[Disclaimer read by a dying Vegeta]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
VEGETA: Wugh-huhg, oh God...
GOKU: Vegeta, no!
GOHAN: Vegeta, no!
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Little Green'll--
Oh...
Vegeta, no!
PICCOLO: ...Meh...
GOKU: Are you alright?!
VEGETA: I have a fff*cking hole in my chest...
Why didn't you block that one?!
GOKU: I thought you had it!
VEGETA: NAWWWO!
FREEZA: It's funny how he's still talking; I could have sworn I hit a lung--
VEGETA: Ruar-harhg!
FREEZA [off-screen]: Oh, there it is.
VEGETA: Kakarot, if you're ever going to listen to anything I have to say...
Do it now.
GOKU: What is it, Vegeta?
VEGETA: I've lived my entire life under Freeza's rule.
My entire kingdom...
my race...
was enslaved to do his bidding.
GOKU: I understand now.
If it weren't for Freezer, you wouldn't be--
VEGETA: Dying? No.
GOKU: I was gonna say evil...
VEGETA: Oh, no. I'd definitely still be evil.
If this situation were reversed, this conversation would never have happened.
You'd be dead, and I'd be laughing.
Hehehe, oh ho, it hurts to laugh.
GOKU: Sooo, why are you telling me this?
VEGETA: Because, Kakarot...
you are our race's last hope.
You... are the last, remaining Saiyan...
Oh God, you're the last remaining Saiyan (!)
Ehh...
GOKU: Vegeta...
you...
Hrr!
Come on... you deserve a proper burial.
FREEZA: Oh yes, a proper burial:
An unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space.
Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him.
GOKU: I'll make sure to give Freezer one for you, best buddy.
Goodbye.
FREEZA: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place.
Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell.
GOKU: I don't know; I *went* to Hell once.
The only real bad parts were these two oiled-up German guys trying to wrestle me.
FREEZA: ...Are you real?
GOKU: But now, I know what I have to do.
I have to stop you!
You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way.
*Even children*.
FREEZA: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children.
I already tried leaving *them* alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule, or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge.
Usually both.
Really, killing them is a kindness.
I can retract that kindness if you wish,
but then, who's the villain...?
GOKU: Y--...you.
FREEZA: N-no; that was a rhetorical question.
GOKU: And I gave you a rhetorical answer.
FREEZA: Good Lord, I traded Vegeta for this...
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, Piccolo! Get on out of here.
I"ll take Freezer myself.
GOHAN: But, Dad--!
GOKU: No "buts"!
Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.
PICCOLO: So, keep doing what I've been doing, then?
GOKU: Yuh-huh.
PICCOLO: Yeah, I figured; let's go!
KRILLIN: Oh, thank God!
GOHAN: Dad...
Beat him within an inch of his life,
AND HANG HIM UP BY HIS ENTRAILS!
GOKU: 'Wow... he sounds like he's had a hard time.'
'Piccolo should *really* have a talk with him.'
FREEZA: I see... sending your friends off to fight me all on your own.
How gutless...
GOKU: What?
How is that gutless?
FREEZA: Because...
suicide is the coward's way out.
GOKU: Can we fight now?
FREEZA: Son of a--
Yes!
Heh!
GOKU: Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA WHOA!
FREEZA: (Grunting in frustration)
GOKU: Hey, wait a minute...
They're all missing! He can't sense my energy!
[shouting] Ha ha! You can't sense my energy!
FREEZA: No, but I can HEAR you, moron!
GOKU: (Gasp) 'He has Bat-Vision!'
Ha! You missed!
FREEZA: Or did I?
GOKU: Yeah! You did!
FREEZA: Well, no, I really d--
GOKU: You see? Not a hole on me!
FREEZA: I wasn't *trying* t--
GOKU: You should really work on your aim.
FREEZA: You know what? I'm not going to say anything.
I'm just going to let this next part be a surprise.
GOKU: What part--?
Whoahotlava!
FREEZA: Ha! Now what do you have to say?
GOKU: MY BUTT IS FLAMING!
FREEZA: ...I miss Zarbon...
GOKU. Wow, that was close...
I was almost out of the frying pan, and into the...
lava...
FREEZA: How do you *function*?
GOKU: Hey, I'm just like any other guy.
I pay my taxes, one leg at a time.
FREEZA: ...I'm going to drown you.
I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.
GOKU: What?
Why would you drown puppies?!
FREEZA: Because they're cute and cuddly!
GOKU: Are... you coming on to me?
FREEZA: Grr!
[Muffled struggling]
GOKU: 'Aw, man! This guy's strong!'
'I've gotta catch him by surprise.'
'Wait... he can't sense my energy.'
'I know!'
'Ka'
'Ka Me'
'Ka Me Ha'
'Ka Me Ha Me'
'Ka Me Ha Me Haaaaa!'
'This is the best idea I've ever had.'
'Second only to the double-baconwich:
'A sandwich with *bacon* instead of bread.'
FREEZA: Come now, I've waited long enough.
I know it's something new to you, monkey, but it's called a "bath".
GOKU: 'Go, my children!'
FREEZA: What?!
That's just distracting!
GAH!
And that's just annoyingly distracting!
GOKU [decreasingly distant]: Gerominooooooooo!
FREEZA: Huh? GOKU [decreasingly distant]: Gerominooooooooo!
GOKU [decreasingly distant]: Gerominooooooooo!
