i got to a point in my parenting where i was so frustrated all the time that i
wasn't sure why God had given me these children and that's a really difficult place to be when
it's not going like you thought it would and i thought i was the only one that felt that way
and i came to realize that most moms and dads feel that way at some point in their parenting journey
i think a lot of times as parents we get caught in a trap of saying things we regret or that you know
are hurtful or just are not helpful and it's very easy to do that when you're caught in the moment
and you're triggered and you're frustrated we have four boys from toddlers to teens and so there's
a verse that says to outdo one another with brotherly affection and to outdo one another and
showing honor to love one another with brotherly affection and so we really made that like a
foundational parenting script in our house and so whenever there's a squabble we'll say to our kids
what can you do to outdo your brother in this situation and we don't mean in a competitive way
to get the upper hand meaning how can you outdo him in showing him honor and brotherly affection
and it works for us in our marriage too it's like if we go into our relationships and our parenting
with the emphasis of what can i do to be a blessing to somebody else then when they come
the kids come and they're squabbling i'm not like pulling my hair out like can't you just get along
i can breathe a second and say hey what could you do in this moment to outdo your brother in showing
him honor you know maybe that looks like forgiving him in this moment maybe it's overlooking that
little offense you know it's like he's touching me she's touching me it's like okay yeah yeah
so we're gonna help you mature because obviously there's you're still immature in this moment but
let's look for a proactive biblical approach to handling conflict with our kids and breathing life
into them things that are really going to shape their character as opposed to just being triggered
i got to a point in my parenting where i was so frustrated all the time that i wasn't sure
why God had given with these children and that's a really difficult place to be when
it's not going like you thought it would and i thought i was the only one that felt that way
and i came to realize that most moms and dads feel that way at some point in their parenting journey
and so identifying those triggers and taking like a couple of the key ones that were the
most challenging for me was really important like with littles trying to get out the door
on time and nobody has their shoes and i would just get so frustrated like i told you 20
times it's time to go i have to take a step back recognizing that you know my anger and frustration
isn't helping the situation at all and so i had to get baskets and put them by the front door so that
shoes went by the front door so we weren't wasting time getting out the door looking for the shoes
and it's okay if i don't love the way it looks at least we're getting out the door in time
one of the things that i think is so critical as a turning point for me and my journey away from
angry parenting toward more gentle biblical practices was recognizing that there's a
difference in our kids trying to set us off and push our buttons and understanding and recognizing
that they have a developmental maturity level that i need to be sensitive to sometimes the
things our kids are doing are not because they're bad kids it's because they're immature kids and so
our triggers are simply opportunities for us to recognize that they still have more teaching and
training to do i talk about putting on a mom as coach or dad as coach mentality in especially in
the early years you know when you have an athlete or a musician they don't show up at the field or
in the in the choir room ready mature ready to go to the olympics or play in in the amazing um
you know philharmonic we assess where they're at and then as the coach or as the instructor
we come alongside them and we say okay here are your strengths let's play to those i'm going to
help you in the strength here's some of your weaknesses this is why it's a weakness let me
show you a better way and let's practice practice practice practice practice practice and then maybe
at some point you'll get to play in the game or perform in the concert and yet in parenting we
just the kid misbehaves they don't do the right thing and we just react in anger and frustration
we don't become more proactive and put on the mom as coach mentality where we come alongside them
one thing i really hope parents also know is that if you have struggled with anger and frustration
you likely also feel a lot of guilt and shame over that and whenever you're parenting the
game changes on you all the time because once you feel like you've got a handle on one age and stage
then the kids are maturing and growing you've got something new to manage and so one thing we
want to say is please uh remember that satan is your accuser but Jesus is your friend and so if
you've got tapes running in your head that are telling you i'm a bad mom i am so terrible um
maybe i shouldn't have these kids you know what we want to do is remember that there's a difference
between godly conviction and condemnation that comes from your enemy so don't allow satan to
condemn you but allow godly conviction to catapult you towards spiritual growth that's the key of all
of this so teaching our kids coaching them in the behavior that we want them to display
because if we're just adding fire to fire if we're just reacting in anger if we're not coming
alongside them and helping them develop and mature both physio physically and spiritually
and emotionally then we're really wasting and not honoring that stewardship that God has given us
so we want to give you hope that it's absolutely possible to shift and that God is able if God
can help me in my parenting journey he can help anybody um but don't look at your triggers as
problems remember that there are opportunities and that you get to be mom and dad as
coach