We've had a lot of other videos talking about consequences for misbehavior. And
you have asked for specific examples. We've got 6 for you. Vicki, as we get into
these examples of consequences for misbehavior, I feel to share just a
really quick background of where we're coming from here. When we're dealing with
misbehavior, we want to see less of that. -Right. We're trying to diminish it. -From a
behavioral psychology standpoint, that means we're going to choose an
appropriate punishment. Now, consequences are different kinds. There's punishments,
there's reinforcements. We're talking today about punishment because
punishment is what we use to decrease a behavior. And we want the misbehavior to
go away. That's probably enough of the behavioral psychology to understand
where we're coming from. -Don't get too tripped up on the word punishment. That
just is the behavioral psychology part of it. So, we're going to give you some
very useful tips and steps on how to decrease misbehavior. So, one way to do
this is to introduce something that they don't want. -Okay. -Okay, that's a type of
punishment. -Alright. -In this type of a consequence, we're giving them a penalty
of some kind. I spend some time training Nova officers.
These are police officers who go into the school and instruct kids on a
curriculum. I'm one of the founders for the program. And we've helped the
officers who go into the classroom to know one way of doing this is to give a
student a no card. This is just a simple little card that says, "No" or "watch out" or
whatever. Because they're misbehaving. And in a classroom environment, you want to
manage the class. -Right. -You work in the schools, you know this. And for them to go
over and simply place this card on the child's desk is a huge consequence
because now they don't get to have a sticker or they... -Right, yeah.
-So, that's what we're talking about. Some kind of a penalty. -So, you're not taking
anything away. You're giving them a penalty. You're adding something to them.
-Yes. So, specific example: You just hit your sister. That earns you 5 minutes
in timeout. -Yeah. -So, you're you're decreasing the behavior by adding. -You're
giving them something they don't want. -That's called a positive punishment. -Okay.
Another example might be your child says something. Let's say, "Well, that kind of
language is disrespectful. And that gets you a red chip. 3 red chips and you
have a timeout." -"I don't want a red chip". -So, hopefully that decreases the behavior.
-Now, this could be... You go down to the game store and you buy just a box of
poker chips. There's red, there's blue, there's white. And they physically get a
red chip. Or you put it because you don't want them to toss it, right? You
put it on a chart that you've already... Just stick it on there.
Or it's in a cup, right? But they get something they didn't want. One more
example. This is one you might use with an older child. Let's say that it's
someone who has some privileges to go out and you've got parameters around
when they should come back home. "You've been late coming home twice in a
row. That means you get to create for me a 2-page essay about the importance of
coming home on time before your next outing." Okay, they got an essay to write.
-Lucky them. Alright. -Now, a little quick disclaimer
because we've talked in other videos and in our Parenting Power-Up program.
That there are different kinds of consequences. Can you see that the one
that I just shared with you requires what? -Some maturity. Some
cooperation. Because you can't make them like that. -You can't make them. It requires
cooperation. So, we're going to use that for kids who are on stage 2 or higher. And
you'll know what that means if you've been into the Parenting Power-Up. But if you
haven't, go connect. We would love to share that information with you or on
the other videos here on the channel. So, there's three specific examples so far.
Now, the other kind of consequence that we can use to decrease misbehavior...
-Is to take something away that they want. -Yes. And if you're taking
something away, it has to be something that they want. Otherwise, it's not
a true consequence. So, we're going to take something away that they would
rather keep. So, let's say for example... This is one that comes up in our
positive parenting groups all the time. How do I help my kids behave at the
store? -Right. -Or at the doctor's office or at church?
Okay? These are off site. I'm going to call this an off site setting. And
there's a quick way that you can do something that I call response cost. This
is kind of fun. And kids really get engaged in this particular consequence
because it has a potential reward built in too. And that's different from the
consequences for misbehavior. But it actually combines the 2. And so, it
makes it very effective. So, before you leave, let's say you're going to church,
okay? You want the kids to sit. Church is not a place where they should be
swinging from the chandeliers, right? Or dipping their cup in the water up there.