{POW!!} FREEZA: HIIIHG--!!
{BOOM}
GOKU: 'Bout time someone kicked you to the curb!
Nice work, brain.
GOKU'S BRAIN: 'You're welcome.'
ORPHEUS: Hey, man!
FREEZA: You're a cheeky little monkey, what with your silly martial arts.
But do you know what the difference between you and I is?
You can punch a board and it will break in half.
I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race.
GOKU: But can you block?
FREEZA: I'd like you to meet my friend.
GOKU: A friend? Is he nice?
FREEZA: Rock solid.
Filthy monkey, meet General Mountain!
GOKU: Hi, General Mountain! My name's Go--
[muffled] I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain!
(Sigh)
Wuh!
FREEZA: ...Want to play a game?
GOKU: Yes...
[Pinball sound effects]
{KABOOM}
[Arcade high score fanfare]
FREEZA: Ha!
So, how did you like that game, monkey?
GOKU: Eh, it was okay.
FREEZA: Wha...? You...?
GOKU: It's not Donkey Kong though. That has a pie level!
[Creaking]
[Bulma is gulping water like there's no tomorrow]
BULMA: Oh, God, that was so refreshing.
Too bad it was all saltwater, though...
FREEZA: Alright, then - how about this for another game?
I'll fight without using either of my hands.
GOKU: Okay. Then I'll fight without using my shirt!
FREEZA: I think you're missing the poi--
GOKU: Fight time now!
♪ Ha, ha, got your tail! ♪
FREEZA: What are you...?
Do you think this is a game?
GOKU: Well, you... you said it was a game.
FREEZA: I was being *coy*, you imbecile!
I'm trying to kill--
aahhahahh! GOKU: Aaah...
GOKU: Aaaah...
FREEZA: What are you doing? GOKU: Aaaaaah...
GOKU: Aaaaaaah...
FREEZA: Stop it! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaah...
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! Gyuh...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! Gyuh...! Ghm...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA [distant]: BEURHG!!
KRILLIN: Huh - what's that?
Nooooooooooooooooooooo...!
{DING}
GOKU: HIIYAH!
'Ah...! He's gone...! I'll have to keep on guard.'
'All my vital areas.'
'Oh no! My neck! My most vital area!'
FREEZA: Oh, what's wrong? Don't have anything cute to say this time?
GOKU: (Choking)
FREEZA: Adorable!
GOKU: 'He's gonna choke me to death!'
'Quick, Goku, use your instincts!'
{CHOMP}
FREEZA: GAAAHH!
Son of a--!
Mother--!
{POW} Pagh!
GOKU: Agh!
You punched me in the *face*!
FREEZA: You bit my tail!
GOKU: YOU PUNCHED ME
GOKU: YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE *FACE*!
FREEZA: YOU BIT MY F**KING *TAIL*!!
GOKU: Yeah, well, I still haven't used my shirt!
Does that mean I win?
FREEZA: ...Yes.
FREEZA: ...Yes. Yes!
FREEZA: ...Yes. Yes! You win!
GOKU: (Gasp) What do I win?!
FREEZA: *Another bath*!
GOKU: But I'm not dir--
FREEZA: Just tell me when you need to come up for air!
GOKU: 'Crap!'
'Lungs... filling with water...'
'Muscles... burning...'
'Brain... status report!'
GOKU'S BRAIN: (Incoherent bumbling)
'Frozen peas...'
GOKU: 'Well, that's not good...!'
'That's not... good...'
'at all...'
[Goku's vision] VEGETA [o-s]: Kaaaakaroooot...
Kaaaakaroooot...
Kaaaakar--
ugh, you know what? Screw this.
Wake up, dumbass!
GOKU: Uhh!
V-...Vegeta?
VEGETA: You're failing your race, Kakarot.
Freeza's unlike any opponent you've ever faced.
You need to embrace your heritage.
Become the Saiyan that you were meant to b--
GOKU: Why are you naked?
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: You're naked.
Why?
VEGETA: Idiot, you don't take your clothes with you when you die.
GOKU: Well, I did.
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Yeah!
Even had my weighted clothes on, too!
And I didn't even die in those.
Huh...
VEGETA: That lying red motherf*cker!
Anyway, listen, Kakarot.
Inside you is the primal, burning fury of the Saiyan race!
Like a wild, raging Oozaru, you must unleash it, Kakarot!
GOKU: So, do I gotta throw my poo at him...?
VEGETA: Oh, for God-- tch. *Just use your stupid Kaio-whatever*!
GOKU: Oh, okay! Thanks, Vegeta!
VEGETA: F*ck off.
I'm gonna go get my clothes back...
[Vision ends]
FREEZA: So, any last words, monkey? You know, besides, "gurgle gurgle"?
GOKU: Yeah!
KAIO-KEN!
FREEZA: Kaio-what--?
GAH!
GOKU: KA
GOKU: KA-ME
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA*
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA-ME*
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA-ME-HAAAAAA*...!!
FREEZA: HrrrrrAAAAGGHH!
{BOOOOM}
No, seriously. Kaio-*what*?
GOKU: Kaio-crap!
FREEZA: I thought so.
GOKU: WAAH-AAH-AAH-AAH!
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
BLUE OGRE: Attention! Any sin you commit before being judged will be used against you.
KING YEMMA: Next! Strip...
Next! Strip...
Nice!
RECOOME [o-s]: Recoome thanks you.