Alright, guys, so I'm gonna talk about approaching.
Give me approach down part.
. A lot of guys I talk to, you know, you know they'll start a course with me for example, and they'll say to me
"Look Damien, you know what, I've already been approaching for a while, I've already talked to girls, I already get some decent, I've already done ok. So the approach thing, I get that down part, that's cool".
And the thing that a lot of people don't realise is how much damage gets done or good can get done in just that moment of approach.
So guys can come to me and they can say,
"Look, dude I got the approach done part, that's cool.
But for some reason, everytime I like, everytime I try to excalate, everytime I try to make things a little bit more about relationship rather than about, you know, ' let's just be friends',
she kinds of just gets really distant and goes away. So I'm doing something in the interaction. Maybe I'm not being sexual enough in the interaction, or maybe ..."
No. Most of the time it's you approach in such a way that made her believe that's the type of person you are.
A lot of the times when we see someone for the first time, we make a snap judgement, bam!
Every men you saw in this room, you make an assessment about him. That's what we do, our brains are wired that way.
Ok, we make this neural connection, 'bam, bam, bam', look at his clothing, look at his facial hair, look at his facial structure, look at his race, look at everything. We 'Bam!' We assume something about him.
And what we do, we undergo this thing called 'selection bias'. And that is where we begin to look for evidence only to support what we already believe.
Right, we only look for evidence that supports what we believe and we just miss evidence that negates it very quickly. We become blind to it.
Politics is a lot like this.
Yeah, Liberals think Labour is all bad and they tend to gloss over the bad things that Labour does, and Liberal does and vice versa.
Because we create this selection bias. And this happens when you first see someone.
So if you first see a woman, and that very first impression is this guy seems a little creepy, or the first impression is this guy seems like a really nice guy but I like confident guys.
Bam! You're locked in. And you have to be super-super-super duper over the top confident to break her first impression.
So the approach is important. Getting it right is easy, but getting it right is important
So just because you have a habit of women opening up to you and saying, "Hey, cool, yeah. Let's talk."
Doesn't mean you don't , right, doesn't mean you create the correct first impression, it just means the first impression you're creating is good enough for her to say, "Ok, I'll let him talk."
Right? Doesn't mean you're creating the right first impression.
So, I want to kind of break it like this. I want to talk about the approach from these three perspectives.
When you first see a woman, in my head, is when the approach starts. From then, the clock is ticking. And number two, when you're walking over to her.
It is a typical point where I see guys doing a lot of things down like "Why, why do you do that?"
Ok, number three is when you're first talking to her.
So in my head I'm thinking, "You know what? I want to create the most amazing first impression I can. I want that first impression to be a guy who is confident, a guy who doesn't play games, a guy who's honest"
Honest is issue too by the way, I dont care what you want to do with them: relationships, casual sex, one night stands, honesty is rated hugely. So you want to come across honest, straightforward, no bullshit, confident.
Is there anyone who doesn't want to come across that way? No? Good! So, That's how you want to come across.
No? Good! So, That's how you want to come across.
So let's think about this guys. Let's instead of talking about approaching a woman, let's imagine approaching a group of oranges at a stand in a shopping centre. Ok, in a grocery store, in Coles.
Now, if you're looking around the Coles you're like, "Where are those damn oranges? Where are those damn oranges? Oh, there they are!"
So, do we walk around and "Oh there the oranges!" Do we look at the oranges, "Oranges... oh fuck, look the other way."
No seriously, even if there's a clerk next to the oranges stacking them up, do we look at the oranges and clerk sees us looking and we, "oh fuck he's up there." We don't do that right? But we do, we tend to do that with women.
We're in a club, we'd see a girl and go like, "Oh she's really cute". And she looks, and "oh fuck!" And then we get in a moment of brilliance and we think, "Wait, no, no, no, I want to know. Maybe she likes me. Maybe that's why she looked at me."
And we look back at her and she doesn't want to look at you again. Does anyone get that experience? Yo know that experience, right?
That's why I say at the start, right at that moment, right the second you see her, not always will she actually see you looking at her. But the second you see her, you need to be prepared for that to happen.
Or you need to be prepared that one of her friends might see you looking.
And if your instant reaction is, "Oh shit, I'm ashamed that I saw a girl I liked." You're communicating something.
You haven't blown youreself out, you haven't destroyed everything, but you're communicating something.
And that something isn't, "I'm confident, I'm not playing games, I know what I want, I'm straightforward, I'm direct."
You're communicating, "I'm a little bit ashamed of the fact that I'm saw a girl I liked. I've been looking at her. And you're communicating now.
