
or you keep going back to the same person.
It can be shameful to accept the fact
that you are putting yourself
in a destructive situation,
so you may turn to denial.
In other words,
this acceptance may bring about
feelings of inadequacy or weakness.
Six, the sense of familiarity
makes it impossible to leave the relationship.
"Why don't you just leave?"
This is a complex question
for someone in a trauma bond to answer
and there are multiple reasons why.
A sign of a trauma bond
is missing this person incessantly,
almost like an addiction.
Even after trying to break it off,
you may miss having the other person
in your life so much
that it can impact you emotionally and physically.
In order to avoid this debilitating feeling,
you may feel like you have
no choice but to stay.
It might also be hard for you to leave
because it is hard for you
to recognize your own situation.
The combination of emotional attachment,
blind trust, manipulation, and denial
can make you unaware of how
destructive your situation really is.
Making the prospect of leaving
feel wrong or unnecessary.
If you know someone in a trauma bond,
it is important to remain
empathetic and understanding
because the fact that they don't see what you do
is absolutely not their fault.
If you find yourself in such a situation,
know that you are not alone
and that there are resources to help you heal.
Were you able to gain some insight
on ways to recognize a trauma bond?
Do you relate to any of these?
Have you seen such examples in your surroundings?
Do share your thoughts in the comments below.
Also, remember to like and share this video
with those you think might benefit from it.
Subscribe to Psych2Go for more videos.
Thanks for watching
and we'll see you in our next video.