welcome to cognitive behavioral therapy nuggets i'm your host dr dawn elise snipes in this video
we're going to be talking about challenging questions and i've developed the mnemonic
face palm to help you remember the steps
challenging questions can be used when we're experiencing distress the f stands for what
are the facts for and against your belief in this situation for example i had a friend who recently
retired and he was worried that he wasn't going to be able to make ends meet he wasn't going to
be able to find a new job and then he was going to end up homeless penniless and a drug addict living
under a bridge so you know he went really extreme in his catastrophizing so what are the facts
for and against that belief what are the facts supporting the belief that he is actually going
to be a homeless penniless drug addict living under a bridge okay once you identify the facts
for and against your belief you also want to look at additional factors you know for him
he had people who loved him he had people who would pitch in to help him you know heaven forbid
you know he did get to the point where he couldn't pay his rent he had family and friends who would
welcome him with open arms so exploring additional factors he lived in an environment in which
jobs were plentiful so the likelihood that he wouldn't be able to get a job was minimal he also
was retiring from the military with a hundred percent pension and so the likelihood that he
wouldn't be able to scrape by on his 100 pension plus you know a little bit of extra work was
pretty minimal would it would he be able to live an extravagant lifestyle no probably not but would
he end up homeless penniless and a drug addict under a bridge probably not c stands for context
look at what's going on in this context at this point in time it's important to remember that
you may have been through similar situations in the past when you weren't safe when you
didn't have power when things could have gone a much different direction
but at this point in time with your resources and whatever's going on
are you safe are you able to deal with it how is this context how is this situation different
than similar situations in the past e stands for extreme language
address those words like all nothing um destitute the words that are very dramatic or extreme
are often misplaced most of the time things that are happening are happen sometimes or even often
but not always p stands for what's the probability the likelihood that the worst case scenario's
actually going to happen so for my friend based on the facts of his current situation you know how
much his bills were and how much his pension was going to be um the additional factors of having
jobs that were available maybe not ones he wanted but jobs that were available and family and
friends that would welcome him with open arms what was the probability that he would end up
homeless penniless um and and a drug addict and he wasn't using drugs he's not current not currently
a drug addict probability of that worst case scenario happening was pretty daggum slim could
it happen well sure anything could happen but i would put that at a probability of like .0001
what are some alternative explanations for whatever's going on right now if you are
upset about something what are some alternative explanations other than what's going on right now
that might be more accurate maybe your significant other um comes home and is late and is acting
weird you know and i use the term weird what are some alternative explanations other than
your significant other is cheating on you and getting ready to leave you you know um there
could be a lot of other explanations so going back what are the facts for and against your belief
that your significant other is cheating on you and going to leave you what are any additional factors
that might be needing to be considered you know maybe your significant other just got a promotion
at work and is exhausted um and you know dragging their butt home just you know completely wiped out
what is the context of this you know is your significant other acting weird all the time
everywhere or just with you and if it's all the time everywhere you know that's different than
just with you and you want to explore that what is the probability that your significant other is
cheating on you and getting ready to leave you you know and and you got to evaluate that factually
what are some alternative explanations why they might be acting weird and distant right now
maybe they are weird and distant because they're planning a surprise birthday party for you
and that's why they're taking those calls in the um you know in the other room and
not letting you know who they're talking to you know it's possible l stands for learn
every situation gives us an opportunity to learn about ourselves and other people
so ask yourself what can i learn from this situation about my expectations about my
assumptions about the people in my life and m stands for move forward what is the next
step i can take what is the next action i can take in this situation to help me move forward towards
a rich and meaningful life you know doing things like getting drunk or you know getting angry and
walking out on your significant other assuming that you know what's going on neither one of those
is probably a helpful strategy for creating the rich and meaningful life that you really want so
what is the next best step for you to move forward from this situation and improve the next moment
so to sum up face palm facts for and against your belief additional factors
that might be contributing to the current situation or might buffer prevent
problem the issue from becoming a big problem context considering what's going
on is this in this one particular context or is it something that happens all the time
e extreme language check it mitigate it look for things that are more moderate
p stands for probability that the worst case scenario is going to happen
a is alternative explanations what other reasons might this be happening what other explanations
might help me understand what's going on besides you know my my worst fear l stands for learn as
you explore this situation learn about yourself learn about other people learn from the experience
and m is stands for move forward what is the next thing you can do to use your energy
to address this situation in a way that helps you move forward toward your rich and meaningful life