So that's one you want to do. So the first thing guys, is this: eye contact. You need to be ready at all times, at all times, to look on eye contact.
And if they're not looking an eye contact, you just need to be ok to look at them. For in that moment when you do that thinking, "Hey she's hot. Ooh, I think I like her. I might get over and talk to her."
And those three seconds that should be taking to walk over, it's what you're doing. You're looking an eye contact.
But let's say you see a cute girl, and let's say for a moment, -you sir, you're a cute girl, uhm, and I'm looking at her and go like, "Oh, cute girl!" And then she looks at me, I just stare at her like this.
Do you think cute girls are going a little bit creeped out? Of course she's going to get a little bit creeped out, because that's creepy!
So the other thing we really need to be doing, I've talked about it before already, is we want to be smiling.
We want to be smiling because it's funny thing if someone just look at you and it happens a lot by the way, like anytime most of us locking an eye contact with a random girl we're not smiling are we?
We're doing that, we don't realise it, well like *staring*. That's kind of weird to recieve!
If you've ever gone to a gay club and see the guys , the guys still do it in the gay clubs all the time they just look and go, "Argh!" Creepy, right?
That's what we feel! That's what women feel when they recieve it.
Ok? And the special way I want you guys to be smiling. Ok, there's a technique to get smiling right. And I'm big on this. Ok?
The technique, guys, is smiling like a motherfucker. Smiling like a motherfucker. I mean, smiling I mean not like you're happy, like you're in a good mood, like you've got nothing to hide.
Right? We're not going to be in a good mood with our friends like, "Hey, hey, hey there are the oranges!" *steel faced* We're not going to do that, so we don't want to do that in the context of a club.
If you see a girl you like, you're more attracted if she assumes you're more intelligent, she assumes you're more honest, she assumes you've got less to hide, and she assumes you're more confident when you smile. What's not to like?
Yes?
Yeah ok, it's a fair enough question, I give you my applause for that. It's a fair enough question.
It's, look, essentially, anytime that you're out and you're going to be talking to girls, it's a really good idea to be smiling in general, like to be in a good mood, joking with your friends.
Does that make sense? You're not walking down the club with this big goofy grin, plastered on your face the whole time.
That'll look weird, that'll feel weird, and your cheeks would start to get sore anyway.
But you need to be in a good like you need to be keeping each other in a good mood already. Right?
So you may already be smiling. But the thing is once she sees you, if you crack a smile at that moment after she sees you, what happens?
Have you locked an eye contact at someone who smiles at you? What you'd do about? Isn't that the funniest thing.
And if you have that moment with a woman that you see her smiling at you suddenly smile at her and she smiles back. What should you do?
Probably, a good idea.
Yes, approach. Ok, now, I'm not saying you must wait for that moment to occur all the time. Ok? Because that doesn't occur all the time.
The more confident you get, the more your body language starts to play a huge role in this. I see it with the guys. The more confident you get the more you get those moments.
Right, but don't expect them, but you've got to be ready for them. So you see a woman, you get ready to lock eye contact, you ready to smile, you start walking over there.
Cause you know you're going to start doing that. So that's going to happen. Bam!
It's a funny thing too, by the way, she smiled by reflex but once she smiled at you, she's far more likely to be friendly to you once you say hello.
Just because she smiled at you.
Anyway, that's a bio-feedback loop.
So yes, you got to start walking over to her. And while you're walking over to her, what should you be doing?
Should you do a lot of things? There's one particular thing I want to bring out first.
What if you are in Coles and you see a bunch of oranges over here. And you think, "Ooh, oranges!" And the guy's stacking them up and he looks at you and you're not afraid to keep looking at the oranges.
You go to the oranges, "I'm going to go have those oranges." You don't do this... "Oranges!" Right?
We don't do that. Do we? We see the oranges cause we're walking towards them, and that's why we look. We look where we're going.
. That's what you want to be doing. You actually want to be looking cause there's where you're walking.
Now that's kind of scary, especially when she's far away. For you that's kind of tough. But you got to remember that creates an impact. Ok.
Because if she sees you --or her friends see you, if anybody else sees you, seeing someone walking across the club to them or during the daytime to them, looking at them; that's confident, that's direct, straightforward, yeah. That's complete confidence.
Most guys don't do this, they do this. *Looking at the ceiling* And they're walking over there.
You don't do it to oranges so don't do it to women. It's weird, I know but it works.
So, someone asked me something else we should be doing. What was that? Yes, absolutely, absolutely!
And if I can get this opened.
How should we be smiling? Yes! Absolutely, we should be smiling like a motherfucker! Right? You've a good mood, cause that's the thing. That's when we are most nervous. That's when we're more likely to shut down and put on game face. Right?
