>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, LOUIS. FOLKS,
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "SILICON VALLEY,"
"ETERNALS," AND "THE BIG SICK." HIS NEW SHOW IS "WELCOME TO
CHIPPENDALES." LAST IT'S ON, WHAT IS ABOUT TO
OCCUR IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS A SNOWBALL FIGHT, OKAY?
ARE YOU READY FOR IT? YES?
COME ON, STEVE, COME ON. COME ON, BUDDY.
COME ON. OH.
COME ON. WHERE IS YOUR SNOWBALL, I DON'T
SEE-- COME ON, STEVE. >> OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE. PLEASE, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE,
STOP, PLEASE. >> COME ON.
>> I SAID I'M FINISHED. [BLEEP]
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME, BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," KUMAIL
NANJIANI! (/
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. WOW.
THANK YOU. WE WILL JUST GESTURE TO EACH
OTHER FOR THE ENTIRE THING. NO, PLEASE, NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN
STARTED TALKING AND I HAVE ALREADY SAID THE F WORD ON THE
CLIP. >> Stephen: I KNOW, I KNOW,
IT'S FINE, WE CAN SAY IT ON CBS NOW.
>> YOU CAN? [BLEEP] AWESOME.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN SINCE THE ZOOM DAYS BECAUSE YOU
KNOW, ZOOM. BUT IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK
IN THE THEATER. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
>> GREAT TO BE BACK. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME TO
NEW YORK VERY MUCH. I USED TO LIVE HERE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW. ARE YOU LIKING IT.
>> I LOVE IT. I USED TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN IN
BUSHWICK WAS THE PART. >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
>> BUSHWICK IS IN THE HOUSE. AND IT WAS KIND OF ROUGH.
NOT LIKE SCARY ROUGH. IT WAS LIKE WEIRD ROUGH WHEN I
LIVED THERE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE. ONE TIME I SAW A GUY ON MY
STREET CATCHING CHICKENS WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
AND STUFFING THEM INTO HIS POCKETS.
LIKE SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE REVERSE MAGICIAN.
(LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: NOW THESE DAYS YOU
LIVE IN LOS ANGELES. >> I DO, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT THERE WHEN YOU GOT THE ABS,
RIGHT, LITERALLY MADE YOU LEAVE NEW YORK.
>> THEY REVOKE YOUR LICENSE, ON THE PLANE TO L.A. WITH ALL THE
OTHER VAP I HADS. YOU CAN STILL HAVE SUBSTANCE AND
ABS. I'M ONLY 20% LESS FUNNY BUT IT'S
A GOOD TRADEOFF. >> Stephen: I KEEP TELLING
EVVIE, THAT IS WHY I DON'T GET ABS.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE 20%. >> TOTALLY, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS
EVERY DAY, YOU CAN'T LOSE 20%, THAT'S HUGE.
>> Stephen: YOU RECENTLY MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE, DID YOU AND
YOUR LOVELY WIFE, DID YOU DO THE PACKING YOURSELF O DID YOU
BRING IN PEOPLE? HOW STRESSFUL WERE YOU WILLING
TO MAKE IT FOR YOURSELF. >> SO, WE PACKED, WE HAD PEOPLE
PACK FOR US EXCEPT THE THINGS THAT ARE CLOSEST TO ME.
MOST IMPORTANT, WHICH WAS MY ACTION FIGURE COLLECTION.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE AN ACTION FIGURE COLLECTION.
>> YEAH, MAN. >> Stephen: ONE VERY
ENTHUSIASTIC PERSON OUT THERE. HOW EXPENSIVE ARE WE TALKING.
>> NOT THAT EXPENSIVE, JUST ACTION FIGURES CANNOT PIECES OF
JEWELRY. THEY ARE LIKE-- .
>> Stephen: SOME OF THEM ARE ONE OF A KIND.
>> I DIDN'T HAVE ANY-OF-THOSE. BUT HAVE I, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT
BAT MAN, GHOSTBUSTERS, THE BRUCE WAYNE SITTING THERE, YEAH, WE
LOVE BATMAN, DON'T WE. GOOD WORK.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHO HAS SUPERPOWERS, I DID NOT ACTUALLY
KNOW THIS EXISTED BUT I SUSPECTED THAT THERE WAS A,
SINCE YOU BROUGHT IT UP, THAT YOU HAD YOUR OWN ACTION FIGURE.
