♪ ♪
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY!
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, TIME TO SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Jon: HEY!
HEAR THAT?
♪ ♪
♪ >> Stephen: WHAT BEAT IS THAT?
WHAT RHYTHM IS THAT?
CLOV?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH!
HEY, HEY!
>> Stephen: I HAVE A SERIOUS QUESTION FOR YOU.
REMEMBER LAST NIGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THOSE BISCUITS
FROM CHARLESTON.
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, YES, YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO I GOT FAMILY WORKING ON THIS, BUT THEY
NEED TO KNOW, DOES THIS GO TO KENNER OR IS THIS GOING UP HERE?
WHICH WAY DO YOU WANT IT TO GO?
>> IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE SOME TO THE FAMILY.
I WON'T BE DOWN.
I WON'T BE AT KENNER, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE SOME TO
THE FAMILY.
>> Stephen: WE WOULD SEND TWO.
WE'VE GOT TOP MAN ON IT RIGHT NOW.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
I GOT THE BOOK, TOO!
THE BOOK!
WOW!
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT?
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
THOSE SONGS, THAT'S GOING TO -- THAT IS GOING TO ENRICH MY LIFE
IN WAYS I DON'T EVEN KNOW YET, SO THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT.
IT'S DEEP, ISN'T IT?
>> Jon: IT'S VERY, VERY DEEP.
SUCH AN INCREDIBLE HISTORY, SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM THAT AND THE
COMBINATION OF MY HISTORY, IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: FOR PEOPLE WONDERING, I GAVE JOHN A BOOK
CALLED "AIN'T YOU GOT A RIGHT TO THE TREE OF LIFE," WHICH IS A
BOOK OF INTERVIEWS WITH GULLA PEOPLE WHO LIVED ON THE COAST IN
THE '60s AND THE SONGS THEY SANG.
THOUGHT YOU WOULD ENJOY THAT.
>> Jon: THANK YOU, THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: CAN'T GET THAT IN HARDBACK ANYMORE, BUDDY.
>> Jon: OH!
I'M A COLLECTOR!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
BYE!
YOU KNOW, EVERY DAY I TAKE EXTENSIVE M.R.I.'S OF THE DAY'S
BIGGEST STORIES, ORDER THOROUGH TOPICAL BLOODWORK, AND RUN A
FULL WORK-UP OF STORY DIAGNOSTICS TO CREATE FOR YOU
THE COMPREHENSIVE NEWS WELLNESS EVALUATION THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, IT'S NICE TO JUST WALK DOWN TO THE OVERPASS IN MY
ROBE AND GET IN THE VAN OF A GUY WHO CLAIMS HE HAS AN ASSOCIATE
DEGREE IN EQUINE MEDICINE FOR THE UNLICENSED PROSTATE EXAM OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, AMAZON IS NOW SELLING PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
WHICH MIGHT SOUND GOOD, BUT I CAN DEFINITELY SEE A DOWNSIDE TO
MAKING ALEXA YOUR DRUG DEALER.
>> DID YOU GO TO CVS YESTERDAY?
I THOUGHT WE HAD AN ARRANGEMENT.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CUT A (BLEEP).
>> Stephen: IF YOU THINK WHAT GAMERS NEED THE LORD, GOOD NEWS,
SOME GAMERS ARE BRINGING JESUS TO TWITCH."
JESUS IS A PERFECT VIDEO GAME CHARACTER.
HE HAD A CLEAR MISSION, HE FOUGHT EVIL, HE HAD EXTRA LIVES,
AND WHEN HE EATS THE MAGIC FLOWER HE CAN SHOOT FIREBALLS.
THESE GAME-VANGELISTS ARE PART OF "GOD-MODE ACTIVATED," A GROUP
DEDICATED TO "ACTIVATING GAMERS IN FAITH," AND WHO USE STREAMING
PLATFORMS TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL WHILE PLAYING "FORTNITE."
THE PERFECT VENUE TO SPREAD JESUS' MESSAGE TO THE PHARISEES:
"BLESSED ARE THEY WHO RACK UP THE HIGHEST KILL COUNT AND DO
THE SICKEST DANCES OVER THE BODIES OF THEIR ENEMIES."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A NEW REPORT HAS FOUND THAT PLATYPUS FUR
GLOWS GREEN UNDER U.V. LIGHT.
WHICH IS GOING TO MAKE FOR A SUPER MESSED UP SCENE ON "C.S.I.
BRISBANE."
LOOKS LIKE THIS ORNITHORYNCHIDAE IS...
ORNITHORYNCHI-DEAD.
♪ >> YEAAHHH!
>> Stephen: NO, HE PUTS THEM ON THEN SAYS IT.
HONEY, WE HAVE A TEAM ON THIS.
CAN YOU RESEARCH THAT?
DID IT RIGHT?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING-- STEPHEN, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE
SHINING U.V. LIGHTS ON PLATYPUSES?
AS ONE OF THE RESEARCHERS EXPLAINED, "IT WAS A MIX OF
SERENDIPITY AND CURIOSITY."
BUDDY, THAT'S A LOT OF $10 WORDS JUST TO SAY "ME 'N DALE GOT HIGH
IN THE LAB."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, K.F.C. IS GOING TO BE SERVING FRIED
CHICKEN IN REPLICAS OF ITS HOLIDAY-THEMED BUCKETS FROM
1966 AND 1971.
A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE CHICKEN PEOPLE SAID "WE HOPE OUR HOLIDAY
BUCKETS HELP EVERYONE HARK BACK TO A SIMPLER TIME."
AH, YES, THE LATE '60S: A SIMPLER TIME OF RACIAL CONFLICT,
POLITICAL ASSASSINATIONS, AND BEING TOO BUSY SMOKING
UNFILTERED CAMEL CIGARETTES TO CARE WHAT FRIED CHICKEN WAS
DOING TO US.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE CLOUD-BASED
CONTRACTING, CLICK-AND-MORTAR INNOVATION CONSORTIUM
INCORPORATED" SOMETIMES ACQUIRE SO MANY OWL-RELATED STORIES, WE
COLLECT THEM IN OUR QUARANTINE-WHILE SUB-SUB
SEGMENT: "MEANWH-OWL."
MEANWH-OWL, CENTRAL PARK'S NEW CELEBRITY BIRD IS BARRY THE
BARRED OWL.
SO MAJESTIC!
AND A MAJOR IMPROVEMENT OVER CENTRAL PARK'S OLD CELEBRITY
BIRD, ALAN, THE CHAIN-SMOKING PIGEON.
MEANWH-OWL, "A TINY OWL WAS SAVED AFTER GETTING STUCK IN THE
ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE."
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HIM-- AWWWWW!
LOOK AT HOW TINY HE IS.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF THAT LIL'
GUY?
THAT FIRST PICTURE WAS TAKEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE WAS REMOVED
FROM HIS MIDTOWN RENT-CONTROLLED TREE.
AND HERE HE IS AT THE MOMENT HE FOUND OUT HOW MUCH A STUDIO
APARTMENT COSTS IN NEW YORK.
SO HE HAS BEEN MOVED TO A SANCTUARY UPSTATE, WHERE HE IS
LOOKING MUCH BETTER!
WHAT A GLOW-UP!
MICHAEL B. JORDAN IS LUCKY THE "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" WAS
ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY, OR THAT COVER WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT.
LADIES, HE'S NOCTURNAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LL COOL J.
♪ ♪