[beeping]
"Boomerang" Geoff: Hmm!
[beeping]
Hey, honey!
[beeping]
Did you kill the Germans?
(The) Griffon: No, Chris nerded out and ruined it.
Geoff: Sounds about right.
[beeping]
Griffon: What's that sound?
[beeping]
Geoff: Uh, it's the, uh, smoke detector under the couch.
[beeping]
Griffon: Geoff?
Geoff: Yeah?
Griffon: Did you have someone over to the house today?
Geoff: Several.
Griffon: Did you let one of them plant a bomb under the couch?
Geoff: No!
[beeping]
...Yes
[beeping intensifies]
Griffon: Who's the bad guy, Geoff?
[beeping intensifies]
Geoff: Hmph. Turns out it was--
[Australian Explosion]
Annersby: I've been looking into that earpiece problem for you.
Gavin the 3rd: Great.
Annersby: The thing is... that there haven't been any communications.
Because your earpiece... doesn't work!
That's why you were undergoing evaluations, wasn't it?
It wasn't your performance, it was your psyche!
Your mind has gone tits up!
Who's talking to you, Gavin?
Gavin: I'm talking...
Mikey: to myself!
[gun clicks]
Automated Voice Message System: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
Annersby: YARGH! Phone gun!
Gavin: I'm Gavin the 3rd, but I'm also Mikey.
For short, you can call me Mavin.
Annersby: No!
NO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Door kick]
Agent Moose: Are you okay?
Annersby: Ah, yes! That Mavin fellow just got in my personal space bubble,
and freaked me out a little bit.
Moose: Mavin?
Annersby: Agent Gavin has gone insane
and adapted a new personality,
and err, it's began to manifest itself in physical form.
Kind of like in "Fight Club"!
Except instead of Brad Pitt, one of it's personalities
is a pasty British man who yells a lot, oohoo!
Moose: Oh, noo!
Annersby: And that's not all!
The Colonel has usurped the Big Cock and taken control of the superweapon!
Kind of like in the movie "The Lion King",
Where Scar kills Mufasa and has sex in the clouds.
Except with... less lions.
[Gun cocks]
Moose: I'm on it!
Annersby: Okay, cheerio!
I wonder if, because Mavin and me fucked...
I've had a three-way?
I'm gonna say "Yes"!
Mavin: Time to zap those troublesome Germans!
Always the Germans...
What the hell?!
[Sex von Shaukel Boyz fanfare]
Mavin: How'd you knobheads know it was me?
Wilhelm: You've literally murdered every other agent!
[British Expression of Agreement]
Mavin: That's a good point.
Koko: Plus ve had a little bit of help!
[Intensifying Heroic Fanfare]
Mavin: Who are you?
[Ultimate Reveal Fanfare]
Ryan: Only the world's leading expert on saboteur assholes!
Moose: Hey, Ryan!
Ryan: Agent Moose!
Moose: Looks like you guys figured it out too, eh?
[German/Haywood Agreement Symphony]
Ryan: There's an old British saying...
"Never judge a Gavin by his face".
Colonel: His name... is Mavin.
It's always been Mavin, even if you were too blind to see it.
I realized it the first time we banged.
'Twas like having two lovers for the price of one.
And as we lay there, cuddling,
I realized the only way to take down this organization
was from the inside.
And so I chose someone smart, sexy,
tender...
and just a little insane.
Mavin: I already share a brain with two people.
What's the problem with sharing power with one more?
So I set the stage:
Sending Jack the Red on a bullshit errand...
Man, I hated that guy!
Brainwashing the German to create the orders.
From there, it was baby steps.
A little push here...
[Gavin: Don't forget the mermaid photo booth I made for you!]
[Cheering]
A little bounce there...
[Burnardo Burnadicci: What'd I tell you about talking to strange men?]
Sometimes with a little pre-planning...
[Agent Moose: Gordon!]
[Burnardo Burnadicci: WEINER?]
And sometimes by doing absolutely nothing at all...
Or no one...
[Agent Gibson: ...I'll bang this lamp, you like that?!]
[Agent Jinx: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]
Or at least way less than you should really have to do.
And so here we are!
With a satellite about to roast the lot of ya!
And me and the Colonel about to make a grand escape.
Moose: Well, good thing it's six on two!
[Mikey Morph]
Mavin: It's six on THREE, ya wankstains!
[German gasp]
[German Warcry]
YAARGH!
[German battle shouts]
Colonel: I'm very grateful for your help, Agent Moose.
Mr. Haywood was the only man on the planet who could have exposed us.
And you brought him in the open to DIE!
Now we'll see who's King of the Cockhouse!
Mavin: Hammer of Cock, target the Germans!
Hammer of Cock: Targeting Germans...
SSB: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Colonel: Time to finish you with the Cockface Combo!
Moose: EEAARGHH!
[Gurgling]
Moose: That's for taking advantage of my Canadian hospitality!
[Gurgles]
Sorry, not fucking sorry!
Ryan: Oh, this seems awfully backwards from last time...
Mavin: TARGET ALL THE GERMANS!
Hammer of Cock: Acknowledged.
*techno music*
Mavin: Nooo!
Ghost Lars: You're doing it!
You're believing in yourself and ze power of music!
Wilhelm: Quick! Ve must stun him with our perfect harmonies!
[Sex von Shaukel Boyz Harmony Intensifying]
Mavin: No!! What are you doing?!
[Sex von Shaukel Boyz Harmony INTENSIFIED]
Mavin: GAAAAAAAAARGH!
Wilhelm: Ah... Barb damn, Agent Moose!
Moose: What the hell does that mean?
Wilhelm: American slang finally reached it's way to Germany a few veeks ago.
Koko: I can't believe it's over!
Ryan: You know, I was far less involved in this than I thought I'd be.
Maybe it's time to retire; become, like, a rancher or a ninja cowboy or something, I dunno?
Brüce: Vat vill ve do?
How vill ve live?
Moose: We're going to rebuild.
Moose: It's good to have a master assassin back in the game...
...Agent Kojima!
Moose: Order! Order, everyone!
Welcome!
To the Ministry of Moose!
*60's spy theme*