Hey there, it's Clay with Modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now in our last video, we talked about the first of the five stages that your ex goes
through in the process of getting back together with you and we introduced the topic of reactants
to you, OK, emotional reactions.
So I'm not going to go over the first stage or emotional reactions too much here.
You can go ahead and check out the first video for that.
But in this video I want to talk to you about the second stage that your ex goes through
in the process of getting back together.
And when you're actually in this stage, which we call the test drive stage, you'll know
that this is happening because your Ex is really giving you one word replies, one word
answers would all like one sentence, a little things that don't really have a whole lot
of emotional context in them or a content in them, kind of a board those words together.
Anyway, what happens is, for example, maybe you are sending a text message to you, you're
sending them some kind of a thing where we were basically asking them like, oh, hey,
you know, what's, what, what happened to you this weekend?
Or something like that.
And they might just text you back something like nothing or my weekend was OK or I'm doing
good, you know, something like that.
Right.
And there's not a whole lot of meat to, for you to sink your teeth into in order to actually
build a conversation on cause you know, like if someone says, yeah, I'm doing good, you
know, like, like what, what are you supposed to say?
Yeah, that's awesome that you're doing good.
I was doing good ones to um, and I'm doing OK right now, you know, that's not the conversation
that's going to actually be engaging for anybody.
Really.
The thing with this stage of getting back together is, um, as we talked about last time,
your ex's reactants towards you is starting to shrink a little bit.
OK?
So your ex is starting to feel a little bit more comfortable interacting with you, comfortable
enough to the point that they're able to give you these one word replies, these little one
line per responses, but they're still very hesitant about interacting with you.
They're still very hesitant about engaging with you on an emotional level.
They still are hesitant about, I'm really putting any skin in the game, so to speak.
And so they're just kind of doing the bare minimum to kind of check the box to say, Yep,
I got back to you.
I did not, you know, go you, or anything like that.
I responded to you.
It's your fault that the conversation died out, you know, something along those lines.
And so what you want to do here is you want to deepen the emotional connection between
the two of you by shifting things from the superficial level of communication down to
the emotional level of communication.
And then once you're down there, you can use the conversational strategies such as the
advanced relational skills to start to really hook your ex in emotionally and start to develop
actual substantial conversation with them.
OK but just know that this is normal and this is just your ex's reactance decreasing if
your ex was at the law of reacting stage or it could actually be your reactance increasing
if they were at the third stage, they go through and getting back together, which we'll talk
about in the next video.
But this test drive stage, it can be kind of tricky because you have to be really good
at really shifting that emotional a conversation from surface down to emotional connection.
OK?
Because if you stay in the surface level of communication, which is what a lot of people
tend to do, you'll just end up exhausting the conversation, tiring it out, and then
your actual just be left with some kind of weird sensation.
Like why, why, why were you texting me for like 30 minutes about different types of printer
cartridges or something like that.
Right?
And it's just going to seem totally weird and forced and it's not going to really be
conducive towards having a good positive emotional interaction.
If you're watching this video on Youtube, um, you can go down below and go to the link
in the description for relationship inner game dot, and what that'll do is that'll take
you to a short little quiz that you can fill out and it'll tell us, um, you know, kind
of where you're at with your relationship and where you're at with your acts and all
that stuff.
And we'll start to send you some tips and advice and strategies to help you based off
of your responses.
If you're watching this video on our website, modern love.life, what you can do is you can
go down below this video and click on a link there which will take you to a page which
will tell you more about the advanced relational skills that you can use to start to improve
the connection with your ex.
If your ex is at the test drives stage and they are giving you these one word responses,
these one-word replies, these short little Kurt like little crumbs of a response.
Then you can use the information on the link down below to help you to build out that emotional
connection between you and your ex so that you can actually form the foundation of a
solid emotional connection and to get back together with them.
OK, so anyway, this has been clay with modern life and this has been relationship, inner
game.
If you are watching this on youtube, please go ahead and leave a comment down below letting
me know what other types of videos you would like to see me make in the future.
Anyway, this has been quite, and I'll talk to you in our next video.
Take care.