Hey.
It's Clayton and Jack.
In this video, we're gonna talk about the three questions you must ask him in the beginning
stages of dating.
So let's just clarify why this is important?
This is important because many of you are asking the question, is this guy worth investing
in?
And you want to know how to do that.
You want to know what's the easy or time trusted way of doing it.
And what you want to avoid is investing time in a relationship for man that's, you know
honestly, it's not really going anywhere.
And so by marshaling these things upfront, you maximize the opportunity that you're gonna
be investing in the right kind of guy.
I love that.
And primarily because I've worked with a number of women, who have dated men for months, sometimes
even a year, and they don't have the answers to these questions that we're about to ask.
Stop doing that.
You deserve to know the answer to these questions.
You deserve to ask them and for a guy to do his best job at answering them.
Now we're not guaranteeing that that relationship will work out, but a relationship being invest
of all is that the guy is actually available to be in a long-term relationship.
So these are the questions that will help you orient towards that and help him tell
you the truth about what he's available for.
And if you find yourself thinking, “Wait a second.
I couldn't ever ask that, or I don't want to ask that, it might be because you think
well I don't want to be intrusive.
Or, I don't want to seem needy.
I don't need seem pushy.”
But really what this is it's actually just valuing yourself it's valuing that your time,
and your attention, and your presence in the relationship is a valuable asset and these
questions will help you know whether you investing the right spot.
Yes.
And by the way when you're asking these questions, do your best to listen non-judgement to the
answer.
This is also a little tricky.
You've got to depersonalized a little bit because these questions are about the man.
They're not actually about you, they're about where the man is, who he is, and what he's
available for.
So to create a space where you can actually hear and listen to what he's saying, not what
you want to hear, it's so crucial.
I've had this feedback from former girlfriends where they're like actually wish “I'd listened
to what you were telling me.”
This is really important territory.
Beautiful.
Do you want to open us up with the first question?
I would love to do that.
Yes.
So the first question that you might want to ask a man is what is his vision for his
life?
And one way of asking that is something like, where do you see yourself a year from now?
So this is what we call an open-ended question, right?
It's not a yes/no answer close question.
It's open-ended.
And you're trying to create a space where he can tell you what he envisions for his
life.
You know you've probably heard it said that men are like trains and so it's worth knowing
if you're gonna be in relationship with a man which kind of train – you're getting
involved with like what direction he's headed.
So why don't you give him an opportunity to say it to you?
Like, where do you want your life to go?
What's important to you in your life?
What's your life about?
What is the vision that he has for himself?
Does he see himself on some island somewhere?
Does he see himself in relationship?
Is that even in the picture as he's talking?
Because I think, a lot of us when we are attracted to somebody we can hear what we want to hear
and sometimes we won't ask those hard questions because we're afraid of the answers we might.
So this is an invitation to ask the hard question so you can get the answers immediately and
stop wasting time.
Yes.
Better a little bit of pain now than a long amount of pain which is like being in a relationship.
I've coached people where they've been with a guy for an entire year and they have no
idea whether the guy is really available to be in an actual relationship with them.
Don't do that.
You deserve more than that.
So, I'm gonna jump into the second question here.
And the second question is, if time and money warrant an issue and you get all of it that
you needed.
You’ve got all the time all the money, what would you do with your life?
Now the point of this question is actually to see this man through the lens and allow
him to see himself to the lens of what does he value?
If time and money weren't constraining him and holding him back, how would he choose
fully free to spend his time?
Would he go travel the world for some years?
Would he sponsor an orphanage?
Would he start a software company?
Would he buy his parents’ house?
So this reveals actually his value system.
It reveals the deeper things that he deems as important and that are actually priorities
in his life, so almost the secret passions that are there.
And what you'll be able to deduct from this is ultimately what kind of life stage is he
in?
Does he need to go travel?
Does he need to go sow his wild oats before he settles down?
This question will begin to get at that.
Yes.
Totally.
Yes.
You might start to notice does he value freedom?
Does he value security?
Does he value contribution?
Does he value social and political causes?
Does he value learning?
Does he want to go back and get another degree?
It's a good question.
So let's open the third one.
So the third question you may want to ask in the early stages of dating, and this is
perhaps the hardest of these three.
So we've left it to last just so you've built some resilience through listening to these
amazing two points.
The third question is, what do you want from your dating?
What do you want from your dating?
And again, if you can listen non-judgmentally here and just create a space that he can talk
into as easily as possible without him needing to answer a certain way, it will really serve
you.
And what this question allows is for him to say, “You know what I'm dating because I'm
actually looking to settle down with someone.”
Or, “I just got out of a relationship and I'm not actually looking for something serious
right now.”
And if you don't ask him this, how are you supposed to know?
And this is actually giving him a chance to be honest and I think a lot of women imagine
that a guy will never answer that question honestly.
And I think you might be surprised.
I think it's much easier for a guy to be less honest if the honest conversation isn't happening.
And it may be that he hasn't taken the time to really articulate himself what he's available
for.
Let's say he has just stepped out of a relationship, is he ready for a new relationship?
Or, does he just want to have something less serious like has he thought about the fact
that he wants to travel the world next year.
And so maybe this isn't the time to get into a new relationship.
So it's really a chance for him to also reflect with you honestly about where he's at.
And it all of this to just summarize it one more time and just put like an umbrella overall
of it, is asked from a place of curiosity.
Don't interrogate him.
Ask truly from a place of wanting to know the answer and wanting to learn about him
because whatever life stage he's in, whatever he's valuing, whatever he wants out of dating,
or where he sees himself, this is just revealing where he's at.
He's another human being in front of you and you get to appreciate him exactly where he's
at.
It's almost like asking from the perspective of being a good friend of his and that you'd
want to know the answers because you actually want to know him, rather than, your projection
who he is, where he's going, and how you want him to be.
So this is actually a chance for you to get more present to what's really there.
So if you like what we had here and you are single or you've got a guy in mind you're
wanting to make this relationship work, Jack and I have a webinar called The Three Keys
To Attracting And Keeping A High Quality Man.
The link is below this video, you can click on it and register for a time that works for
you.
And in this webinar, we really I just we open up the box of some of the best material that
we teach.
It doesn't even compete – the YouTube videos that we put out don't even compare to the
amount of attention and time that we put into this.
So check it out, click the link below, and we'll see you there.