(playful music) - Hey guys,
so I wanted to give you a...
(abrupt record stop)
wait a minute,
there's something different about this video.
I can't put my finger on it
(retro video game celebratory riff)
It's my 100th video!
(children celebrating)
Wow, a 100 videos.
You know I really feel like over all this time,
you guys have gotten to know more of who I am as a person.
But even after 100 videos, there are still some things
you don't know about me.
So I thought this would be the perfect opportunity
to open up, and let you know a little more about my life
and who I am.
And I thought instead of me telling you,
I would get the people who know me best to tell you.
So here they go.
None of these are made up what so ever.
Enjoy!
- Matthew Santoro has been a huge inspiration to me
who once gave me a really valuable bit of advice.
(playful music)
Wait, no that was the postman.
Who the f*** is Matthew Santoro?
- You know that Matt, he's actually a woman.
I have seen things you wouldn't believe.
- I heard Matthew Santoro does car commercials in Japan.
I'm just kidding! (laughs) But he did go to
Harvard Medical School for one year,
and then got kicked out because he got caught counting cards
in Vegas with his professor.
- Little known fact about Matthew Santoro,
he helped kill John F. Kennedy,
check out this photographic evidence
that implicates Matt in the crime.
You may be asking me,
"Zak, Matt's not old enough to do that.
"How is that possible?"
Well, therein lies the tale.
Matt is a time-traveling demon.
Think about it, it checks out.
- Matt's a pretty normal guy,
apart from this one time he showed me
this tiny little box he keeps in his room.
It's like got all of his own nose hairs in it.
I never actually thought about how weird
that was until right now.
- Surprisingly, the real Matthew Santoro
actually died in 1997, due to a severe fishing accident.
What we're dealing with now is actually a replicant.
Some might say, "Cool." I say, "Watch out."
- I met Matt, down at the police station actually.
He was a suspect
in this robbery of a Crest White strips truck,
apparently he got away, they're not sure
where they all went, they just found
a whole bunch of wrappers for them.
You know, days later.
What what I doing at the police station?
Well, that's none of your business.
- One time Santoro was driving,
I was in the passenger seat,
and then he short stopped
and gave me a little fondle.
Ever since then, I drive myself.
- Oh my god. Matt told me this story
about how he was a kid,
and he always used to lick the carpet.
And his mother was like,
"Matt, why are you licking the carpet."
And he was like, "I just love licking the carpet."
And his mother actually put him in therapy,
because she was very worried that
he was going to spend the rest of his life you know.
- Matt uses his bald head, which looks like a crystal ball,
to cast spells on people.
That's how he gets the subscribers.
- Matt meets all his friends through Craigslst.
I saw one of his ads once, it said "looking for friendship,"
or was it, "looking for sexual partner," I can't remember.
But that's pretty much how we met.
Matt's eyebrows have been
the same since he was a fetus.
Imagine Matt's eyebrows as they are right now,
on a fetus head.
Mmmhmmm.
- So I've heard that Matthew Santoro,
he can only pee sitting down.
- Very few people know this about Matt,
but he has a pet potato that he carries around with him
everywhere named George.
And if you want to get to him, mention french fries,
he'll cry like a baby every time.
- Matt has an unhealthy obsession with Star Wars.
He once adopted 20 dogs, and all dressed them up as Ewoks.
And then he called his house the forest moon of Endor.
Yeah sometimes I really do worry about him.
- Oh Matthew Santoro? Ah, great dude!
Love him to death, best guy ever but,
he's a little weird. This one time
I actually I walked in on him,
and he was dancing around the room,
in ass-less chaps to the Pokemon theme song.
I haven't really been the same since.
- Matt Santoro, he is not even Canadian.
He has been totally lying about that.
Santoro is from Mexico, his family is
actually famous for fighting bulls.
And losing every time.
- One of Matt's deepest darkest secrets,
is he's actually related to Mr. Clean.
I saw it on ancestry.com, it's gotta be true.
- Did you guys know that Matthew Santoro
is actually an alcoholic, and this an intervention.
Matt, we're doing this because we care, don't run away.
- Nobody knows this, but Matt is one of those youtubers,
that doesn't use his real name on the internet.
Between you and I, his real name is Puger.
(scoffs) I know, keep it on the down low though.
- Fun fact, Matt Santoro has only eaten Macdonald's
for the past two years.
I think that's why he and I get along so well.
- Did you know that Matthew Santoro
totally and utterly despises cake.
Yeah he's not human.
- Fun fact, or actually a scary fact,
depends on who you are, but Matt is actually
a pack of guinea pigs, disguised as a good looking man.
- He has red hair which is why he shaves his head.
He doesn't want you to know that he's a ginger.
And has fire crotch down below.
That's right, he's disgusting.
Cause, red pubes are gross, right?
- The Canadian government will not allow
Matt Santoro to walk outside without a hat,
and a mouth guard.
This comes from an incident back in 1992,
where the sun's rays had reflected of his bald dome
and blazingly white teeth.
It permanently blinded more than 400,000 people
in over 600-mile radius.
One of which was a pilot who sailing a busload of orphans,
to an orphanage convention,
and they went right off the tracks.
All involved were killed.
- Hi, this is Charles St. Michael
and I have an important announcement.
Matthew Santoro is not real. He doesn't exist.
He is a CGI composite, created by the Canadian government
to spy on America. What was that?
- I accidentally kicked Matt in the face
at a strip club once after he made the mistake
of throwing some loonies and toonies at me.
All of Matthew Santoro's teeth,
yeah they're all fake thanks to old faithful here, oh.
I'm pretty sure Matt learned his lesson.
Matt always claims that he's going to these
acting classes, and I found out where he's actually going.
He's going to hair salons and
begging them for hair extensions.
Newsflash Matt, you have to have something to attach it to.
- I'm responsible for every bit
of Matthew Santoro's success.
See when he was a carny at the local fair,
he was too short to ride the rides,
I actually introduced him to Youtube.
And the rest is history.
- Well, that was revealing.
(happy music) seriously though
I want to thank everybody that was a part of this video.
And I want to especially thank all of you
who continue to support what I do here at Youtube
because without you,
I wouldn't have made it to a 100 videos.
Other than that, you can find the links
of everyone that was in this, in the description
and I will see you next Saturday with a brand new video.
Peace!
(video game horn)
Hey guys, thanks for watching my 100th video.
If you enjoyed it, please remember
to click the subscribe button to subscribe to my channel.
I release a new video every single saturday.
And while you're at it, click the like button
and share this on Facebook.
And if you've already done those things,
for real, definitely check out the people
that were in this video.
They're all great people and they make great videos.
And also check out the bloopers from this video
because there was a bunch of stuff they said,
that I had to cut out of the main video.
So definitely check that out, links in the description.
(goofy sound)