We had there's one thing in my marriage I couldn't get over
I didn't know why I couldn't get over it, but we would just like be bickering
Like and I couldn't get it. She be like, all right, we going to the store turn left. I'm like Tom grown
grown man turn left
Didn't lost your mind turn left, right?
And so we get me to it on that stuff so I started taking notes and I realized we are always fighting
When it comes to control
And I did my homework and I realized after doing the assessment pair dollars together
We had our coach run some stuff down. I
Realized that my wife and then we took the values and then the attributes afterwards. So three tests
so when we took their values that was the game changer, I saw the
9999 but the values taught me that the reason why she
executes is
Because she wants to get things done
I'm sorry. You got to hear me guys, please. I'm gonna go slow
The reason why she's a control freak
Is
Because she values the mortgage getting paid
The student loans getting paid the house getting paid off. We don't have any debt
She values getting things done to protect her family
So when I saw the values I was like yo we both could we both want to be in control but her control
Is
based on something substantive
Gotta hear what I'm saying her controlling own feelings
Her control is on taking care of the family get to the next level
I want to be in control because I left home at 16. I
start running away probably about 13 at
$16 like y'all, I'm just gonna be real like I can't deal with this and
What I realized looking back. I'm so hot y'all that stuff is good. This stuff is important right? I'm so high with this
That I work better with people who are 99 99 I work best with flamingos
That's why me and Nikki. Nikki high phlegmy go. So when I talk to certain people they're like, I don't understand that
I'm like I got stopped talking to y'all
Because what I used to do because I love people was
Compromised and try to say it in the way they can understand it and they'd like you're going too slow
I mean, you're going too fast. Slow it down for them like yo, we can't run together
You run in a marathon i'm running a sprint. I can't work with you no more
I got to work with people who understand me and then once we get the vision out
Whatever, so I left home at a very young age because I was like y'all frill. I'm just not feeling this
I'm not feeling like a curfew. I'm not feeling this
I'm not ain't nobody on the block. Got it. I'm not feeling this. I'm not feeling whippings. I'm getting from me
I'm getting whippings bruh as a teenager
We moved to the suburbs
as
School kids like you still getting weapons in the suburbs. They wouldn't get weapons like that. And I was like, yo, I'm getting weapons
Like my boys was like you still letting him put ain't even your real father. You let my man put his hands on you and
So at 16, I was like yo, I gotta go I gotta I gotta live life on my own terms
Bottom line. I was homeless I'd be laughing at kids
They like I can't take this no more and they parents calling me like Eric
Let's do some hit my baby on the floor. Like I can't take my father no more
I'm like, it must be like because you still a degree I
Couldn't and I left so you Bluff shit. Alright ma'am, don't pay me no more he bluffing he still is he career I
Left I was like I got to be in control of my life and I wasn't mad at nobody
I'm not mad at nobody now. It's just I feel like I got to be in control
If I if something go wrong, I want to go wrong on my dime not yours I
Don't want to play by your rules. I won't play by my rules
But when I looked at my wife's control in my control, my control was more fear-based
My control was more feelings. I'm caught up in my feeling my wife's don't had nothing to do with it
So me and my wife came to a truce and I was like, you know what we are
Yeah, you need to be in control. I
Apologize all this fussing I've been doing I didn't know why I was doing it
But I felt like he was coming up against my control and she's like sometimes you want me to be your mom
Sometimes don't like I'll never want you to be my mom
She's like, yes, you do you go to paperwork. You told me to put the paperwork up
You want me to be your mama, but it's like selective
So we came to a truce and I was like, you know what when it comes to these matters just take control
Take control cuz you do one that can really do it. You better at it to me you 9999 take control
Go forward
And let me tell you something what I love about my wife though. My wife was like, you know what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna take control on the important stuff
And now I'm gonna let you get lost when you lost language say no
I'll go pastor. You know what you see over turn left
I'll go past that cuz I'm thinking something else and I'm like, I forgot she like
Anything I didn't want to ruin the whole day telling you to turn left now you got a attitude
Right so man respect for it. Oh because she like I'm going to control on the major stuff
I don't care how you feel about it. I'm gonna take over cuz we got a family. I'm looking out for my family
I'm telling y'all
I'm aware now awareness is 50% I know some of y'all younger than me
But those of you my age they say knowing is half the battle GI Joe
Knowing is half the battle half the battle. I saw my wife 99. I'm getting to it my son
I'm looking at my son my son high phlegmy go as well as hiking rila
I'm looking at my son and I'm sending my son. Oh, I get it. I'm on my bed about what he shouldn't do
But as a flamingo he need to be affirmed
And I'm from the old school. Don't nobody affirm you for doing what you're supposed to be doing the old school
like don't you don't know bite you don't get
Nobody's gonna reward you for being a fish that swims
But my son's
assessment says if
you're gonna be on my butt about what I don't do his assessment says when I do what I'm supposed to do I need is
Just much energy as you get and I wasn't doing that
Thus the tension I
Was too in my man's business like okay, you need to take this degree. Can you do this? Can you do that?
