Springfield is a popular place filled with so many characters.
That’s the real charm of The Simpsons.
It’s been a reflection of our society for over 30 years.
And in this animated city, like any city, there are plenty of crimes.
Today, we’re bringing in more Simpsons characters into our courtroom to have them answer for
those crimes.
I’m Brad with WickedBinge and this is Sentencing The Simpsons Character for Their Crimes.
Like our other series-based installments, we;re going to be tackling characters for
their crimes committed in specific episodes and situations, as that opens the door to
a more nuanced discussion of specific crimes and events.
But occasionally, we’ll be looking at a couple overarching crimes seen throughout
the entire show.
With all that out of the way, let’s get to our docket.
Court is in session.
Of course we’ll be starting with Homer Simpson specifically in the episode Simple Simpson.
In this episode, Homer becomes the costumed hero known as Pie Man to protect his daughter,
later using his powers across Springfield to help those in need.
But despite this noble inspiration it doesn’t change the fact that he’s committed a bevy
of crimes during the episode.
First of all is the obvious Vigilantism, which is illegal in most places due to operating
outside of the law.
This is actually the basis for the cops hunting him down most of the episode as it stands.
Secondly, he commits acts of assault throughout the episode, this includes the initial pieing
of the Rich Texan, as well as Comic Book Guy and others.
There is an act of Destruction of Property where he does that really cool swing from
the billboard.
He even gets a charge for assaulting a child when he pies a Girl Scout in the face while
under Burns’ orders.
Pieing people in the face is a relatively harmless form of assault, but it still is
technically assault…
For which we sentence him to 1 Year in Prison with a chance at parole.
CRIMES: Child Assault, Vigilantism PUNISHMENT: 1 Year in Prison with a Chance
of Parole
Moving on to the alleged best simpson, we have Lisa Simpson from Season 10, Episode
11’s Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken.
This episode is unique because it features the whole town having a curfew for the children,
and upon deciding to fight back they are clearly breaking the law.
So, let’s get the obvious out of the way, Lisa very clearly breaks curfew during the
episode, and as such would be legally liable.
However, she’s also on the line for aiding and abetting Nelson’s destruction of property
when he pulls up a part of the gate to let her through.
She is also one of the ones behind the Unauthorized Radio Operation to use against the adults.
This is an FCC violation, although it’s hard to say if they would find out about this
or even prosecute this.
Later on she is amongs those who help in the theft of many parts needed for the plan they
had concocted.
That plan, which is revealing secrets of the adults, in itself doesn’t seem to be breaking
any laws, and in fact may be exactly what the police would want as it would help them
track down criminals.
However, due to them using it so they can get the curfew lifted would cross the line
for blackmail and as such would likely be prosecuted as such.
In fact we believe that two months in juvie would be a perfect amount of time for the
crimes she had committed.
CRIMES: Blackmail, Violating Curfew, Theft PUNISHMENT: Two months in juvie
Moving onto a law enforcement officer, next is Chief Clancy Wiggum in the episode Sky
Police.
Wiggum only has a major part during the first act of the episode.
During the events of the episode he fails to provide assistance to those in danger as
he doesn’t go with Lou and Eddie to stop the Sniper.
He commits Identity Theft by pretending to be Clancy Wiggins so he can open his mail
without any repercussions.
This leads to him utilizing a jetpack meant for the military and he does this without
a license which is distinctly mentioned in the episode.
When he has the jetpack he commits multiple acts of Disturbing the Peace, Destruction
of Property and even accidentally incites a Jailbreak.
Now, when the episode wraps up, Wiggum commits two more heinous acts, including the kidnapping
and what may be considered Assault of Nelson by bringing him up high enough to need a breathing
mask.
Secondly, he actively murders two grafitti artists by dropping down and grinding them
with the propellers.
One may call this manslaughter, but according to the song he sings “drop down on their
heads, they won’t even know why they’re dead” it implies it wasn’t entirely accidental.
So, we have to say that Wiggum deserves nothing less than life in prison without parole.
CRIMES: Identity Theft, Destruction of Property, Murder
PUNISHMENT: Life in prison, no parole
Next is Chief Wiggum’s wife, Sarah Wiggum, in Season 32, Episode 17, Uncut Femmes.
Sarah Wiggum is the wife of Chief Wiggum and the mother of Ralph and while she’s not
utilized often, in this episode we learn plenty about her backstory.
Before we even get to her backstory, she’s tampered with Military Clocks and committed
the act of theft from the captain of the boat via lockpicking.
After we learn more about her it turns out she used to be part of a group of criminals
who pull off a multitude of heists in her past.
This includes Conspiracy to commit Grand Larceny when it comes to the hourglass diamond that
they got betrayed over.
They also then successfully commit Grand Larceny by stealing it back from the traitor.
At the end of the episode she is also responsible for framing Naegle for a completely new set
of theft, and gets away scott-free.
Sarah’s crimes are actually small potatoes compared to others, but based on them, five
years in prison with a chance at parole is the best sentence for her.
