- Good morning, good life.
Welcome back to Amy TV where we come together
to help you go after the life that you want.
If you're feeling let down
and that life isn't necessarily going your way,
it's time to change that.
(calm music)
One of my least favorite phrases
to hear out of someone's mouth is I'm disappointed in you.
This is probably why I am a rule following upholder.
Thank you, Gretchen Rubin.
You can probably identify with this a little bit
even if you don't care what people think.
It's kinda crazy to hear someone say it
especially when you don't feel
like anything you did merited it.
Meanwhile, you can probably name on two hands or more
the number of people that you're disappointed in right now.
Even if you didn't actually announce it to them
like I'm disappointed in you,
you know you're like okay, I can think of a few people.
When you're disappointed
either by someone who directly disappointed you
or a circumstance that happened
involving people that disappointed you,
it's easy to feel let down by that
and to let it make you feel down
because in fact you are quite disappointed.
The key here is how do you keep it from being debilitating?
That's what I wanna talk about today.
Let's put our disappointment in check
and take the power back.
Before we get into today's discussion,
I have to give a little Twitter gratitude
and today that shout out goes out to ItsFionaMcGuire.
Fiona, thank you so much for tuning in to these videos.
I appreciate you more than you know.
It is so cool.
I acknowledge you for the time and attention
it takes to watch this stuff
and also for retweeting the video when it came out.
If you would potentially like a shout out
here on Twitter gratitude,
all you have to do is follow me on Twitter
and retweet my latest video when it comes out
so I can randomly select you.
So the reason I wanted to make this video
is that sure, I experience a lot of disappointment.
In fact, I think I've had so much disappointment in my life
that I have figured out how to weigh priorities here
so it is not stopping me
from going after the life that I want.
So I wanted to share what that thought process is for me
so that maybe this could be helpful for you
if you're putting a little bit too much weight
in disappointment and how it's showing up in your life.
First and foremost, usually terrible disappointment
means you have terribly high expectations.
I personally believe that high expectations
are a great way to always be disappointed.
I know that sounds bad.
We wanna have high expectations in people and things
and opportunities but it's actually when you think about it,
you can have some expectations
but high expectations, you're putting it on a pedestal
like where else does it have to go but down.
Low expectations are just kinda stupid.
Setting low expectations is like what does that even mean?
That sounds like the biggest waste of time,
biggest waste of brain space
like let's just go into it a little bit differently
and I personally think that going into things
with no expectations is a great way to start.
Everyone starts at zero
so let's start something with zero expectations
and I truly, truly believe
that allowing everyone to start at zero,
allowing everything to start at zero
has given me the chance to survive the day to day
and not be disappointed so often
because you know what it feels like
when you are so disappointed you don't wanna do something,
when you're so hurt, when you're so dejected,
when you're so sad about something
that the only reason that you are
is because you thought or assumed
or expected it to go another way.
I really believe that going into as many things
with zero expectations as possible has allowed me to go
whenever it doesn't go right and move on
because there actually is no right
when you have zero expectations.
I mean, that's arguable.
It really depends on what we're talking about.
I think the advantage I have in this situation
is where I've come from with disappointment.
I have finally landed at this moment in my life
in this season and hopefully for many seasons
because I think it's gonna be beneficial.
I know the world owes me nothing, absolutely nothing.
When you don't just think that,
it's not just an affirmation.
That's kinda like the most depressing
affirmation ever by the way
but when you really actually believe it,
I believe you work harder to make things happen,
you're more consistent in making things happen,
you're not so focused on goals all the time
that the process is less enjoyable
and then you're pleasantly surprised
when something a little above average,
meaning above zero, happens.
When you have high expectations of something or people
or a circumstance or an opportunity,
you give it all of your power
and I'm not a power hungry person
but I don't like to give away the power that I have,
specifically the power I have
that is the most important to me
is the power over my own emotions
because it can completely change
how I proceed in my morning, in my day
and when that compounds, that's a lifetime
and it's not 100% possible to keep that control.
You're still going to have things
that emotionally rock you off your freaking boat
and you're like how is this happening to me,
I not only had zero expectations but I never saw it coming.
That is stuff that you can't avoid.
That disappointment's going to happen.