That's when we see chick we're like, "Uhm, yeah?"
But if you're happy, if you smile, it's also a feedback loop. But if you purposely smile you still get happier. If you purposely smile your stress levels drop.
Right, it works on both levels. You don't only look better going over there, you feel better walking over there.
So here's another thing, here's another trick. I see guys do this all the time. This isn't just the pick up industry. I've seen this all the time. I had my girlfriend sit in clubsbefore and just writing down all the different things guys do.
. So, this is the other thing. Imagine you're in Coles, you see that group of oranges, and you walk over to the oranges. "Oranges, oranges, oranges... The oranges are over here... Ooh, oranges!"
You do that in the store. You don't pretend to see the oranges at the last minute even though you're already there. Huh? Right.
But it's so funny how often men do that with women at the club, or women during the daytime. They'll walk towards them in their general direction and all of a sudden, "Oh it's a woman, I'll say hello."
Now, here's the thing, you're not going to get blown up for doing that. Nine times out of 10 a woman is going to see you do that and then say, "Ah, ah, ah, you just PRETENDED to see me." That's almost never going to happen. Right?
But you're communicating something. You're communicating again that you're playing. You're communicating that you can't just walk over and say "hello!"
That you had to make an excuse here and like, "Ooh, I didn't. Just, uh noticed you here. I walked over here something completely different. The men's bathroom, they're over there."
So, we don't want to do that.
You want to walk straight, straight to them. No pretend to see her last minute. Directly.
And one more thing, guys, okay, something else I see everybody doing is they make a, "Ah, she's a cute girl. She do that approach. Alright, cool."
Yeah it's like the death march. We all know, we've all done it.
Now, regardless of what that looks like, imagine what that does to your energy levels. Alright. Imagine what that does subconsciously. Alright?
It's called a lack of commitment, basically, because you're not going, "bang! Going in!", but you're like, "Alright, if I have to." Like you're being dragged. Alright?
That doesn't only impact how it looks, cause that doesn't look great, it really impacts how you feel about that approach. Ok?
I guarantee you, if you see a chick, "Oh she's cute. Definitely. Damn, I'm in. Bam. Hey, how are you doing?" I guarantee you your body language would be a million times better.
Everything would be better. Ok?
This is about you're coming across. You would feel that. Your energy levels are going to be higher. Yeah?
Cause you're going to be in there. And you're communicating all the right things. Cause if she doesn't see you, her friends do. And if her friends don't, somebody else does. Alright?
You want to be walking right to them as though the same way you would walk if you saw a mate in the club that hadn't spotted you. "Oh there's Michael! Cool, I'll go grab him." Same deal, yeah?
That kind of purposeful march over there to them. Not that like, "Oh crap, I'm about to be hung and gutted and quartered."
What other else? Ok, when you first talk to her, so you marched on over there, what should you be doing?
Oh my god! Get you there! Where were we?
Yes, eye contact, and then what? Oh, look at that, smile like a motherfucker! Right now, here's other thing.
If I see oranges over here and then the fruit stand and the oranges I have come here for and I walk over here and like there's a guy stacking oranges, do I go to the apples first so the orange guy doesn't think I'm going for the oranges?
No. I never understand that.
If you like a girl and you approach her friend instead, you're communicating something. You could be communicating a lot of things.
One could be you can't make up your mind
Worst case scenario, you're communicating that you're indecisive or you're playing games.
Again, they're not going to pull you up on it. But here's where these things are really going to hurt you.
You know those women you've talked to and some of you haven't come across these women yet.
And they just seem to bust your balls, they know when you're playing games. And they totally make you feel like an idiot for doing it. Yeah?
But those women are usually really confident women, they're intelligent, they know what they want, they know where they're headed. There's nothing wrong with them.
They just don't want a man playing games with them.
And if you don't play games with them , she's got nothing to call you on. And you got a much better response from these women.
And the women who won't pull you up on it will still respond well, they just don't want to pull you up on it. Yeah?
That's why we want to get this stuff right.
So yes, you want to approach your target. Approach the girl you're interested, yeah I get it, she's on the other side of thetable. There's friends in the way. Ok. You got to come in another way. I get it.
But when possible, don't just open her friends, just because. She is uglier and therefore, you should be friendlier. Don't do that, guys. Don't do that.
There's this other thing too.
There's, you know, a girl code, once one girl somehow you become her target all the other friends will leave you alone and they will not touch you?
Yeah, imagine if the first girl you approach happens to think you're cute, you're soft. Even if her friends like you too, you probably don't have a chance if she's a good friend.