I want you to make the mistakes that I made and his test was like yo
You gotta pull it back off. My man. My man. He's the type of child that he got to touch the fire
But once he get burned at one time
It's a wrap
He's not gonna make the same mistake twice
But I was trying to stop him from making the first one and God said no
He got a burn cuz all the lessons is in the burn
You could protect him from the burn but then he ain't gonna know nothing
But once he get burned now, he got his own experiences and he could tell his own story. So let him get burned
He ain't gonna die
He's just gonna get burned
He'll still be able to use his head and so on some of you and your relationship
You're not aware what your spouse says come to find out. My daughter was a high seed
And I'm very sponte. Hey, baby, girl, we're going on top. We're doing this
We doing that and my daughter I'm like, whoa
I realized why now she would pull back from because she like y'all you too spontaneous for me
Like you don't think stuff through you just careless you reckless
once I found out what she was I was like oh
Okay, you got to give her a week or two
Okay, she ain't got a whole lot of flamingos which means the the eye it shows what how much emotion or
How you express your emotion? So people who have low eyes it don't mean they don't love but they don't express their emotions like that
And so when my daughter wasn't expressing our emotions, I'm thinking you know
I'm gonna flemyng go what's going on Shane speaking this morning my son to get out what I'm damn like what up?
My daughter she's stayin the rule people come visit. She won't even come out
I'm like what's wrong with her nothin wrong with her. She doesn't prefer to interact with people
So once I found out I was aware that she's not comfortable it's like you got to give her her space
It don't mean she don't love you
It don't mean my wife like Oh her I she like 9999 or her I like 17 and 10
And I remember we should get into a Glen cuz I would go to the events and everybody want to see my wife
And they would never meet her and it's like are you really mad?
Do you really have a good relationship and I'd be like Dede
The people want to but then when I saw the test I was like you trying to make her do something. That's not her preference
She don't want to meet the people
She wants you to hurry up with the people and then you and the family spend time together
She's not interested in meeting the people don't mean she don't like the people she gonna make me do what I got to do
So I can give you what you need
But she don't like interacting with people and when she does it she just has to warm up
but once you get to know her she's
Good people once you get to know her
But before she don't know you it's like I'm like meet my she's like so now I just tell everybody like bro
You're probably gonna meet my wife
How did he make excuses no more. I used to make excuse she sleep
He'll say yeah, I used to feel bad oh no, she got a medicine all she know yes, she's here
Yeah in the oak, but no she's not. No. I'm like, oh she don't like to interact with people. She's not a bad person
She just prefers to execute and get stuff done and all that talking to her Smith that we're not about to get none done
Too much talking going on
Too much fun happening, right so she's not a mean person
She's a very great person. Once you get to know her when she doesn't prefer. He's a seventeen in a chair
But when you go to her seat very structured and organized any document. I need I can go into a room
It's all lined up. We die to trust the kids would know which bank to go through everything
I promise you if my kids was relying on me. They wouldn't know how much money we had
They wouldn't know what another day. Did somebody call me today? Do you really have a degree in whatever?
I was like, yeah, I was like, but I don't know where my degrees are. My wife was like go upstairs in the office
Look sit down on the right
There's a cab pull it out the second one from the BOK grab that and you'll find all your degree. I went up there
I was like
That's right here
She's like you hate systems, but you love my systems
Right. So what we do wrong a lot of times is we know what our preference is and we try to put our preference on
Other people and that's where everything collides
You