(audience cheering) Doctor love!
(man in audience hollering)
I actually wish that you would come out
to the West Wing theme.
I think that would have been hilarious.
All right, try it again. Can we have him see,
can we see, I wanna see Gene Simmons come out
to the West Wing theme.
Let's see that again, a more stately Gene Simmons.
("The West Wing")
(audience applauding)
So much to talk about.
Yeah, so little time.
So little time.
That's a nice-looking book.
Isn't it nice? Wow.
(audience laughing)
New York Times bestseller, I hear.
You whore. (laughs) (audience laughing)
That's all I can say.
We'll get to the book in a minute,
but first let's give the people what they want,
the famous Gene Simmons tongue.
Yeah! No, no, no, no.
You gotta-- No, no, no, no, no, no.
(audience cheering) Gene!
You ready? Yeah!
(audience laughing)
Whoa. (audience whooping)
(Conan groaning in horror)
(audience cheering)
You just ruined the West Wing theme forever.
(audience laughing)
Hi, Max. (Conan laughing)
You know, honestly, no joke, that's a great band.
That's the greatest band in late night.
(audience cheering)
Thank you, Gene, thank you.
Let me, because we have limited time
and there's so much to talk about, let me ask you quickly.
First of all, you wore the makeup.
Then there was a period in the 80s
when you didn't wear the makeup.
Right. Then you started
wearing the makeup again. Right.
Was there ever a transitional period
where you wore half makeup?
(audience laughing) Did that, never happened?
You never thought of it?
Would you ever think about that?
Pay me. Okay, I'll pay you.
Do your kids understand?
(audience laughing)
Do you have, I have so many questions to get to.
Do your children, you have kids, do they know--
I have two that I know of, yeah.
Oh. (audience laughing)
What a wonderful line for the ladies.
(audience laughing) Well I mean it's true.
I mean-- You have two kids, you said.
Do your kids know what you do?
Do they-- Oh yeah.
My boy is now 13 years old.
My daughter's about nine, going on 10.
And of course on the day in school, when everybody said,
"What does your mom and dad do for a living?"
and so on and so forth, they came in as little dentists
and little hairdressers and so on.
And my kid came in with a six-foot poster,
which he sort of unrolled,
and there I am drooling blood and spitting fire,
and he said, "That's my dad."
(audience laughing)
Well, I bet he's proud, though.
Oh yeah, we've got KISS comic books, KISS cell phones,
KISS everything, you know.
Like all the cool stuff the kids have.
So if you're gonna go home,
never leave home without it, babe.
Well now can we see-- Because the KISS Visa card
is right there, you can have it.
(audience groaning) Yeah, hey, God,
I'm looking good, too.
Look at that.
Is there nothing you won't do?
(audience laughing)
You've really got KISS cell phone?
Oh yeah. Is it like any other
cell phone, but it just has
the little members of the band on it?
Well, the difference is you have to buy it
and then I get paid.
(audience laughing)
Nice pitch you've got there for the product.
It's true, I think you've got something--
That makes me want to have one.
(Gene laughing)
You brought something backstage
which I find hard to believe.
I understand it's backstage right now,
we're gonna wheel this out?
Good idea. All right, let's take a,
this is actually for sale, it's a KISS coffin.
(audience chuckling)
You gotta see the top, it's really cool.
Can we see the back?
Oh no, the back's the same as the front.
By the way, this is available at kisssonline.com,
or at your local funeral house.
(audience chuckling)
And by the way, if you're watching, this is a real one.
And if you're watching the ball game,
you don't have to wait to die for me to get a buck, really.
You can actually reach in there and grab a cold one,
'cause it's actually a cooler.
(audience chuckling) (audience applauding)
You know, by the way, tomorrow, even as we sit here--
(audience laughing)
What made you decide that the world needed a KISS coffin?
I mean, what made you think, "I've got it, KISS coffin."
Are there people that want a KISS coffin, seriously?
Yeah it's actually, seriously--
Has anyone bought, has one been sold?
Tons, thousands. Not true.
Sports-- You lie.
(audience laughing)
You know what? You know what?
Get online, there's White Light Casket Company,
they produce it for us.
Sports bars, concert halls--
I know it's being sold, but has anyone bought one?
Has there been one-- Oh yeah, tons.
Literally, they're in sports bars.
You know, guys want to drink, you know,
they're watching the ball game and everything,
and all of a sudden-- Oh, as a cooler, but there's
no one who wants to go-- Well that's what I said
over there. Into to the hereafter right,
but no one really wants to go into the hereafter
in a KISS coffin.
Why not? (audience laughing)
(Conan laughing)
It's that logic, you...
(audience applauding)
I can't argue with that logic, why not.
All right, this blew my mind.
This is really available, you're selling these.
People, look at this, ladies and gentlemen.
It's a KISS checkbook right here.
[Gene] Now that's what I'm talking about, yeah.
By the way, just make it out--
It's just if I wrote someone a check on a KISS checkbook,
and tried to buy something like over a thousand dollars,
don't you think I'd get some,
but wouldn't I be in danger
that people think it would be a gag?
It's like that money that has the moose on it,
President Moose, you know?
No, no, no, no.
This is currency recognized around the world.
If it says KISS on it, don't worry, It's legit.
By the way, just make it out to Gene Simmons, you know.
(audience laughing)
(Conan yelps) (audience cheering)
(Conan laughing)
Oh, but I have to say, (Conan laughing)
I gotta say one thing--
It's like working with an animal.
Don't get too close. (gobbles comically)
I have to thank everybody, you know, from my heart.
I was born in Israel, which you'll find out
when you buy "Kiss and Makeup".
(audience laughing)
I'm gonna be at the Virgin Megastore tomorrow at 6:00 p.m.
in Times Square, come and see me.
But the most important thing is thank you all.
Thank you so much for making KISS the number one
American group gold record winners of all time.
Our box set just went gold.
We're now beat every other American band.
Thank you so much, I love you.
(audience cheering) (audience applauding)
Well, I thank you for being here, Gene.
There's two things at the bottom I'm supposed to plug,
but you just did that for me.
(audience laughing) I did.
I actually think you did it 12 times during the segment.
(audience laughing)
All right, that's our infomercial for the evening.
(audience chuckling)
Gene Simmons, everybody, we'll take a break,
we'll be right--