THIS IS YOU AS TANGO FROM THE ETERNALS.
>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT MUST-- THAT MUST BE A
PRETTY EXCITING THING. >> IT IS, THAT IS A BIG BOOGER
MY CHARACTER PULLED OUT OF HIS NOSE.
LOOK AT THAT. I WAS, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY COOL
TO ME BECAUSE-- OH. >> WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> Stephen: I DID NOTHING, I DID NOTHING.
>> THAT'S MINE. I BROUGHT THAT IN.
>> Stephen: THIS MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY EXCITING.
>> IT WAS, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN COLLECTING ACTION FIGURES SINCE
I WAS A LITTLE KID, I STARTED WITH-- I WOULD ONLY GET THE GOOD
GUYS. >> Stephen: NO SKELETOR.
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO SUPPORT THE BAD GUYS CAUSE.
BECAUSE IN MY HEAD I THOUGHT ALL PROCEEDS WERE GOING TO FUND THE
ACTUAL WAR EFFORT. LIKE MY FRIEND WOULD BE LIKE I
GOT THE NEW SKELETOR AND I WAS LIKE HOW COULD YOU, MAN, AFTER
ALL THAT KING RANDOR HAS DONE FOR THE LAND?
>> Stephen: I'M A LITTLE OLD FOR HEMAN.
>> YOU MIGHT RELATE TO, THIS I HAVE A BUNCH OF LORD OF THE
RINGS FIGURE. >> Stephen: SO DO I, BABY.
>> DO YOU? >> Stephen: OH, NAME IT.
>> OKAY, I GOT THE FULL SIZE THERON, FULL SIZE.
>> FULL SIZE YOU MEAN LIKE-- . >> Stephen: NOT FULL SIZE,
LIKE THE BIG. >> OH WOW.
>> I GOT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE COULD MEM RATTIVE MUGS THAT CAME
OUT FROM BURGER KING. >> WOW.
>> Stephen: THEY LING TOGETHER AROUND A CENTRAL RING AND IT
PLAYS THE THEME SONG. >> HOW WOULD YOU-- HOW WOULD YOU
DRINK FROM AT&T LINGED MUGS. >> Stephen: IT IS NOT
IMPORTANT THAT YOU DRINK FROM THEM.
IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE THEM TECHNICALLY THERE ARE NINE.
>> ONE FOR EACH RING THAT THE HUMANS HAD?
>> Stephen: MAYBE OR THE NINE OF THE FELLOWSHIP.
>> I'M SO SORRY. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO
APOLOGIZE. >> I'M OUT OF MY DEPTH.
>> Stephen: WHAT FIGURES DO YOU HAVE.
>> I HAVE GOTHMOG, LIEUTENANT OFFING MORE UL.
>> YES, SHOTTEDS FIRS AT THE BATTLE OF GILL YAD.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH. >> HAVE I HIM.
WE BRING UP THE WOLF PIT THRARKS GUY.
>> WOW. >> Stephen: YEAH.
I DO A FEW IMPRESSIONS. DO I NIXON AND I DO GOTHMOG.
>> WHICH ONE IS MORE EVIL. >> EMILY AND I WATCHED THE
EXTENDED EDITIONS OF THOSE MOVIES EVERY CHRISTMAS AND NEW
YEARS, WE WATCH ALL THREE OF THEM, EVERY YEAR.
>> Stephen: THAT IS FANTASTIC. I APPROXIMATE GOING TO INSIST
THAT I DO THAT WITH MY WIFE THIS YEAR.
AND IF SHE WON'T DO IT CAN I COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE.
BECAUSE THAT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.
>> PLEASE, YOU CAN HOLD GOTH MOG WHEN DO YOU IT.
BRING YOUR NINE CUPS. >> Stephen: THIS IS GOOD.
>> YOU THINK SO. >> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE
SOMEONE WHO WOULD, WOULD NOT HAVE AN EGOISTICAL APPROACH TO
SERVICE AND HAVE A SWEETHEART. >> I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR
YOU, STEVEN. >> Stephen: I'M GLAD YOU ARE
HERE WITH ME, KUMAIL. WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WE'RE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KUMAIL NANJIANI.