- It is a sad reality of of 21st century dating
that I need to kick this video off with a definition
of what commitment really is.
A committed relationship really requires two things.
The first thing is exclusivity.
We are not going to pursue anyone else,
we are not going to sleep with anyone else,
and most importantly,
we're not gonna be sketchy with anyone else,
a little hard for most people to actually do.
And the second thing that a committed relationship
really needs is both people in good faith
trying to see if you're going to potentially
spend the rest of your life together.
This is why a middle school relationship
or even a high school relationship, most of the time,
are not a committed relationship because one
or both people both have in the back of their mind
that this is not going to be a forever relationship,
but this video is going to dive into a few shocking reasons
why a man won't commit,
but he keeps coming back for more from you,
and a lot of you sexy, single ladies are noticing
that commitment is really changing as time goes on.
This is how bad it's gotten.
Just in the past 10 years, people who are in their 20s
and say that they're not single or living with someone,
that number had risen from 52% to 64%,
and then once you get to your 30s and you think
that everything is going to change, nope.
Marriage among people in their 30s has also declined 10%
during that same decade.
Now I happen to be 34 years old living with my fiance,
getting married next August unless we decide to cancel
all of our wedding plans and just elope tomorrow.
Jessica, if you're watching, let's just do it.
Nah, she likes her wedding dress too much.
So I happen to be approaching this topic as not only
a professional dating coach for the past 10 years,
but also a guy who's getting married in his 30s.
Keep watching.
(logo poofing) (chimes tinkling)
Hey, what's up, all you sexy, single ladies?
Adam Lodolce from sexyconfidence.com,
and this video is part of the relaunch
of the Sexy Confidence Club happening on November 11th
on singles day, 11, 11, 11, 11, one, one, one, one.
You're not gonna wanna miss it, November 11th.
Mark your calendars,
and as part of that launch,
I'm going to have a ton of content
that's going to come along with it.
I'm going to be teaching you how to attract men,
how to avoid the wrong men, and within the members' area,
I'm going to have a ton of new courses
that are available to all those
who want to try the membership.
Now this project started off as kind of a small project
where we wanted to redesign the membership side,
make it a little bit easier for people to navigate,
and then I started taking a look at this whole thing,
and I said I want to design one place
where all you sexy, single ladies can go
to get all the information you need to find love
and keep love as well as have an amazing community
and a support system to help you along the way.
So then this turned into a six-month project
which is finally coming to a huge launch on November 11th
that I cannot be more excited about.
This is the biggest thing I've done with Sexy Confidence
since I have started the brand,
so mark your calendars, a lot of cool stuff is coming,
and I hope that you can try it out.
We're doing a 14-day free trial for all you
sexy-single ladies so you can jump in,
explore the entire membership, not pay a single dime
unless you get a ton of value from this program,
which I know you will.
And next Sunday, I plan on releasing one final
pre-launch video that's actually going
to include Jessica in it,
so if you want to ask Jessica a question
about our relationship, about us, about me,
about her, about how to build confidence to find love,
leave a comment right there below.
We'll choose a couple questions
to answer in the next video.
So let's jump into those three shocking reasons
why he won't commit, but he keeps coming back for more.
Reason number one is choice overload.
We live in a time and day where you can pick up your phone
and immediately be connected to thousands upon thousands
of potential single people,
and this sounds cool in theory.
You think man, the fact that I have all these options
available to me will make me choose
a better partner for the future, nope.
This is actually creating a psychological effect
called the paradox of choice, and that basically means
that the more options we have for something,
the harder it is for us to commit to that choice.
This effect was really highlighted in a study done
by a grocery store where they had two different tables.
One table where they only sold one type of jam,
and then another table where they had
24 options of jam.
Which table do you think sold more jam?
The table with only one type of jam to buy
far outsold the table that had 24 ridiculous options
of jam to buy,
and it's because people will go up and be like
mmm, I like jam, but god, I like that blueberry,
I like that raspberry.
Oh my god, they have that cookie crunch
or whatever it is.
Is that even jam, I don't know, maybe.