CRIMES: Lockpicking, Grand Larceny, Conspiracy PUNISHMENT: Five Years in prison with parole
Moving onto Cecil Terwilliger from Season 8’s Brother From Another Series.
Cecil is the younger brother of Sideshow Bob who takes up a villain role in his debut episode.
While most of the episode shows him having a relatively non-villainous plan to build
a dam for Springfield, by the end it becomes revealed.
Cecil commits an Attempted Populicide, trying to wipe out the entire population of Springfield
by drowning and destroying them using the dam he was building.
This was attempted through the use of Planned Obsolescence or intentionally building something
with a limited use or shelf life.
He also attempts to criminally frame Sideshow Bob for his crimes, which would have made
Bob’s already bad reputation worse.
Cecil is less of a criminal mastermind than his brother, but considering the atrocity
he was planning to commit all came about because he was jealous that Bob became Krusty’s
sidekick, there’s no good reason for this.
So, because of his crime, it becomes quite obvious that he should be sentenced to death,
preferably via the Electric Chair.
CRIMES: Planned Obsolecence, Criminal Framing, Attempted Populicide
PUNISHMENT: Execution via Electric Chair
Continuing on our train of single episode villains, up next is Hank Scorpio from Season
8’s You Only Move Twice.
Hank Scorpio is Homer’s new boss during the events of this episode, head of the Globex
Corporation and a downright supervillain.
Hank’s plans are actually quite wide and seem to come out of some innate need for world
domination.
This leads to him threatening leaders of the world and trying to extort money out of them,
and when they refuse, he destroys bridges just so he can prove a point.
His continued terroristic actions throughout the episode, leads to him committing acts
of Assault and Murder, such as with the James Bond parody that he orders killed.
Hank is basically waging war on multiple governments, including the UN and likely the U.S. government
and would therefore be under scrutiny for treason, and while that should be his worst
crime, somehow it’s not.
At the very end of the episode, thanks to a newspaper clip and the choice of team Hank
has, it turns out he’s taken over the eastern seaboard.
Yes, this is a crime known as Annexation, where he takes over a portion of another country
in a physical manner, usually with a mass of weaponry.
Hank Scorpio is a supervillain and is The Simpsons’ version of Lex Luthor and should
be punished accordingly.
Hank Scorpio should be executed publicly via lethal injection as his crimes are a threat
to the entire world.
CRIMES: Terrorism, Murder, Annexation PUNISHMENT: Public Execution via Lethal Injection
Up next is one of the most iconic villains in Simpsons history, Russ Cargill from The
Simpsons Movie.
Russ is the head of the EPA and seemingly very concerned for the environment when it
comes to the city of Springfield.
Due to the events of the film, he uses his direct line with the president to try and
figure out a proper solution to the problem.
This solution ends up being placing a massive dome over the town, which is of course False
Imprisonment.
During the events of the film, after imprisoning the town, he then uses the President’s supposed
stupidity against him, by basically forcing his hand to destroy the entirety of the town,
an Attempted Populicide that would likely have unintended consequences.
However, he then tries to commit a government coverup and this would likely be considered
Treason considering the events that lead up to this.
He kidnaps the Simpsons family, Abuses his power, is very obviously corrupt and does
all of this for his own political gain, making it terrorism.
Russ Cargill attempted to annihilate an entire town, and the only reason he’s not vilified
more is because it is done in the name of helping the environment.
Usually, ecoterrorism is the right idea done in the wrong way, but in this case, his solution
is so horrible that it’s hard to agree with him at all.
Russ is a maniac of the highest order and his crimes are so blatant and so specifically
evil that his punishment would be quite severe.
Russ Cargill’s punishment is a public execution, likely by the president with the electric
chair.
CRIMES: Attempted Populicide, False Imprisonment, Terrorism
PUNISHMENT: Public Execution via electric chair
The final criminal on our list is Kostas Becker from A Serious Flanders (Part I and Part II).
Kostas was a member of the Capital City Mob, and engaged in their Organized Crime tactics
by becoming a debt collector for them.
His job was based around threats, blackmail and extortion and throughout his time there,
he got into a firefight with the Syzlak brothers.
After losing his money thanks to Flanders’ father he tries to extract it from his son
Ned.
This of course leads to him kidnapping, stalking and torturing Homer in an attempt to try and
draw out Ned.
Kostas is a man who cares very deeply about his debt being paid and because of the fact
that he cares so much about this debt he goes on what is essentially a murder spree just
to get some money back.
Kostas is a man who cares deeply about order and his place in that order.
However, he was nearly never caught and due to the fact that he did not survive the episodes
he definitely couldn’t face justice.
However, what would be the most just for this man would be one of two possibilities and
considering his motives were little more than money, one comes to mind a bit more.
Kostas would be executed, and because of the nature of the episode it would be via firing
squad.
CRIMES: Mass Murder, Blackmail, Torture PUNISHMENT: Execution via Firing Squad
But let us know in the comment section if you agree with our sentences.
And tell us who we should cover next.
Remember to hit that notification bell and check out our CinemaSentencing channel as
well.
But most importantly, stay wicked.