So why are you going to add on top of it
additional disappointment,
things that you were able to see coming,
things you were able to organize in your mind
the order of importance?
When you treat life and the things that could be
like guarantees, that is the quickest way to disappointment,
specifically when you're disappointed
by an individual person.
When you hand that person all of your emotional power,
you have given them the authority
to do whatever they want with it
and if they were too scared to tell you the truth in person
or maybe they just didn't know how it was gonna go
and you're looking at them to be the blame,
you made that happen.
That was not them
and it's really hard to accept that responsibility
but that's the quickest way to preventing disappointment
is to start accepting responsibility,
to start looking at things that went wrong
like they are your fault.
That's why they tell people like me business owners
that if an employee doesn't do something quite right,
that's on me, I didn't train her properly.
If a client doesn't understand what the problem is
then that's on me.
I didn't explain it properly.
We didn't put the systems in place.
We didn't do the right steps.
Really understanding where this is actually coming from
is going to help you significantly
to take your mind off disappointment
because you're gonna figure out
where the earlier issues are.
You've probably got something in your mind right now
that's disappointing to you.
I want you to think about something else.
You've got that disappointment.
I want you to think of now what?
For instance, let's say somebody posted something
on social media that you don't approve of
but you don't really know 'em that well,
you just happen to follow them
because they maybe did something cool
at one point in time in their life, now what?
What they said affects your life zero.
Move on.
Let it go.
You're letting all of their words have so much power
specifically during that time
when you're letting your brain take a break
and allowing a social media feed
to get you thinking in a certain direction.
If you must, unfollow.
Absolutely unfollow.
By all means unfollow.
I have said this in the past.
Unfollowing people doesn't make you a bad person.
It makes you a focused person
and it's also gonna make you a less disappointed person
when you stop absorbing the information
of people who are not exactly setting the tone you want.
You're actually now the smarter person
because you're stopping that person's words
from coming into your space and triggering you, boom.
That's huge.
Maybe you're disappointed today
because you didn't get the job.
You thought it was a sure thing.
A sure thing, high expectations there, buddy.
The HR rep was smiling like crazy.
Your work is very impressive.
You had amazing energy and somebody else got it.
Now what?
Are you gonna put your walls up
and never trust another smiling interviewer ever again?
No, you're not 'cause you need a job.
Try zero expectations.
Enjoy the smiles, enjoy the conversation,
enjoy the learning experience
because the next time if you don't get the job,
you've gotta look for trends.
You've gotta find the thing that makes it on you.
Here's the pro tip here with getting the job.
If the consistent trend is that somebody got it
whose dad knows the owner or whatever the situation is,
still on you.
Guess why?
They had an edge.
Where do you have the edge?
That's where you should be looking.
It's very easy to blame people with access
until you become a person of access
and resourcefulness to use that access.
What are you doing to go the extra mile?
Also, go find another job.
Please keep going.
Stewing in disappointment isn't helping anybody.
You can be as right as right gets.
You could be the rightest person in this situation
and you'll still be wrong because being the right person
in an argument when no one else is around you
because you're too disappointed to surround yourself
with new opportunities or people
who you shouldn't have had high expectations of
in the first place is not a fun life.
Go in with zero expectations
and watch how fast the world will impress you.
Not only is everyone and everything
going to be more impressive to you,
you're gonna impress yourself.
That is a mindset shift that could change everything,
absolutely everything
that you consider wrong with your life.
If you're ready to step up your expectations of yourself
but not be more disappointed
but make the most of every moment,
I highly recommend you check out Shine Squad.
We are having so much fun over there.
Lots of tips about productivity
and waking up on the right side of the bed
the way that you want to,
not the way that everybody tells you you should.
This is a space for people
who actually care about improving their own lives
and surrounding themselves with those who think the same.
Check out the details in the description below.
Let's share what we learned today in a tweetable.
"If you expect nothing from anybody,
"you're never disappointed."
Sylvia Plath.
All right, I wanna hear from you.
Seriously, I know you were disappointed today,
what disappointed you today and how can we reverse it?
Share that in the comments below.
That's all for today, thank you so much for tuning in.
I appreciate it as always.
Make sure you subscribe for good vibes,
kiss the ones you love and go after the life you want.
Cheers.
(calm music)