It would be cool if it was,
but they look at this jam and then think to themselves
there's too many options.
I don't know what, I'm just out,
as opposed to going to that one table
where there's this one jam, and he's just like yeah,
that's the one I want.
I want that jam.
So just be that sexy one jam
that spread all over that bread. (laughs)
But in all seriousness, this is a real problem,
so if you are having trouble with guys
who are struggling with the paradox of choice,
or maybe you are struggling with the paradox of choice,
take a break from the apps and focus on other ways
to meet great guys.
Reason number two reason why a man won't commit,
but he keeps coming back for more of that sexy jam
that you bring to the table is because of finances.
As part of the Millennial generation,
and actually many generations now,
we are just straight up totally (beep) broke.
Not only with the student loan crisis
that we have right now as well as rising home prices
as well as the average $36,000 in debt
that people are in between the ages of 25 to 34,
we're just broke, and one thing that you probably realized
about men is that when we are having trouble with work
or with our finances, we can't even imagine committing
to someone long-term,
and this is because men are just naturally providers,
and if we feel like we can't provide,
we will walk away because we would rather be single
and be able to at least deal with the problem
than be in a relationship and have a total (beep) storm
where we can't actually provide.
But all the money has nothing to do with love.
Uh, sorry sister, but you are wrong.
In fact, the number one reason for divorce
in North America is finances.
I remember back about 10 years ago
when I first started as a dating coach,
I was speaking all across the country
on dating and relationships.
This was an incredibly fun period in my life,
but honestly, speaking at colleges wasn't that lucrative,
and if I went back to that time in my life
when I was living paycheck-to-paycheck
from school to school to school,
there is absolutely no way I would have ever committed
to a woman, even if I met the most perfect person
in the world because I just didn't have my (beep) together.
So just keep in mind, sometimes this can happen.
A man will have a lot of feelings for you,
but if he doesn't have his finances together,
it's gonna be really hard for him
to actually dive in head first.
And then finally, reason number three why it is
that he won't commit, be he keeps coming back for more
is because he's feeling a little bit too much pressure
to commit too quickly,
and now my sexy, single ladies,
this is where I turn this video around on you.
If every time he gives you more such as
wants to spend a weekend with you
or takes you out to dinner,
if every time he gives you an inch, you take a mile,
then you know what he's gonna wanna do?
Take many steps back.
I've seen so many relationships end when a guy
is really interested in a woman,
but every time he kinda takes that commitment step
forward and commitment step forward,
that's not good enough.
It's always needs to be then the next thing,
then the next thing, then the next thing,
and it feels like he's almost in quicksand,
just getting drug right down just like this,
and he doesn't even know what to do,
so all he does is takes steps back and back and back.
So then he becomes more cautious about commitment,
and then she actually gets more frustrated and says,
"Hey, we need to be doing more,"
and what this does to just breaks
the relationship right apart.
So for all you sexy, single ladies out there,
listen very carefully.
If you find within the first three months
of a relationship, guys seem to pull away very quickly
the more that you start talking about commitment,
then slow it down.
You should also take those first three months
to get to know him before you ever even consider
any type of long-term commitment.
There's absolutely no rush in life,
and I think both men and women have become
more impatient than ever about getting
the things that they want,
and it's probably because we live in a society
where everything we want comes on-demand.
However, relationships don't work that way,
so if you're finding that you're putting too much
pressure early on in the relationship,
just slow it down, it's okay.
So I wanna hear from you in the comments below.
What part of this video really resonated with you,
and then finally next Sunday,
I'm gonna release some video with me and Jessica
where we're gonna answer some of your questions,
and this is all part of that Sexy Confidence Club
launch on November 11th.
Leave a comment right there below
with a question you'd like to ask us.
We would love to be able to connect
with all of you sexy, single ladies.
So also if you enjoyed this video,
give it a like, give it a heart subscribe, follow
because we have a ton of amazing content
coming for you very soon.
Thank you so much for watching, and I'll speak to you,
you sexy, single lady, next week.
Bye bye.