You want to be really careful about what's going on in church, right? So, you
set it up beforehand and you get a little sandwich bag or something that
has a few treats in it that they really like. And you show it to them. This is
yours. And they're like, "Oh, sweet!" -Yeah. -Right? -That's something they now own they
want to keep it. -Right. -And the consequence... So you tell them, "Look, we're
going to church. It's important for you to sit on your pockets while we're in
church." I learned that... -Okay, this was one we did. -Back pockets, right? You're
going to sit on those pockets so that they understand their little bum needs
to be on the Pew during church. So, anytime your bum gets off of the Pew,
that's okay. It's just going to cost you one of these. And you got like 10 of them in
there, okay? So, during church, when they get up and start monkeying around or you
know, pestering their brother or whatever, you're going to simply open that little
ziploc. You're going to reach in you're gonna take one of those treats. And... -I
usually eat it. Let's be honest. -I was going to say "That's what I do, too". But Vicki
does it too. So, we're on safe ground. You just pop it in your mouth. It's gone. -Yeah.
-They don't want it back at this point. But they did
want to lose it. -Mm-hmm. -That's an example of what we call a negative punishment.
It doesn't mean bad. -It just means you're removing something that they want. -That
they want to keep. And so that's one example. You want to share another one?
-Sure. So, another one. Maybe you really want their room cleaned and their
misbehavior is that they're not cleaning it, right? -Right. They're leaving messes.
It looks like a tornado came there. -So, you might say to them, we will leave for your game (your
soccer game) as soon as your room is cleaned to my satisfaction. And so... Yeah,
instead of saying you know, "Your room is messy so we can't go to the game. You
can't go to the game." And so, you're saying, "We will leave for your game as
soon as your room is clean to my satisfaction." This is really powerful
because what you're suggesting here, Vicki is that we take something that could be
worded in a negative way or in a positive way. We're taking it to the
positive side which I think is powerful. You're not saying for example, "You can't
go to the game until your room is clean." See, how negative that sounds?
Instead you're saying, "Hey, we'll go to your game as soon as your room is clean
to my satisfaction." This is a powerful consequence for misbehavior because now
they have just lost... Remember we're talking about you lose something that
you wanted keep. -They lost their ride. -They've lost their ride, they've lost the timing.
They've lost their ability to go freely to their game until they clear up the
misbehavior. And that's a great example. Especially for older kids who might be
in that kind of a situation. That triggers another one for me, Vicki. We
provide services as apparently. You've noticed. -Right, yeah. -Alkinds of services.
Cook services, laundry services, taxi services. What if I were to take some of
the services that I provide and tie it into a consequence for misbehavior or
something that we're trying to shape or change? And here's an example of how that
could work. My taxi services are free for those who get themselves up and ready
for school on time. Okay. Now, listen to that. What does that implying? -A lot of positivity and telling
them exactly how they can access what they want. -Which is free
taxi services. -Right. -They expect me to give them a ride to school, right? Well,
I'm sending them a powerful message, "Hey, that's only free when you do the things
that I've asked you to do." So, if they're misbehaving by dragging their
feet and not getting themselves ready and resisting in the morning before
school, you're still gonna provide a taxi
service but now it's fee not free. -Right. -And there's ways to enforce that that we
won't get into on this particular video. That just gives you another example of a
consequence that you could use for the misbehavior. It's kind of creative and it
stays on the positive side. It's helps them to think. -You know, this is fun. With your
parenting team, sit down just come up with some of these ideas of things
that you can do. Be creative in your parenting. Kind of give it a new facelift
by thinking about ways that you can add something they don't want to decrease
the behavior or to remove something they do want to decrease a behavior. -Hey. Up
next is how to use natural and logical consequences. Make sure that you watch
that one as well to increase your arsenal. And Vicki, you mentioned use your
parenting team to brainstorm these things. Our positive parenting groups are
a place where we're doing that with some power. And you might want to get involved
in one of those. We would love to have that conversation with you. Click through
below to get on your free discovery call. We call it a breakthrough call where you
get on with one of our team members to talk about the possibilities of taking
your positive parenting to that next level. And we are honored to be on your
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